You suppose you are the trouble
But you are the cure
You suppose that you are the lock on the door
But you are the key that opens it
It’s too bad that you want to be someone else
You don’t see your own face, your own beauty
Yet, no face is more beautiful than yours.
~Rumi
Start where you are. How could you start anywhere else?
Don’t worry yourself with sweeping changes. No need to be overwhelmed by all the āworkā there is to do.
All we need to do is begin with what is right here, right in this moment. The terror, shame, regret, disappointment. The mess you might be in. A bit of tension somewhere in your chest. Very simple, just start where you are.
Befriend this Moment
Can we make friends with the reality of this moment? Can we let whatever is here drop into the cave of our heart, to be held like a long-lost child. Take the painful feeling, the sad story, the inner fight, and surrender it into the only place of sanity ā your precious, loving heart. Your heart is limitless, hugely capable of receiving all of it.
Discover What You Are Resisting
What do you resist? What do you ignore with busyness, drinking, blaming, drama? What arises the moment before you pick up the phone, grab some cookies, or turn on your ipod? What tender feeling is tapping you on the shoulder, begging for your kind embrace, your āyes?ā Tell the truth to yourself.
Resistance is a form of inner violence. We make our own experiences an enemy out of pain and fear. We divide ourselves up, then wonder why the anxiety won’t go away, why we live in confusion, why life seems flat.
Look at the suffering in the world! It all originates in the unwillingness to meet ourselves fully. All out war and relationship strife, depleting the earth’s resources and the arrogance of thinking we are right ā no difference. My heart breaks over and over as I let it in.
The suffering is even more bittersweet because the solution to problems and dilemmas is closer than close. We heal inner division by allowing everything in. So simple. We stop the effort of pushing away and all is seen effortlessly. The walls we construct fall to pieces, bit by bit. We let ourselves unravel rather than continuing to struggle.
The Search Ends When We Look Within
Finally, with great relief, the insight dawns. You were looking in the wrong place! All answers are revealed when we stop waiting for things to change. We move our attention from the outer to the inner. We welcome fragments of feelings and physical sensations. We willingly create the space for whatever wants to come. We realize the sanity of being a kind and receptive host.
Maybe where you are is: I can’t, it’s too much, I’ll lose it. Then this is your doorway. Welcome in the fear and inflexibility, the āno.ā Do not think you need to be different than you are. Whatever is your experience in this moment is the experience to embrace. Nothing to figure out, nothing to do but open with compassion to this that is here right now.
The only moment we concern ourselves with is this one, as there is no other present moment. We simply open to it. Often, we find it’s not nearly as hard as we thought. We might cry or shake, then eventually the energy that has been tied up moves through. We are left peaceful, wondrous, with so much tenderness toward everyone and everything.
Don’t let fear deter you. Right now, in this moment, start where you are. And in the next moment, start again. Simply open lovingly in each moment, and all is revealed.
How do you experience resistance? What happens when you allow yourself to open? I’d love to hear…
image credit:Ā tibchris
Topi says
What a lovely and insightful post. I particularly like the reminder “Donāt let fear deter you”. I think I need to get that printed on a t-shirt, and wear it every day!
Topi
Gail Brenner says
Hi Topi,
Great to hear from you this morning! “Don’t let fear deter you” asks us to be courageous in our lives, to let the fire of our true heart’s desire burn brightly.
May your fire light up the world….
Karen says
Start where you are…how could you start anywhere else?
How beautiful! Living in the moment brings such joy, beauty and peace of mind. It has also helped me to prepare for the future. It is not easy to do, but I get better at it every day. I am more comfortable with the lessons that I am given, less resistant to change, and more open to the opportunities given to me. My fears have decreased, my anger lessened, and I am much more open to myself. Freedom is heaven. Thank you for your inspiring words!
Karen
Gail Brenner says
Hi Karen,
A warm welcome to you! So glad to have you visit.
I love your comment! It speaks of such willingness to pay attention, to be here, to receive. When we are open to not hanging on to old stories, the anger and fears do decrease. They just don’t have any fuel anymore.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience.
Jean says
As usual, Gail, your profound post is right on time. This very idea has been at the core of all the sifting, churning through various hurt feelings, kindnesses un-returned, slights, hostility, moments I was left abandoned in a crisis . . . It all came back, to me.
Lately, I’ve been taking a cue from the old metaphor of the prisoner planning a jailbreak after 20 years discovers while cobbling his strategy that his little prison cell was never locked. Now, I ask myself: “Who is your jailer?”
Thanks Gail,
Jean
Gail Brenner says
Hi Jean,
Great to hear from you!
Life is messy, isn’t it? Hurts, slights, hostility, etc. We can’t possibly solve it all. The simple solution is to start where you are, the opening of the prison door that is always available to us. We don’t need to concern ourselves with the whole of it – just the arisings in this moment.
Love to you….
