I am excited to share with you that this post is part of a collaborative writing project. Today, myself and three of my favorite bloggers are publishing posts on the theme of “Getting Unstuck.” This project is an offering to support freedom. When each of us takes responsibility for getting unstuck, a powerful momentum for true transformation develops. Please click on the links to check out the other posts. These lovely women are, moving clockwise from the upper right of the photo:
- Robin Easton at Naked in Eden Blog
- Catrien Ross at Energy Doorways
- Tara Sophia Mohr at Wise Living
And here are my thoughts on getting unstuck:
The only way out is through.
~Howard Nemerov
If the only way out is through, then the only way to truly get unstuck is to experience stuckness. Sure, you can try out a new behavior, take a class, or set your alarm an hour early. Anything that takes us out of our routines and habits can shake things up.
But if we are stuck in a familiar and long-standing pattern, then fix-it strategies usually aren’t enough. Why? Because the only way out is through. The conditioned tendencies that bring so much suffering to our lives are fueled by tender feelings that hide outside of our awareness.
Until we turn to recognize and embrace these feelings, they continue to hang around, nipping at our heels.
This principle of inner work is tremendously useful. If you want to get unstuck, see through to the source of the stuckness. If you want to be peaceful, explore the ways you struggle and fight. If you want more love, investigate the nature of lack and inadequacy. Resistance ends when we bring our attention to the experiences that are actually here, rather than to the ones we wish were here.
Make this a lifestyle, and watch your life transform.
An Example of Moving Through
Recently, I felt stuck, and some would call it writer’s block. I tried making notes, taking a walk, meditating, forcing myself to sit in front of my computer. None of it helped. Then, I had the brainstorm to follow my own advice. I was stuck, so why not investigate stuckness?
To be honest, it was a huge relief. I moved from resistance and problem-solving to actually experiencing what was present. I felt the rigidity in my limbs, clenching in my throat, frustration welling up from the pit of my stomach.
My mind, which had been working overtime to come up with a solution, felt spacious and relaxed, and the words began to flow once again. I went through, and I came out the other side.
Befriend Your Most Tender Feelings
There is no shortcut to this process, and here’s why. Painful experiences are part of the landscape of being human. When we are young, we invariably encounter feelings that are too painful to bear. We may react to events with basic emotions like terror or rage, but we lack the tools and sense of safety to actually feel them.
What happens to these undigested emotional reactions? We push them out of conscious awareness. We ignore or deny or forget. But they don’t go away entirely. They show up in the form of bodily tension, illness, confusion, difficult relationships, unsatisfying habits, and lives off track. We engage in any behavior we can come up with, even if it hurts us, to avoid the pain.
The decision to turn our attention directly into what we are feeling is revolutionary. It opens up the possibility for those disenfranchised parts of ourselves to be seen, experienced, and healed by love.
Discover the Hidden Diamond
Every way in which we find ourselves stuck invites us to find the brilliant diamond hidden among the thistles. If we follow any unsatisfying pattern or reaction to its source, we discover a long-lost piece of ourselves. If we allow ourselves to simply feel the pain, the treasures of peace, ease, and new beginnings are realized. We no longer fight to keep the wolves at bay; the tragic war with our own inner experience comes to an end.
Freedom from being stuck in our habits and tendencies is absolutely possible. Happiness, deep peace, joy, satisfying interactions, fulfillment – these are our birthright, truly. They are right here, even in this moment. But when we are caught up in our patterns, doing everything except being with what is, these essential life qualities have no room to breathe.
Once we make the choice to befriend the painful fragments of our being, our attention is freed from the chains of the past, and these authentic aspects of ourselves are revealed. As these tender parts are welcomed back from the depths of unconsciousness, we begin to relax, we feel whole and light, we are no longer bound by uncontrollable patterns.
So if you want to get unstuck, go through. Bring your loving attention right into the hardest place. I can assure you it won’t be as bad as you think. Embrace what you discover in true friendship and love, and enjoy the fruits of your courageous exploration.
