“There’s a light bulb in everyone
Bright enough to swallow the sun”
Songwriter Stuart Davis
I used to do a lot of meditation retreats – the hard ones where we would sit in silence for 10 days. When I signed up for the first one, I had no idea what I was in for.
I had been in psychotherapy on and off for years, but was still looking for relief from my inner suffering. Somehow I knew freedom from it was possible. I kept searching and found myself in the desert of California with the cactuses, lizards, and every feeling I had ever suppressed or ignored.
About the fifth day or so, the floodgates opened, as I literally cried nonstop for three days. Yes, it was painful, but so incredibly cleansing. Every emotion had the space to be. It felt like they had been waiting a thousand years to finally be invited out into the open. And they were having a field day.
By the end of the retreat, my whole inner world had transformed. I had released so much into the vastness of the desert sky: old stories, onerous feelings, confused beliefs. Talk about baggage, the chains were breaking so fast I couldn’t keep track. I left the desert feeling so much lighter. It was the beginning of true freedom that has continued to this day.
Even now, I occasionally become aware of some hidden remnant that draws me into an old reaction or thought pattern. And I happily shine the light on it so I am conscious enough to allow a different choice. Snip, snip…another piece of baggage left at the side of the road.
Identifying the Baggage
Although retreats can be very useful, they aren’t required to let go of the outdated baggage we carry around. In fact, all that is required is the willingness to see the truth, to air the dirty laundry packed up in those suitcases, to put the whole mess out onto the floor so it is no longer trapped inside of us.
So right now, in this moment, what baggage are you still carrying around?
Here are some possibilities:
- A relationship with someone that you know in your heart of hearts has seen better days and is no longer serving you;
- A grudge that keeps you from soaring;
- A habit that somehow hooked you but doesn’t fit anymore.
- A perspective or way of thinking that is confining, depleting, or just plain negative.
- An identity as unworthy, meek, lacking, fearful, controlling, needy – a case of mistaken identity that masks the awesomeness of who you actually are.
How to Put it Down
You’ve identified your version of baggage? Great! Time for celebration! You have just completed the first essential step toward being free of it.
Second step: Whatever the trouble is, welcome it into your loving heart. Recognize that it showed up in your life to protect or help you. See that it’s job is done and the time has come to say goodbye. Ask yourself: Do I need it? Is it serving me? Is it time to put it down?
I recently spoke with someone who is working on eating a healthier diet. As we splayed open the problem, examining every aspect of her experience related to food, it became obvious that her unhealthy eating habits are a vestige of an old way of being. At one time, she felt her body had betrayed her, so she disconnected from it and stopped paying attention to how she was treating it. Now so beautifully welcoming to all of her inner experiences, unhealthy eating no longer fits. Where before food was a weapon, it is becoming a joyful feast.
Next step: Make the shift. When the old tendency arises, choose life. Walk away every time, and step into the possibility of a life unencumbered by old baggage.
Allow change to happen. It’s OK if you feel fearful or uncomfortable. As you let go of what is old and outmoded, you are making the space for something new to arise. This is the beginning of a life lived in freedom.
Everything New
After that first retreat, the world never looked quite the same to me. The inexorable process of shedding couldn’t be stopped. Investigating every habit, every limited identity, every reaction became a way of life that has revealed greater and greater depths of openness and possibility.
Subtract all of these tendencies, and discover what remains…ease…peace…wonder…love.
What baggage are you carrying around? Is it time to let it go? I’d love to hear….
Greg Blencoe says
Gail,
Wow, it’s very interesting that you got rid of a lot of baggage through a 10-day meditation retreat!
I actually have never heard of meditation retreats before, but I imagine sitting in silence for that long is a wonderful way to confront and release deep negative feelings.
There are a few ways that I have been able to get rid of old baggage (which, I agree, feels GREAT).
Like you, meditation has really helped me with this. When you feel connected to your inner spirit/source energy, it’s pretty difficult to carry emotional baggage around! The pure positive energy and the negative energy just don’t go together.
