Dear Gail,
What can I do on a regular basis to prevent myself from falling into depression?
Thank you,
Wanting Happiness
Dear Wanting Happiness,
Here are some suggestions for you to help prevent depression.
- Be aware of negative thinking, which is common in depression. Notice or write down the thoughts that are running through your mind that you have come to believe. They are likely be negatively-tinged ideas about your self-worth, your capabilities, other people, and situations you encounter that make you feel hopeless and despairing. Know that these are distorted and essentially untrue. Remember that what you feed is what will grow. Your attention is like fertilizer in that where you place your attention determines what flourishes. If you feed negative thoughts with your attention by thinking them a lot and believing them, the result will be more negative thoughts. Allow for bountiful crops by consciously placing your attention on that which brings you happiness, joy, relaxation, ease, laughter, satisfaction, and fulfillment. Consider people in your life, your work, how you spend your leisure time, activities you engage in, the rhythm of your daily life. How can your inner and outer life feed those experiences that are more true and life-affirming?
- Allow yourself to feel good about all accomplishments you make throughout the day, no matter how small. The depressive mind easily negates our successes. Lift the veil of depressive thinking, and see that enjoyment and satisfaction are already there.
- Listen to your inner voice, that soft whisper that tells you what is true for you. It will guide you toward what you love, what brings you happiness. When we forget to listen, we tend to feel ungrounded and alienated from ourselves. Stay in touch with yourself by continually asking: What is true for me? What makes me happy? What am I being guided to do?
- Sometimes we indulge in the story of depression, so much so that it takes on a life of its own. We believe it is who we are. Freedom from depression comes from gently and tenderly knowing your inner experience. The key is to become familiar with your depression, rather than running from it or trying to fix it. Set aside some time every day to sit quietly. Take some breaths, and find the inside of your body. Use your awareness like a candle in the darkness to gently see the subtle belief systems, bodily sensations, and emotions that underlie the story of depression. Don’t accept the story as true. Rather, see in your own experience what is actually real. As the identity of depression is brought out of hiding, it is no longer assumed to be true. It loses its power when it is seen and cannot grab you with quite the same intensity. The book, “The Mindful Way through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness” might be a support for you in this process.
- Don’t hesitate to seek out support. Many people with depression would benefit from working with a guide to help them discover the rigid beliefs that are undermining their happiness.
I once worked with someone who came to me saying he had been depressed for many years. I invited him to begin noticing his inner experience. He quickly saw that there had been a commentary of negative thoughts running through his mind, like an endless loop, that he had never before seen. Really, that’s all it took. Depression continued to show up from time to time, but never again with the same persistence.
minoka saunder says
Yes when a person u love tells u they need time to get there self together and shut u out of their life how do u deal with that but I think negative thinking its someone else and the tell me its not its just that they need time to grow as a man and don’t have nothing to offer u but u love them anyway I need advice and help with this sistuation and they all ways ask u why do u love me so much.
Gail Brenner says
Thanks so much for writing with your questions, Minoka. I hear how painful this situation is for you, and I have some ideas that might help. It is a truth in life that sometimes we just don’t get what we want. You can’t change how someone else feels, but you can focus on helping yourself. Think about taking very good care of yourself right now – be very kind to yourself, do things you enjoy, be around people who support you, eat well, take walks, etc. When you do these things, experience them in the moment, so you can get some relief from the thoughts and feelings that are so strong in you. Eventually, you will be able to begin to move on. You deserve a wonderful life – see what you can do to support yourself and make decisions that serve your well-being. You are welcome to keep in touch. Wishing you well…..
Sandro says
I am confused why i am so sad yet i have no reasons to be that way. Everything in my life is perfect and i am grateful for my wife and kids who love me very much. YET, I just feel down in the dumps.
Gail Brenner says
Thank you so much for writing, Sandro. As you are experiencing, sometimes people feel depressed even when the circumstances of their lives seem fine. When this is the case, the place to look for the source of the problem – and the solution – is inward toward your own thoughts and feelings. For me to help you with this, it would take more than I can write in this comment, so I welcome you to email me so we can discuss this in more detail.
In the meantime, here are some suggestions for you: surround yourself with supportive friends and family; allow yourself to feel gratitude for the good things in your life; exercise regularly; break tasks down into small pieces and congratulate yourself when you’ve accomplished something; eat healthy meals; do things you enjoy; try to get enough sleep; be very kind and compassionate toward yourself rather than harsh and judgmental. Try to incorporate these suggestions into your life, and they are likely to help you feel better. It also might be helpful to speak to a professional. You could contact a counselor or your family doctor. If you have thoughts of hurting yourself, I encourage you to contact your doctor right away.
Sandro, I am glad to hear that you have a family who loves you, as this is great support for you. I will check in with you in a few days to see how you are doing. Know that it is possible to feel better. Sending you love and encouragement….
Bella says
I didn’t get back together with my ex-boyfriend because of his drinking problem. We stayed best friends and I hoped that he would change so we could be together. He ended up meeting somone and has been living with them for about 5 months. His life is a lot better than mine both personally and professionally. I have barely been able to date and advance in my career, let alone fall in love with someone and move in with them. I am filled with intense regret about not getting back together with him. I miss him terribly. We have had limited contact for the past 6 months. I have forced myself to socialize, be with friends, and exercise. I have also been in therapy for 5 years with a well-respected pyschiatrist and on anti-depressants since we first broke up 3 years ago. Despite my best efforts I do not feel better. I have never come close to having the happiness I had with him. I am independent and have lived and supported myself for most of my 39 years. I feel truly hopeless and at the end of my rope.
Gail Brenner says
Welcome to you, Bella, and thank you for posting this raw and heartfelt comment.
I can only offer you my thoughts in a few sentences. If you want to talk further, please contact me by email.
I honor you for all that you’ve done to try to take care of yourself and move on. You are living in a sense of lack that is supported by the story of what has happened between you and your ex-boyfriend. There is no solution within the story. My suggestion would be to begin to get to know this lack, this hole you feel inside and see if it is true. Welcome it lovingly in the space of awareness. You are already whole, but your mind has convinced you that you aren’t.
It is when we are at the end of our rope that we might be ripe to know the absolute truth about reality.
I support you totally on your journey. Love to you…