Care to share your experience with being stuck? With getting unstuck? To read more, please visit the blogs of my beloved friends.
- Robin Easton, Naked in Eden Blog: Live Learn and Get Unstuck
- Catrien Ross, Energy Doorways: Getting Unstuck by Gently Letting Go
- Tara Sophia Mohr, Wise Living: Getting Unstuck
Albert | UrbanMonk.Net says
Hey Gail, this is a great article, beautifully laid out and explained. And thanks for the link out 😀
Gail Brenner says
Hi Albert,
The collaboration a few of you did some months ago was fabulous, and obviously inspired me! Thanks so much!
Tara Mohr says
Gail,
This is so calming, and so wise.
I’m intrigued by this idea of leaning into the stuckness, really being present to that,and seeing what’s there.
It got me thinking about exercise…an area I’ve been stuck around for…well, you know, only about 15 years.
I tend to focus on the ideal that I want, the exercise routine and fitness level I’d love to have, and on “making that happen”….and for 15 years, that hasn’t worked.
After reading this, I’m realizing how much information I’m missing that’s in the stuckness, and I am going to delve into it and even befriend it, to use your words. Particularly because this issue runs so deep for me, I can see that I’m going to find a lot of hidden diamonds there.
Gail, again and again your work gives us permission to exhale and be with everything that is here, and to benefit from it all. That is a very rare gift, a very rare contribution.
Love, Tara
.-= Tara Mohr´s last blog ..Getting Unstuck =-.
Gail Brenner says
Tara,
Your comment brings tears of tenderness to my eyes. There is a whole repository of information we tend to forget about, and it is so rich! It is usually the hard stuff, which, as humans, we are hard-wired to avoid. But when we actually explore, the hard isn’t that hard, and the benefits of exploring are so apparent.
There is always a way to release from our stuckness – it’s a matter of navigating the terrain to find the hidden diamond, the hook, the unseen justification. And all of these experiences so want to be seen, to be welcomed into the light of aware being, in love.
Tara, I wish you deep exploration and fruitful insights.
Big love to you, my friend and sister.
Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills says
Hi Gail, this is read #2 for me as I drink in the these wonderful articles. I’m loving it.
You handled this beautifully Gail, absolutely beautifully. I found myself picking out quote worthy phrases in ever paragraph and the flow was perfect.
We can’t move through something if we are practicing avoidance at the same time. And somehow, trying to go around always leads back to the same place (sooner or later).
This was clarity at it’s best, thank you! Okay, I’m off to see what Catrien has to say.
.-= Jonathan – Advanced Life Skills´s last blog ..Choose the Life You Really Want =-.
Gail Brenner says
So glad to see you are inspired by our project, Jonathan. It was so much fun to organize.
Your comment contains a very wise nugget: “We can’t move through something if we are practicing avoidance at the same time.” This is SO true. If we want to move through, and if we realize we are avoiding, the path becomes clear. The funny thing is: as soon as we stop avoiding, we are through. When we meet all the pieces of emotion, memory, etc. hanging out in our unconscious, things start flowing again in that moment.
I have so much respect for the integrity and heart you bring to your work. Thank you.
Robin Easton says
Dearest Gail, It is so amazing how obvious this is and yet almost NONE of us are taught to do this. You have expressed it clearly and beautifully. I read this with great enthusiasm because it is one of the lessons I learned years ago in the rainforest. And it has stayed with me ever since. It BECAME me so fully that I can’t imagine living any other way.
Although, as I was reading this I started to laugh because I live this so fully that often people are stunned when I head right into whatever I’m feeling. I’ve done it for so long that I forget that not only do other people sometimes live differently, but that “I” was once different.