I also have become much more grateful over the past 2-3 years. This has pretty much become a habit for me. And since gratitude feels good, I don’t feel like stepping down to the negative thoughts of the old baggage.
Another thing I have started doing is to ask myself the following question when I am thinking about old baggage (and when I am having negative thoughts in general):
“Does this make you feel good?”
Of course, the answer is always no! Therefore, this allows me to immediately shift my thoughts to something much more positive.
Finally, I think being around more positive people that do not carry around as much old baggage has also helped. It can be emotionally draining to be around people who carry around a lot of old baggage. On the other hand, I am uplifted when I am around people who carry around much less old baggage. This allows me to experience the ease, peace, wonder, and love that you described above.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Greg,
You have such a great interest in these matters of the inner life – I feel your spirit through your words.
Your path has taken you to some wonderful places: gratitude, questioning, and intention about who you want in your life. I love your point about questioning by asking, “Does this feel good?” When we are willing to openly investigate our thoughts, the results are simple, but very profound. We see that assumptions we have carried around aren’t really true and don’t really serve us.
I appreciate so much your sharing what you have discovered!
Greg Blencoe says
You’re very welcome, Gail! Thanks for the post. I really enjoyed it.
Jean says
Oh Gail . .. this is an ongoing process here. And it feels so WONDERFUL each time another “bag” drops to the wayside. Some of them are even recycled; one person’s ceiling is another’s floor?
🙂
The biggest burst-wide-open moments have come through in the silence and also in unexpected moments. One of the biggest breakthroughs came during an enjoyable trip, where most feelings would be described as “happy.”
One day during the visit, the floodgates opened! Emotions, accusations, misunderstandings floated in from all directions. I felt so betrayed, alone and blind-sided.
Fortunately, I chose not to depart from the yucky stuff and decided to say “yes” to it – at least until it could be better sifted. After efforts to stand (even emotionally) in places where others were speaking from, the unexpected occurred. Literally, as if a light were turned on, things were more clearly visible, understood. And we all felt lighter. Those must have been some huge bags; some had been *stowed* for a long, long time.
Gail Brenner says
What a beautiful experience you had, Jean, with enduring effects. You made the courageous choice by choosing not to depart and saying “yes” to all of it. When we receive in authenticity what is actually here, miracles can unfold.
Sometimes the bags drop on their own, and sometimes they need a little assist by having the intention to recognize and investigate them. All worth it, though, as we move forward less encumbered, lighter, clearer.
And it is definitely an ongoing process. Each “bag” I continue to find reveals a deeper level of freedom and release.
Thanks so much for sharing your story, Jean.
Big hug to you….
Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills says
Gail, this is such an important aspect of creating inner harmony. Imagine a computer where we never run the defragmenter. We have years worth of fragmented files running around inside us like emotional free-radicals looking to derail our efforts.
I have practiced the Release Technique (much like the Sedona method) for many years. Life is so much lighter without all that old baggage.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Jonathan,
Well, I had to look up defragmenter, and now I see your metaphor very clearly! Conscious awareness is what integrates the fragments into one fully functioning whole. And, Yes!, our unexamined emotions are just like free-radicals floating around causing all kinds of trouble.
Any technique that encourages the seeing of these experiences fully and releasing of them can be useful. Awareness is the key along with the willingness to let go and experience the new and unknown. Your realization of freedom is so beautifully expressed through your words. Thanks so much for sharing it.
Sending love…
Gail
Persha -DumpedDays says
Most people get stuck when they are unconscious and unaware of how certain emotions shape them as people, or when they think a certain emotion or event is another person’s responsibility.
It is not easy for everyone, but if you intend to move beyond where you are stuck, you have to take a fresh outlook.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Persha,
Thanks SO much for your comment, and a warm welcome to you!!
You so clearly express the possibility of moving beyond where we are stuck. Even though it isn’t easy for everyone, being conscious about how our emotions affect us and not giving up responsibility for them can be completely transformative.
Then, when a difficult emotion arises, we can rejoice at the opportunity for freedom – simply by being aware!! A fresh outlook is all that is needed.
