“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
“Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.”
Chinese proverb
In Part 1 of this series, we looked at how habits develop, and Part 2 describes what it is like to be locked into a habit: rigid, inflexible, uncontrollable behavior and emotions, feeling like a victim, hiding from fear. This is what I would call a recipe for suffering.
Freedom from Habits Explained
This post is the beginning of the breath of fresh air, the ray of sunshine behind the clouds. Habits fragment us. They exist to help us cope and survive in the world, and they are fueled by unexamined belief systems and emotions . When all of our experience is placed under the microscope – when we observe it in precise detail with so much tenderness – we can be free. The elements of the pattern may not disappear, but by observing them, the way in which we relate to them changes dramatically.
This is amazing! We are not trying to eradicate the pattern. Our goal is not to get rid of thoughts or feelings. This is impossible; they come and go of their own accord. All we need to commit to is an ongoing investigation of our moment to moment existence. We are so lucky – we get to be conscious and alive in our lives! We end the trying, the efforting to make something happen – or not happen. What replaces the effort is the simple and effortless act of noticing, observing.
In Part 1, we saw how when we learn patterns we move from being, our original state, to doing. Simply by observing our experience, we move from doing back to the restful state of being. The distinction between the observing and that which we are observing dissolves – there is only this, the indescribable reality of the moment.
Be a Courageous Explorer
Some of what we observe may not have been seen in the light of conscious awareness for a very long time. These are painful emotions that are hidden in the recesses of our minds, bodies, and hearts. Like an old drafty mansion with closed rooms and secret passageways, we live in the areas where the sun shines through the windows. We suspect there may be interesting finds lurking in the hidden zones, but we are way too uneasy, terrified even, to explore them.
The path to wholeness, to reclaiming our true nature, is to put on the searchlight and venture out into the darkness – to find the fragments of emotions and memories that we just couldn’t cope with before. Take your time; go at your own pace. Your hidden treasures are waiting to be seen in the light of day.
Investigating Thoughts
Habits are built on belief systems that need to be examined. These are thoughts that entertain a given view of the world and constrain openness to all views. In my experience, these belief systems come to light only by intentionally digging them out. They catch us before we know it because they are so subtle and believable.
When I investigate thoughts, I sit quietly and write each one down, asking, “What is my world view in this situation?” I see how the beliefs perceive me, other people, the world. What do they expect? What do they need? How are they limiting?
Thoughts Produce Stress
A few years ago, I was lying in the sun, soaking up the warmth. I decided to experiment with thoughts. I thought a thought and noticed a faint tension in the muscles of my body. Then when the thought subsided, I realized I was relaxed. I kept trying it with different thoughts, and noticed that every thought was stressful to my body. Even happy thoughts. The actual experience of happiness prior to the thought was true happiness. The “happiness” in the thought felt created and forced. This was a revelation to me!
Radical as it may sound, I have come to not believe any thoughts. Yes, they help me function in the world – where is the gas station, how does my new dishwasher work. But I have come to disregard: judgments, expectations, assumptions, wishes, hopes, beliefs in anything, even most plans. And it has become a very joyful life.
No More Belief Systems
As you investigate thoughts, please do not take on what I say as another belief system. A true study is direct, immediate, in the moment – and ultimately a solo journey.
The goal is not to quiet the mind or to banish any thoughts. You are simply investigating to see what the thoughts are saying, how they are influencing you, if they are accurate, what they need.
If you would like more resources, Byron Katie offers the four-question method of The Work to investigate thoughts. I also recommend a book by Adyashanti, called The End of Your World. Chapter 4 discusses inquiry into thoughts.
As Adyashanti says, examining thoughts with true curiosity may mean “the end of your world” as you know it – the end of being imprisoned by your habits and the beginning of living in clarity, truth, reality. It is a step away from the familiar and into the unknown not bound by mental conceptions.
In the next two parts of this series, we take a look at deeply seeing the other realms of experience: emotions and bodily sensations. This is the path to total release from the inside out!