Another interesting part of this is that I had to learn to be VERY aware when I started to live like this because I would move right into/through whatever I was feeling and people would sometimes say, “Oh, just let it go. Just don’t think about it. ” And one day, I turned to a friend and asked, “So you’re saying I should just try and shut it out? Or somehow shove it down and keep going business as usual?” And the friend very earnestly said, “Yes, that’s what I do. Then you won’t have to think about it. It will only upset you or scare you.” And I said, “That isn’t how I deal with things. I don’t hang onto them, I let them move through me (or as you said, Gail, we move through them). I explore them so that I know who I am.”
The beauty of this for me is that I don’t hang onto anything. I walk around feeling very free inside, naturally happy, and very much in the present moment. Not a lot of energy is used to “keep things at bay”.
I’m not saying that there aren’t times that controlling some emotion or reaction. or TEMPORARILY setting on it the back burner can’t be a very useful tool, but most of us make “shutting it out” and “shoving it down” a way of life.
It’s like I once told someone, after she said, “Oh you are so frightened.” And I stopped what I was doing and realized that I had to explain, “No, What I’m doing is exploring my fear and am very comfortable feeling fear. It will be over soon; (LOL) I’m just letting myself explore it so it can pass through me. If it’s too much for you I totally understand.” An amazing thing happened. She was quiet for a minute and then said, “I guess what’s happening is that “I” am the one who is frightened. Seeing you so fearlessly open, brings up all the things I’ve stuffed down, all the things I don’t want to look at.” I thought that was an amazing moment of insight for her and an amazing moment of confirmation for me. She went on to ask me if I thought she was strong enough to let her feelings pass through her as she explored them. I told I thought she was and could just move at her own pace. Learning as she goes.
It was one of the pivotal moments for both of us. Thank you for letting me share all this. It is wonderful to be this inspired. You have given me more words for something I just take for granted. So I get to claim more of me and be aware of and honor/nurture this part of me that is very willing to move into myself even when I am frightened, uncomfortable and don’t know where I am headed.
I just love you so much and this really did me a world of good today. Sorry it’s so long but I couldn’t help myself.
Much love and many hugs,
Robin
.-= Robin Easton´s last blog ..Live Learn and Get Unstuck =-.
Gail Brenner says
Robin,
Being around you makes my heart burst open! Your words – all of them – are always welcome here.
You so beautifully describe a way of life that is open and available to everything. I find that I sometimes need to remind myself to feel the feelings or look directly into a place where I am stuck. That aha moment, where I realize that I don’t have to stay confined in a “problem,” is so energizing. Your comment reminds me of martial arts like aikido, where being in the flow, not resisting, is part of the foundation.
Your friend was very astute in the interaction you describe. She realized that she was projecting her fear onto you. I think this happens a lot. People who live in nonresistance become a blank slate where others’ projections can be clearly seen. Since you weren’t reacting to her fear, it could only come from one place – her. Happily, she was ready for this beautiful insight.
Byron Katie speaks of “living amends,” where once we have cleaned out our grudges, we live in perpetual letting go. What you are describing is similar, a way of living with all of our experiences as they are occurring – also a perpetual letting go.
Robin, your comments always contribute so much. Just reading them inspires people (me!) to live a life that is more true, more loving, more free.
Lots of love, my friend,
Gail
Catrien Ross says
Gail, this is such an amazing piece, thank you so much for the wisdom that lights your every word.
I read your post before sleeping, when it was too late to write comments, and again this morning, and once more the power of your insight flows through me.
There is so much I want to quote – the entire piece actually, again and again. I especially love, ” Resistance ends when we bring our attention to the experiences that are actually here, rather than to the ones we wish were here.”
Wishful thinking is so far removed from letting what happens move through us. In trying to put ourselves somewhere else in our minds we miss the transforming reality of what is really, now, here, present. And we end up missing so much of our own lives.
The enormous power in our article is distilled in your simple, world-shattering directive, “So if you want to get unstuck, go through. Bring your loving attention right into the hardest place.”