I so appreciate your wise words…
Chris Edgar says
Hi Gail — this post comes at an interesting time for me, because the thought has come up for me that I should go to the desert. I’m sure that may sound strange, and it certainly seems strange to me. But anyway, this had me get curious: what brought you to the desert where you had your release experience?
Gail Brenner says
Welcome, Chris!
At the time, about 14 years ago (!!), I was going to Spirit Rock Meditation Center outside San Francisco. I had been increasing the amount of time I was meditating, and the obvious next step was to do a longer retreat. At the time, Spirit Rock didn’t have retreat facilities, so they rented a place in the high desert near Joshua Tree National Park.
I had never before spent any time in the desert, and found the environment absolutely amazing. It was so stark and extreme with a beautiful, sort of other-worldly natural landscape. And it was so very still. The perfect environment for silent meditation.
Wishing you all the best on your journey…
Jeanne Male says
Gail, such an important topic and bright, open group of people commenting. Pema Chodron speaks of how important it is for us to simply stay with fear to allow healing, unfolding, or release. A regular practice in self-awareness (through meditation, introspection, counseling or a mix thereof) is surely best incorporated as a part of life like Jonathan’s analogies for defrag maintenance! .
Gail Brenner says
Hi Jeanne,
Thanks so much for visiting the site and for your comment!
I love the teachings of Pema Chodron, and recently included a quote of hers in the post entitled, Everyday Meditation.
If what we want is to live in peace, a regular practice of self-awareness is a huge support. I have found that it builds on itself to the point where living in presence eventually begins to come quite naturally. Resistance falls away and there is only the blessing of living a very happy life – not in a pollyanna way, but by receiving the richness of what every moment offers.
Armen Shirvanian says
Hi Gail.
I like that the message here tells us that it is worth it to analyze and potentially remove past baggage. I think many people think that doing this is a waste of time, as there is an assumption that baggage will disappear or be replaced with new material in our minds, which I have not seen to be the case.
Past material being carried around doesn’t seem to just disappear on its own. It is like we put a book in our bookshelf, and then expect the book to fly away when we have absorbed all the material in it. We still have to go through the process of checking if we got everything we needed from the book, and then get rid of it or give it to someone else or so on.
That little boy or girl inside of us sure can use up a lot of energy carrying some of this heavy baggage.
Gail Brenner says
Hey, Armen,
It’s surprising to me, but maybe people do think that looking at their baggage is a waste of time, or maybe they don’t even know it’s there, or they’re afraid to take a look. What’s important about your comment, though, and in the way you are approaching your life (as far as I can tell), is that you embrace the value of investigating your inner world so you can move forward without being weighed down – which is an amazing way to be.
These old patterns rarely, if ever, disappear on their own. But they absolutely can soften and even fly away entirely when they are seen with loving attention.
Your comment about the little boy or girl inside us using up the energy is so, so tender – and so true. Baggage keeps us spinning our wheels, with our true gifts hidden away. When we empty out the bags and allow the contents to be seen, they lose their power, and we can live with ease, free to express our natural creativity. We can truly light up the world.
Marko @ CalmGrowth says
“all that is required is the willingness to see the truth” – in lives of many people this may be the main obstacle, they do not want to see the truth.
The changes are very important thing in our lives. However, many people are afraid of change. They are afraid of change, because “maybe” something can go bad.
Excellent article, I think you’re an exceptional person.
Gail Brenner says
I so much appreciate your comment, Marko, and thank you for visiting the site.
I see it the same way you do – that fear holds us back from change. When we change, we are stepping out into the unknown – we don’t know what the change will bring.
Some people try to make the fear disappear, which doesn’t really work. The fear is there as a teacher, as a valuable aspect of our experience. We can meet the fear in love, get to know it, understand how it sees the world, which helps to move through it.
I think one reason people hold onto baggage is the fear of the unknown. When the time is right, letting go and allowing whatever happens to happen brings peace beyond peace.