Leona says
Thanks for another great post Gail. I LOVE “start where you are”. I suspect we often mentally start our journey at our destination – where we want to be – and then find that step too big to take…and…if we start out by deciding “where we want to be” we are setting/creating/deciding on a goal out of the energy of “our issue” or the energy of “non-acceptance of self”. As we resolve, dissolve by remaining present to the present – as you say by befriending the present – then who knows where we our journey will take us? It may or may not be anything like what we think we want or should be…but it will come from and out of our own experiencing and self-acceptance. It will be uniquely ours.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Leona,
Glad to have you joining the discussion. Thanks for visiting!
Your comment is so clear and so wise. Our minds do take on the big picture and want to know where we are going. Then our path becomes mind-created and flat. Starting here, in every moment, is the antidote. Living in the unknown, allowing the path to unfold…
J. K. R. says
Thanks Gail – somehow your post reminds me of my almost 90 year old mom who has recently moved into assisted living. she had accepted an almost full price offer on her home (which she needs to sell soon to pay for her care) but yesterday the inspector found extensive termite damage and the deal fell through as did the hope of receiving a good price. Rather than worry and fret and comments about how was she going to pay for her care…. she simply accepted the news with, “what is, is” – To me that sure beats worry and fretting about something that can’t be changed. And, to think about it – why be sad and worry about tomorrow – her fees are paid for today…. And, what use would it be to deny the reality of termites??
Gail Brenner says
Your mom’s a wise woman, JKR. I love that she was so matter-of-fact. There’s nothing wrong with planning for her care, but when the deal falls through, that is the reality of the moment. And, yes, termites are also the reality of the moment, but probably not for long…
Chris Edgar says
Thanks for this — I remembered as I was reading this why it’s so useful to have my attention focused on the body — because that takes my attention away from interpreting my sensations, which itself seems like a form of dampening and resistance.
Gail Brenner says
Wow, this is a subtle point, Chris, but very important. Focusing on the body by interpreting the sensations is actually a mind activity. It is not about the body at all and feels like dampening and resistance. Focusing on the body, right now, as it is, with no mind activity, is starting right where you are. It is what’s alive.
Thanks for this…
Nea says
Reading this was oh so comforting. I can’t thank you enough for always being such a wonderful source of inspiration and positivity.
Gail Brenner says
You are so welcome, Nea. In any moment, it’s very simple: start where you are…
Armen Shirvanian says
Hi Gail.
I sure do let fear deter me much more than I would like(even a slight amount isn’t preferable).
That point about not waiting for things to change makes sense. Waiting for things to change before taking action is like waiting for a wall to move before walking through where it was. It reminds me of one quote I saw somewhere that said “No one is coming”, as in that no one is coming to help any adults alter their current routine – the change has to start internally.
I don’t look for things to change on their own. When I look at any personal examples, change came when I did something. Anything external came and went, but internal alterations came and stayed.
The poem at the beginning is friendly.
Gail Brenner says
Hey Armen,
This is such a great reminder: “No one is coming.” This might sound harsh, but it is absolutely true. It puts an end to the waiting and hoping, and puts the responsibility for our lives right back onto ourselves. When we really get that no one is coming, it is the start of a life directed from the inside – from our inner truth and our heart.
Thank you for suggesting looking back to see what has worked and not worked in our lives. We can learn so much from that exercise. Waiting just leads to more waiting. The only changes that are true and reliable are the inner ones. This point is an important addition to the conversation.
I very much appreciate your thoughts and your perspective.
andre says
Your posts seem to have an uncanny way of being spot on. Just what I needed to hear. Reading “What do you resist?” was like being whacked on the head while the light goes on, the band starts playing, all roadblocks get cleared and I can move on. Thank you for doing what you do.
Gail Brenner says
Wow, Andre, I feel the power in your words.
Sometimes things land in us, the shift takes place, and the “problem” is finished. And sometimes this process is gradual. The result is the same: the ability to move on free, unencumbered, with a wide open heart.
So glad to have you as part of our community here.
Emerging Center says
It all starts with acceptance. So obvious, so simplistic… and so scary. In my life, there were times when I was looking up at bottom … and the first step towards Macguyver-ing my way back into the sunlight was to honestly assess the situation.
“From this moment forward…”
http://emergingcenter.wordpress.com
Gail Brenner says
So beautiful in your honesty, EC. It can be very scary to see what is true. It calls into question our treasured beliefs and identities and can turn our lives upside down. But the only way to find truth is to “honestly assess the situation.” It depends on how authentic we want our lives to be.
So glad you visited here. I wish you well….
Carrie says
I stumbled across your site today.. and this article is priceless and perfect for where I am in my life. I have to be brave in being a single mom, feel guilt for wanting to love, and live (currently) with a mom that makes me feel that it just will never be good enough. I am working my way through life, and securing my feet before moving out with my kids… and today, life feels a bit scattered… but I will start where I am, continue to work on the plans I have set for my life (with my children) know that I am strong, and…. well, I’ll deff. visit your site again. Thank you for this post, It was perfect for my morning, and i will remember the words… start where I am. Thank you from a scattered single mom at Christmas time š
Gail Brenner says
HI Carrie,
You are so welcome here any time! You might feel scattered, but there is something very clear coming through your words – the willingness to see things as they are and the commitment to taking it one step at a time to go where you know you need to go. I hear a strength coming from you for sure.
Sending oceans of support, and love…