Look at what is most painful or what blocks us most, breathe into it, embrace it, love it, thank it. As we go through, all goes through us and we become the life we live, the sensory wonder we experience, the unbounded grandeur of our multi-faceted existence.
Thank you so much, Gail. I am so honored to call you a friend, so humbled by your insight and so inspired by your ability to articulate with such compassionate eloquence these core truths of our lives.
Morning greetings from the mountains in Japan – Catrien Ross.
.-= Catrien Ross´s last blog ..Catrien Ross on Getting Unstuck By Gently Letting Go =-.
Gail Brenner says
Beautiful to hear from you, Catrien.
When we engage in wishful thinking, or any other method of avoidance, we do end up missing so much of our own lives, as you so tenderly point out. Life is always here, living itself, offering everything so generously, and if we are captivated by our thinking, it passes us by.
We avoid experiences because somehow they have been deemed too painful or difficult, when actually they are love itself, each one a doorway.
I am a big fan of “world-shattering directives,” as I know you are as well. When we put everything up for grabs to be seen, investigated, known, we open to the unknown. May our worlds be shattered over and over…
Angela Artemis says
Gail, I really resonate with this post. I’ve been following along with the theme of getting unstuck since I read Catrien’s article earlier. What an ingenious idea!
“We engage in any behavior we can come up with, even if it hurts us, to avoid the pain.”
When I read this it reminded me that the source of all pain is resistance. The more we resist the pain – the more it hurts. Going with it and following to the source is the best advice – I wholeheartedly agree. To get unstuck we need to move and how can we move with pain paralyzing us? Thank you for this fabulous post.
.-= Angela Artemis´s last blog ..What’s Love Got to Do With Reality? =-.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Angela,
I am delighted to meet you.
So much wisdom in your comment. The source of the pain is not the pain itself, but the resistance to it. We can’t move with the pain paralyzing us, but we can be with the pain and the experience of feeling paralyzed. There is always a way out, one way out, which is to deeply allow whatever is arising. When we befriend our experience, we heal any division and re-discover our innate wholeness. Whew! It’s a relief to no longer expend the energy to avoid or defend.
Thanks so much for stopping by!
Linda Wolf (Insanely Serene) says
Thanks for a great post, Gail, and the amazing collaboration you put together with these other great bloggers. I relate to this insight from Angela and your response – I agree with the idea that it is resistance to a feeling that produces the most pain – and wonder how far we can take this. My best friend has been shot in the hand and when it happened, though he felt some pain, he was mostly fascinated by the sight of it and experience of the sensations (some shock was involved here, but this observation/fascination is his approach to life). I wonder how possible it is to observe, accept, acknowledge such things as chronic physical pain…I do know for emotional pain this idea of allowing definitely works, I’ve let go of most of my past traumas by reentering and reliving the feelings. Fear held me back from this for years and years. But now I am so much freer for the effort.
It’s difficult to go through, but to me, it’s worse, much more painful, to stay stuck.
Thanks for hitting this topic head on!
Linda
Gail Brenner says
Hi Linda!
If we are willing to embrace all of our experience, it doesn’t really matter if the pain is emotional or physical. Physical pain is just sensation. We might tell ourselves a story about it, but when we let the thoughts go, all that is left is the physical experience. It sounds like your friend was able to stay very present with his experience and not spin an hysterical story about it. Thanks for sharing what happened to him – please send him my wishes for a quick and full recovery.
Physical pain is definitely affected by the way we think about it. If we tell ourselves catastrophizing thoughts (“This is horrible. It won’t ever go away.”), the pain is sure to feel worse. There have been many studies done that show that thoughts and context have a lot to do with the experience of pain. I haven’t had a lot of physical pain, so I can’t speak from personal experience. But I do know what it’s like to be holding a challenging yoga pose for a long time. The thoughts about needing to change position appear long before the body is at its edge. So it’s useful to move our attention away from the thoughts and welcome the direct experience of the sensations. Just breathing and being can be so delicious – even when the body is quite uncomfortable.