Linda says
I really enjoy your website. I have been trying to improve myself for the last 5 years and so far so good. But there is one thing still holding me back, I have this constant habit or need to try save my sister. She has such low self-esteem and makes many bad choices. I have tried to stop but I notice I just turn off, and I dont know how to be there for her without trying to fix or give advice, money or all the other bad things that enable her. I have suggested tons of books, websites etc for her to read. But its my experience, that you cant change unless your ready. I just need to make peace with myself, but how? Any thoughts or comments most welcome.
Gail Brenner says
I so appreciate your comment and question, LInda. Welcome to the site! I am very glad to hear about things being better for you in the past 5 years. Our efforts in the direction of wholeness really do bear fruit, as you can attest to.
It sounds to me like you are trying to do the impossible – which is to change someone else. It sounds like you have done everything, and your sister is still pretty much the same. You obviously know what you are doing isn’t working.
So I wonder if you can bring your attention away from her to your inner experience. What is it like for you when she shows low self-esteem or makes bad choices? It sounds to me like you are having some internal reaction that you are trying to avoid by your efforts to help her. What if you stopped the help and let yourself feel whatever is happening inside of you. Maybe you feel powerless or frustrated or scared. What you find may not be comfortable to be with, but investigating it is the key to your freedom.
Once you see what is happening inside of you, take good care of yourself. Know that when you get the urges to help her, you are avoiding your own pain. Bring your attention to this pain and love it with all your heart. Do this every time the help urge arises, and you will eventually see the wisdom of not helping.
We can never walk someone else’s path. Our job is to stay in our own business and remove ourselves from others’ business. Be fully with yourself, and things will open for you. And you never know what will happen with your sister. If you start treating her as if she were already whole (that is, you stop fixing her), it might help more than any amount of money.
I would love to hear how it goes for you, so feel free to let me know.
Sending love,
Gail
Jenn says
This blog is delightful! I am glad to be here tonight. Thank you so much for this gift, Gail and your community also!
I am not sure which spoke more for everything flowed beautifully even through all the lovely comments,.. I saved some notes.
What is interesting is I find on our spiritual journey we surround ourselves with what we need, for me it meant actually moving to a place which reminds me of a desert because I am a bit nature buff so to me it feels like I am living into my wilderness until I can move on over to the mountains.. spiritual wholeness..
so definitely intensive training and a lot of shedding the baggage and stepping out onto the plains. No more trees and pretty stuff to hide behind, bare and open and ‘free’..
I love the picture given here of the little girl or boy in us having to carry all this heavy baggage. I tend to overweight myself even as an adult carrying groceries for goodness sake, so you can imagine what is going on on the inside. I tend to have that independency that keeps surfacing and wanting to control rather than surrender it ALL. and LOVE it all.
I am learning to love IT ALL , about myself, every part of the journey and my numerous insecurities to alas be super clear in spirit and physically and emotionally light on this beautiful journey,..I am getting there slowly! Certainly the bags that are dropping off lately are very big stuff so I am thinking it has to be done soon! 😉 I can’t wait to celebrate and start creating in this NEW space!
xx Jenn
Gail Brenner says
Jenn!
Welcome, welcome. I am so happy to have you visit here, and I appreciate that some of these posts really resonate with you.
I love hearing about your journey. It sounds like you have finally arrived at a place where you are so willing to take a look at everything – even the tendency to control! It takes energy to suppress feelings and keep our secrets hidden. Bringing everything out into the light of awareness may be painful or scary at times, but it is the only path to true freedom.
As we shed the baggage, there is space for creativity to flourish. Enjoy! I am celebrating with you!
Love, Gail
penelope says
i like to pray. for me its the only time i feel that someone is actually listening and actually cares. i also breath 10 deep breath when i am in a bad mood
Gail Brenner says
Hi Penelope,
A warm welcome to you…So glad you visited here and took the time to comment.
Prayer and breathing – these are such beautiful, centering practices. When we are involved in prayer or focusing on the breath, the mind can’t entertain thoughts of the past. And I love how you feel listened to when you pray. It gives us the sense that we are not alone, that something greater is holding everything in love.
I appreciate your sharing these suggestions.