In every moment of our lives, we have a choice ā to be constrained by fear or to live freely. It’s the difference between being ruled by the head or the heart, adhering to limits or opening ourselves to infinite possibility.
Fear is the #1 deterrent to actualizing a fulfilling, creative, and generally awesome life. Not that there is anything wrong with fear. It’s a natural human emotion that looks out for us by protecting, guiding, and keeping things safe. And sometimes that’s just what we need.
But when fear is in control and our thinking is limited, we are playing it small. Whether we are aware of it or not, we inhabit a self-defined box labeled āsame,ā while ignoring the possibility of what is new, different, and potentially hugely satisfying.
Our inner wisdom is always nudging us in the direction of bigger, freer, and more expansive. It shows up in unconventional ways ā the random thought about what you would love to be doing, the sense of excitement that appears from nowhere, the āYes!ā you feel when you engage with an idea, person, activity, or situation. It may also whisper the truth about what is not working in your life.
Inner Wisdom Triggers Fear
Inner wisdom pushing toward the surface is a signal for fear to go on alert. When we are guided to change, to move out of our comfort zone, to test the waters of the unknown, the part of us that is wired to survive feels threatened. It’s like the inner sentry has just cocked their rifles, ready to defend against the enemy.
Bringing our fear out into the light of day is essential if we want to create the space for our gifts and passions to be expressed. And understanding our inner wisdom helps to liberate it. Learn to navigate these seemingly discordant paths and fear will lose its power over you.
Get to Know Fear
Although fear can diminish with time, it is unlikely to disappear altogether. Think of coping with fear as a lifestyle. The goal of getting to know fear is not to eliminate it, but to become aware of it so it can be recognized and understood. It may arise a million more times, but when you are open to working with it rather than hiding from it, you can begin to find your way through with a modicum of ease.
When fear is triggered, here is what happens:
- Our minds formulate every possible (and not so possible) negative outcome so that we don’t move forward.
- We have thoughts filled with self-doubt ā I can’t, I couldn’t, I shouldn’t.
- We feel tense and nervous.
- We worry.
- We might feel sick.
- We don’t want to take a risk.
- We feel paralyzed, afraid to make a move.
- We want to linger in familiar territory.
- We want to remain in control.
The experience of fear is all about protecting us from the unknown. It is ironic that fear wants us to stay on familiar ground, even if the life situation or thought pattern we play out isn’t serving us. But something in us knows when the time is ripe to let go of the old.
Get to Know Inner Wisdom
When we listen to the inner voice inside us that speaks the truth, we are invited ā or compelled ā to step out into the unknown, to take a risk, to try something new. The wisdom that comes through us is about growth and possibility, rather than survival. It isn’t concerned with safety or protection. It doesn’t understand the language of limits. It is endlessly creative because it has no interest in the mind structures that clamp down our thinking.
Fear of risk? Self-doubt? The need to feel in control? These have no meaning to the boundless nature of our inner wisdom.
If you dip your toe into the waters of your true voice, be prepared to meet the experience of not knowing. Recognize that you simply don’t know. Then wait, surrender, trust. When the truth of not knowing becomes real to you, you realize that anything is possible. Ideas you never would have considered pop into your mind. Chance encounters open doors to amazing opportunities. Help and support come from everywhere.
Fear is a valid experience that is common to life as a human. If we let our inner wisdom speak, fear is bound to arise. When it does, don’t freak out. Take a breath. Be curious about what it’s like and how it affects you. Receive it in an ocean of kindness. Let all the stories from your past that keep it in place unravel.
Turn toward your experience of fear and honor it. Then turn away from the ways it holds you back. Your inner wisdom is tapping you on the shoulder right in this moment. Are you willing to listen?
Fear…inner wisdom.Ā What is your experience with navigating these paths?Ā I’d love to hear…
Christopher Foster says
What an absolutely super post Gail. And hey. It’s possible I’m the first one here…
I love every word and every thought in your post. But I want to underline your wonderful advice to work with fear rather than try to hide from it.
For a long, long time in my own life I did try to hide from fear. How I did this was simple: I was numb. The funny thing is I didn’t even think I was “numb”. I thought I was “normal” moreorless…
There were reasons no doubt. Being a kid in the Blitz probably was part of it. But I would say life conspired in its wisdom to force me into a corner where I had no choice but to come out of my shell…
Fear was (is) still present, of course. It’s deeply embedded in the whole mass consciousness. But everything changes when, as you say, I stop trying to ignore it — or fight it — and work with it.
When I am willing to let the feeling of fear simply be present, so that I really feel it, I find in the end that it is not an enemy at all. It’s a part of myself, perhaps I could say, that has been wanting to come home for a long time.
Thanks Gail for your great contribution.
.-= Christopher FosterĀ“s last blog ..How Robin Easton found freedom in the Australian Rainforest =-.
Gail Brenner says
I appreciate your sharing your journey with fear, Chris. It’s very helpful for everyone to hear.
My fear was mostly unconscious – it showed up as a spinning, doubting mind – until it was pointed out to me and I saw it was driving everything.
I love what you say about fear being a part of ourselves that has been wanting to come home for a long time. Unexamined fear seems to be split off from the whole that we are. When we give it attention, we realize the fullness of ourselves even more deeply.