If we want to know the truth, if we want to be at peace, then embracing whatever arises is the path. Your experience shows the possibility, and your commitment to this process is so clear. When we allow our darkness to be seen in the light, freedom and healing happen.
Deborah Wall says
Hi Gail,
This is my first time to your blog and I just wanted to add my voice to the others.
I’m having lots of lovely “stuck” experiences at the moment and I know when I allow myself to experience them rather than judge them as unacceptable – they add to me.
So thanks for the reminder to love the stuckness – resistence, after all, is futile.
.-= Deborah Wall´s last blog ..If you’ve never experienced the joy of accomplishing more than you can imagine, plant a garden. ~ Robert Brault =-.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Deborah, and welcome to you. So glad you stopped by.
“Lovely stuck experiences” – I love that you call them lovely! Our stuck experiences are just experiences, waiting for our loving attention. And in the awareness of them is the end of the stuckness. Life free flowing once again. So sweet to hear your voice – thank you for the addition.
Sending love….
Gail
Armen Shirvanian says
Hi Gail.
I like the underlying message here. I make sure to avoid getting stuck as much as possible. When I have gotten stuck in the past, and then thought through the situation or reflected on it, I realized that I got stuck for nothing. Now, whenever I get close to getting stuck, I just remember that it has always been for nothing, and I am freed.
“If we follow any unsatisfying pattern or reaction to its source, we discover a long-lost piece of ourselves.” That is a cool point. I’d say it is worth following the pattern back to the source then. The more of ourselves that we work with, the easier life is.
Related to that last point, a lot of individuals are running at a fraction of their potential. Some people are running at 20% of their full capacity because of energy-sucking cycles and resistance and so on. When I see a successful person and an unsuccessful person, I actually see two regular people, one of whom keeps rolling through their day, and the other who is just as able but who brings heavy friction upon themselves. There’s not so much that separates Richard Branson from common person A or person B.
.-= Armen Shirvanian´s last blog ..Are You Making Ideas Happen Or Just Making Ideas? =-.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Armen,
Another beautiful comment brimming with intelligence! Thank you. So simple: if we realize we get stuck for nothing, why go there? It takes a lot of awareness to live in this manner. Sometimes we have to get stuck a lot before we finally say, “enough.” We have to be willing for things to be different. And I know, Armen, that you live your life according to all of these qualities, which makes you a role model and inspiration.
I love your image of someone rolling through the day vs. someone encountering a lot of friction. This is so well said. When we allow ourselves to continually get stuck, we are creating friction that keeps us held back from reaching our full potential. So you think Richard Branson doesn’t get stuck? Probably not. He definitely has the capacity to think big and accomplish his vision. I imagine fear is not too much a part of his life. Anyway, I could go on – I’m stuck thinking about Richard Branson now!!
rob white says
Hi Gail,
This was really interesting as I have known the “Stuck” feeling well. It all begins with awareness, once we can identify the pattern or habit we can begin to change it. It is often impossible for one to self-diagnose what has them stuck on the deepest level. I’ve had many people come to me asking me help them “make more money” etc. With a few questions it is easy to reveal something about themselves that they never knew existed (a consciousness of scarcity is usually what has them stuck in that domain). Studying with various teachers & masters has helped me identify these in myself. Now my biggest “Stuckness” is writers block. I have come to accept this as part of the creative process and am able to get out of the way and let the Universe to direct me.
.-= rob white´s last blog ..The Big Three: Being, Doing & Having =-.
Gail Brenner says
Rob,
There are so many points in your comment that I can identify with. It is possible for people to identify within themselves the source of being stuck, but often it helps tremendously to have a guide. Our defenses are so strong, and sometimes we just don’t know where to look. Our way of thinking is so familiar to us it’s difficult to see objectively. The example of helping people find the hidden scarcity mentality is spot on. And you mentioned teachers – I have so much gratitude for my teachers who have so generously pointed the way.