I’d love to know how it goes as you become aware of what you have been believing? Have you had the experience of realizing a treasured belief is not actually true? Are you aware of beliefs you hold on to?
Cybil Smith says
Wonderful articles! I came across them today and went back to #1…very good information and I have been passing them on to others as well. I’m looking forward to the rest of the series. =) Thank you for sharing!
Gail Brenner says
Welcome to A Flourishing Life, Cybil! I am so glad you are appreciating this series.
Walter says
From the very beginning, we are slave of our minds. Unless we become aware of this we will never evolve to a higher consciousness. 🙂
Gail Brenner says
So true, Walter. Thank you for your insight. Becoming aware is the opening of the door, the parting of the clouds.
Dan says
I really enjoy your site. Very similar to Tolle’s teachings. I look forward to part 4 of the series.
Gail Brenner says
Great to have you visit, Dan, and thanks so much for your comment.
Robin Easton says
Dear Gail,
THIS just moved me to tears: “As you investigate thoughts, please do not take on what I say as another belief system. A true study is direct, immediate, in the moment – and ultimately a solo journey.”
I know this truth soooo well. It has been my path and an experience dear to my heart. You give SUCH a big gift by telling you readers this. It shows the extent of your own free and loving heart, it shows that you have no need to impress or control, but instead you encourage freedom of thought and experience.
What you give by telling your readers this is one of THE BIGGEST gifts you could give anyone. You slip it in there so humbly and yet I feel a great need to acknowledge it as a sign of a powerful healer or teacher. So few know this, let alone live it. You are truly blessed and so are the lives you touch.
Thank you for this I feel free reading it.
Love,
Robin
Gail Brenner says
Robin, Robin, Robin,
What a love you are! You recognize the truth because you know it in your own experience. And I feel the transmission from you as well.
Love to you….
Armen Shirvanian says
Hey Gail.
I liked a few items here.
I sometimes try to cover up self-observation by doing, and you are right that not doing this would lead to a state of being, which is actually a bit more healthy.
Good call there about venturing out into the darkness. We light up the darkness when we do so. I have ventured into the darkness at times, and when I did, I felt great about it afterward. Sometimes I am missing the concept, because looking back, I have learned things that I didn’t use again, even though they worked when I ventured out and tried.
This relates to what you are saying about habits needing to be examined. I have to look at where my main problem issues are, so they don’t repeatedly slow me down. I don’t like throwing away time.
Relevant material here.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Armen,
Thanks so much for your heartfelt comment. I really hear that you are trying to get to the core of your habits so you can be free of them.
It sounds like when you lit up the darkness, you discovered some useful things about yourself, but then you say you didn’t integrate them into your life. I have found that this process of being aware of what is driving us becomes a lifestyle, a way of being. These habits are sometimes so strong, that it takes a lot of conscious attention on them so that they lose their power and we can finally make different choices.
Fear was driving a lot of my habits. I must have investigated it and sat there feeling it thousands of times. Eventually, I became so aware of it that it just couldn’t influence me the way it used to. But it took a lot of intention and willingness on my part.
I hear you: you don’t like throwing away time. Time is so precious. So maybe you can repeatedly welcome in your feelings and examine your belief systems so you can see through these automatic behaviors. It’s worth a try, because the alternative is keeping the habit going.
Wishing you well with this. I’d love to hear how it goes…
Armen Shirvanian says
Hey Gail.
Thanks quite a bit for what you have said here.
I like what you said there, and it is great to have supporting material like this.
I bet you are right about fear driving the habits we aren’t interested in having.
Good call there about examining the belief systems. Thanks to this insight, I will be more resolute about it.
On an unrelated note, I listened to a lot of your audio postings on here, and they sure are something special.
Gail Brenner says
Sounds great, Armen! You are taking steps to get to the core of your habit. When you continually shine the light on all the thoughts, beliefs, expectations, emotions, and bodily sensations (next post), the habit starts to unravel. It just can’t hang together anymore because you are so conscious of it.
I’m so glad you are enjoying the audios.
Wishing you well….