If anyone reading this has been stuck for a while and can’t find their way out, my suggestion would be to find someone to support you. It is possible to get unstuck.
And I know writer’s block, although I learned something very important in the process of writing this post. Once I stopped trying to push myself and scrambling to get the post written, I went directly into the stuckness with my attention, felt the feelings in my body, and stopped the story in my mind of “I have writer’s block.” It really felt like a weight lifted off me. You so beautifully speak of surrender – “I let the Universe direct me.”
So sweet to have this conversation with a like-minded friend.
nothingprofound says
One can only be stuck, if one has a goal. The minute you eliminate the goal, you are no longer stuck. So the problem really lies in thinking you have a problem.
Gail Brenner says
Hi NP,
Welcome to A Flourishing Life! So glad you stopped by.
I absolutely love your comments – you make the most profound points with the fewest words!
Yes, if we are feeling stuck, there is something not OK about where we are, and what we want is to be somewhere else. If we let go of the goal of getting somewhere else, where do we end up? Here. Then, no problem. And if we are willing to be totally, authentically, honestly here, no problem.
Thank you for making this so clear. I wish you well…
Topi says
I love the idea that “If you want to get unstuck, see through to the source of the stuckness”. We get taught to bury our feelings and issues, to ignore them and they’ll go away – but they don’t and you don’t often realise that until much later on when they are causing problems (a bit like a pesky stone in your shoe). Just like a stone, if you don’t figure out what’s causing the “stuckness” any solutions you implement will just be bandaids, and we all know they come off after a while!. Thanks for making me think about this, there are few “stuckness” issues I need to give some attention too!
Topi
.-= Topi´s last blog ..10 moments to savour during the day =-.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Topi,
Love the metaphor of the pesky stone in your shoe and the bandaids! We need to take care of these things, or they will fester for sure.
We are taught to bury our feelings, so it is the radical move to bring our attention right into the thick of it. But it is the only true solution to end the suffering that these buried feelings cause. I’m glad you found a few areas of stuckness. Seeing them is a huge step toward transforming them. I wish you well with your exploration.
Lauren says
Dear Gail,
I’ve always loved the statement that the only way out is through. It is a profound truth, I believe. And a key to healing.
While I love the tools we have for creating our lives by focusing on our thinking, following and “tracking” our emotion, if you will, is where the gold lies.
In my 30’s I was fortunate to come upon Domain Shift (Earth Living Foundation). Their workshops emphasized emotional release work, movement, and incredible music and dance.
It freed me because until that point I felt I needed to repress certain feelings, as if they were “bad”.
Now, I know another way. I still have moments where I ignore cues and that is okay. I know how to go into the only way out is through and come out the other end renewed and whole.
Great post. Thank you!
Lauren
Gail Brenner says
Hi Lauren,
A warm welcome to you! Thank you for visiting.
What a beautiful description of a conscious, engaged life! You were so fortunate to have discovered an organization and teachings that helped you to reclaim yourself – the parts you had repressed because you felt they were “bad.” And now you know another way. I am so happy for you!
When we go through, everything is welcomed; we can be at ease with any emotion and simply allow it to be. And in this whole-hearted welcoming is the end of division, of resistance, of suffering. As you said so clearly, we “come out the other end renewed and whole.”
Thank you so much for sharing your experience.
Steven Aitchison says
Hi Gail, this is another great piece of writing and one that is extremely useful as well.
Usually when I have ‘stuck’ moments it’s because of a lack of confidence on my part and the lack of confidence is because I am outside my familiar zone. I am doing my first major product just now and I keep getting stopped at ‘is this good enough’ and it sets me back a few days before I continue on and say to myself ‘finish it’ before asking questions like this.
Thanks Gail for this wonderful project as it has brought 4 great writers together in one place.
.-= Steven Aitchison´s last blog ..What is Your Perfect Day? =-.
Gail Brenner says
Great to hear from you, Steven! This project was such a blast to put together in so many ways. We coordinated so well – I imagine will we do more in the future.
I would think if anyone could recognize their stuckness, it would be you! Limiting thoughts come, that can’t be controlled, but then we have a choice to be stuck or not. Sounds like you are simply not feeding those thoughts. The deeper, truer part of you is saying “finish it.” Struggles like this one have so much to teach us.
I wish you all the best and much success with your product!
Annemieke says
“Every way in which we find ourselves stuck invites us to find the brilliant diamond hidden among the thistles. If we follow any unsatisfying pattern or reaction to its source, we discover a long-lost piece of ourselves.”
I loved this, and I think it is very true. But I also think there was something good in being stuck.
It added to the pressure that made the diamond grow.
.-= Annemieke´s last blog ..Following the Process =-.
Gail Brenner says
I’m delighted to meet you, Annemieke! So glad you stopped by.
Your comment brought tears to my eyes, as it communicated such deep understanding. There is nothing wrong at all with being stuck. In fact, being caught up in some pattern only makes the freedom from it richer. Thank you so much for contributing that essential point.
In the personal development world, we tend to want to banish limiting thoughts, stuckness, etc. Banishing only creates more conflict and struggle. When everything is allowed, the parts that are the result of conditioning will fade away in their own time. Everything that happens is a contribution to our awakening. It brings up so much gratitude in me for everyone and everything.
Walter says
Very deep wisdom you have shared here Gail. This makes me remember the lesson I have learn some time ago. Every experience in our lives we must face in order to understand its nature, and gain some valuable lessons from it. Anything that we don’t understand can only be understood if we become aware of it. 🙂
.-= Walter´s last blog ..Forgotten essence =-.
Gail Brenner says
It is a very wise lesson you have learned, Walter. Thank you so much for sharing it with all of us.
Feeling confused is a sign that we don’t understand something, that something is still hidden from the light of awareness. Among those who are willing, confusion is a helpful signal that invites a deeper exploration.
Wilma Ham says
When I was too busy with scurrying like a little mouse as per Tara’s recent post, I often did not even notice that I was stuck. I just kept pushing and pushing against all common sense. Now I have removed a lot of all the must do’s from my life, I do notice stuckness. But trained as I am, I often still push and ignore that something is not flowing here. I am however learning that stuckness is NOT something to be afraid of, NOT something that is bad and will tear my world apart. I sit with it now, I even dare to do something else, go for a walk or harvest the veggies for dinner while facing what I feel and am going through. It is great to have your words to get more understanding.
Love Wilma
Gail Brenner says
A warm welcome to you, Wilma. So glad to have you visiting over here!
Yours is one of these amazing comments that is so raw, so real. You tell it like it is. No matter how long we have been on a spiritual path or path of truth and awakening, we get stuck. It sounds like removing the must-do’s has helped you to not be stuck so much. But even so, stuck happens! I know this very well in my own life. What is different, though, is your courage to not be afraid of being stuck or what you will find if you look into stuckness. As you so aptly say, we face what we feel. It’s as simple as that. I know of no one who has died from feeling their feelings.
We can all learn from each other, and I have been so nourished by your comment, as I’m sure others are. With my whole heart, thank you…
Hilary says
Hi Gail .. yes don’t bury our heads in the sand .. get on with the difficulties – the sooner they are behind us the better, because then that worry, those decisions have all been dealt with. Face up to things ..
Have a good weekend – Hilary
.-= Hilary´s last blog ..Pevensey Castle, Normans Bay, smuggling and family remembrances … Part 2 =-.
Gail Brenner says
Great to meet you, Hilary.
I love the upbeat, positive energy emanating from your comment! Facing up to things doesn’t necessarily have to be heavy or onerous. We can certainly make it seem that way in our minds, but the truth is, when we embrace what is actually here, the residue gets cleaned up, and there is the space to move on. The results of befriending our experience are the lovely qualities of joy, enthusiasm, aliveness, and peace.
Thanks so much for including your perspective!
Tori Janaya says
Gail, I just read your newsletter (beautiful!) and then this article. Yum. I could feel my shoulders relaxing as I read it, and a joyful “YES!” – the way through is the *only* way (when all other attempts have failed! – LOL).
Thanks, too, for taking your inspiration from http://www.urbanmonk.net and inviting these beautiful women to share in the Getting Unstuck project. Can’t wait to read their posts as well.
Love to you, dear one….
.-= Tori Janaya´s last blog ..How The Light Gets In =-.
Gail Brenner says
Tori!
A warm hello to you…How sweet to be conversing with you here. And a huge congratulations for getting your site up and running. It is beautiful!
If what we want is complete freedom, then the only way out is through. All other attempts will fail, but it can be helpful to try them out to see. Any coping strategy is about resistance and compartmentalization – something will always remain hidden out of view. Going all the way through allows everything – end of resistance, beginning of enduring peace and happiness. So simple….
And thanks for mentioning the other posts in our “getting unstuck” project. It was such a beautiful experience to work with each of these talented and amazing women.
Farouk says
pretty inspiring Gail, i love the idea that the only way is always through. That gives the person no room for excuses. thank you 🙂
.-= Farouk´s last undefined ..If you register your site for free at =-.
Gail Brenner says
Well, that’s been my experience, Farouk. There is only one way to true freedom and true happiness – which is going through. Anything else leaves unattended, unloved emotions just waiting to bring us suffering once again. Excuses are fine, and I find them now and then myself. It all depends on what we really want.
Great to hear from you!
Marian Youngblood says
Gail: thank you for this marvellous post, but even more, for getting the four of you together – my dear friend Catrien among them – and for the opportunity to explore with all of you how we individually become unstuck. Such a revelation. I have practised much of my later life by ‘going through’, but it is so warm and wonderful to find others in the life-affirming league learning step by step how to ‘allow’. As you say, our greatest stuckness is quite easy to unstick once we let it move through us. Thank you so much for ‘befriending our most tender feelings’ – that is worth pinning on my pillow! before I sleep. We wiriters/bloggers are all beginning to unfold, to express our inner light in ways even we have never dreamed before and I want you to know your light is right out there, showing the way. Bless you for conceiving this collaboration.
.-= Marian Youngblood´s last blog ..Arbor Day and Earth Week =-.
Gail Brenner says
I’m so delighted to meet you, Marian! Thank you for coming by.
I also love hearing about the journeys of people in that “life-affirming league” and their (our) realizations. In fact, this has been an unexpected wonderful side effect of blogging. Initially, I wanted a forum for my writing. Now, I’m blown away over and over by the beautiful sharings that people post here and on other blogs. It is an absolute honor to witness and be a part of this deepening for each and every precious soul.
Our collaborative project was such a joy to organize. Blessings to you…
Felicitas says
Hi Gail,
I’m sick at the moment (coming down with the flu) and was definitely feeling “stuck” about it…
I hate getting sick – it makes me so anxious. I guess “how to be sick” is one of the countless things that we are not taught about! And hence, I’m terrible at it! (I struggle and fight the whole time…)
So, trying to apply what you wrote in your post, I just realised that what ever combination of virus and bacteria I’ve caught, my body needs to move through the process of dealing with them – there’s no way I can avoid it now that that’s started…
So, really, all I can do is let go and support my body lovingly in its encounter with these flu bugs…
I feel a lot more peaceful and a lot less lost now.
Thank you!!
XXX
Gail Brenner says
Hi Felicitas,
I love hearing how you found your way from resistance and confusion to peace. Your body will love you for it, as resistance is hard on the body! What is is, now you can let go and take such good care of yourself. Yes, when you stop resisting, you are no longer lost, you have returned home.
Wishing you well…