Lance says
Gail,
I had a recent opportunity that very much touched upon fear – and that fear was one of “what will others think”. Right before this, I found myself tensing up a bit…knowing this moment was about here…and I would be very much speaking from deep within my heart (perhaps some fear of feeling vulnerable too). And in that moment – just shortly before it all – I stepped away to a quiet place – and took a moment to just breathe. And then…to look upward…to a Higher Being…and let that spirit wash over me. And in all of that, I felt an extra sense of calm.
…and in that…I felt an extra sense of peace (even amidst some lingering fears).
In the end: it all went wonderfully…and the fears I’d conjured up in my head…none of them came to be…
(hmm…and why…do I sometimes do this to myself???)
Perhaps it takes me a while to catch on!!!
.-= LanceĀ“s last blog ..Arghh! I Screwed Up! =-.
Gail Brenner says
It sounds like you are catching on just fine, Lance!
I love hearing how people work their way through the difficult places. When we put just a little effort and awareness into it, the answers are right here.
You said you felt a sense of peace, even amidst some lingering fears. No problem here. The goal is not to get rid of the fears, but to welcome everything in, lovingly, then proceed forward with a wise and open heart. As you were able to do so beautifully.
Thank you so much for sharing this experience.
Robin Easton says
Oh dearest Gail, I teared up reading this. I am someone who—since my life in the rainforest—has lived with very little fear, and much unbound enthusiasm and spontaneity. However, since putting my book out, I feel I am on a new journey and have once again stepped off a cliff, out of my comfort zone. I’ve done this so many times in my life, and each time is different. Yet, like all the other times, this one is another pivotal moment in my growth. It can be very overwhelming at times, and yet I would not trade it for anything. I hunger on my deepest level to become all that I am.
I have learned from experience that in being wide open, yes, I do feel all the pain and suffering in the world. However, I also feel such magnificent joy, love, passion, and beauty beyond my wildest dreams. I wouldn’t trade that for anything. I love freely, give freely, and embrace the whole ecstatic experience of Life without reservation. I want to know Life intimately and firsthand.
I have always been very private and not very exposed to the world. I also have always been a HSP (highly sensitive person) and doing a public book makes one very exposed to all kinds of input, both positive and seemingly negative. It can at times make you want to run for the hills. š Your list here really made me think. My fear really has nothing to do with my book, just as my fear in the jungle had little to do with the potentially deadly creatures. It has always been fear of the unknown and the ensuing āwhat ifsā.
Your list here is so accurate and fantastic. Today it hit me as I move into the world, exposed to the various views of humanity, and sometimes fearing that, I didn’t let fear hold me back, and limit my life experience. I am willing to move full into the world and Life with all of its good and bad, joy and pain, and suffering and beauty. I am willing to let it overwhelm me, confuse me, inspire me, shock me, restore me, lift me beyond anything I’ve previously known.
In seeing this I felt touched that I still have the courage to move toward that which I fear. I had not seen that before. That alone made me more compassionate and loving toward myself. In that compassion I felt intense love for the world. And even more amazing, I thought of you when I felt that. Then I came here and found this post.
Thank you for letting me explore this here, in a safe and compassionate place. Sorry it is long.
How incredible you are.
So much love,
Robin
PS Also, a friend just showed me what you left on Amazon. I am deeply moved.
Gail Brenner says
Dear Robin,
Every time I read your comments I feel like I am ecstatically and willingly drowning in an ocean of Love. Let me breathe it in to every cell as “I” dissolve into Life.
I love this point you make: “My fear really has nothing to do with my book, just as my fear in the jungle had little to do with the potentially deadly creatures.” Fear has nothing to do with life – except to have it engulfed in source so it can return to its rightful place. Eventually, the experience of fear invokes only compassion, which makes the heart open even wider. It can be a blip on the screen, a remnant of something old and dead that does not disturb life happening in the moment.
It is so true that opening to everything includes magnificence, joy, passion, and beauty. These are always available when we open our awareness to the whole truth. This is one of your special gifts (among many), Robin. You inspire us all to realize that we are so much more than fear, self-doubt, limitation. We are life itself and the realization of this knows no end. I received this message loud and clear from your book, Naked in Eden (available here).
There is no limit to the possibility of standing on the precipice. Life presents us with this potential, and you so willingly jump – every time. Thank you for jumping, for your courage, thank you for going into the rainforest and emerging as the being that you are, and thank you for sharing your knowledge.
Huge love to you,
Gail
Lauren says
Dear Gail,
A wonderful post. I feel it’s so important to be aware of fear and embrace it, then transform it.
I believe the greatest fear is the fear of “death”. I have a remarkable tape series called The Mystery of Healing”. When I experience fear, I lie down and listen to a meditation and my fear melts into joy, love, and peace.
So glad I found your site and look forward to coming back and dipping into your wisdom over and over.
Warm regards,
Lauren
.-= LaurenĀ“s last blog ..Breaking Up Is Hard To Do ā How To Avoid Temporary Insanity =-.
Gail Brenner says
And I’m so glad to have you as a reader here, Lauren!
I agree – the greatest fear is the fear of “death.” We can trace any fear to its source and we will find the fear of not existing, of nothing. Meeting that fear is the ultimate in realizing freedom. We can investigate – who am I? Am I this body? Does anything exist when I let go of the idea of the body? Encountering the fear of not existing helps us to see what remains – awareness, fullness, love, no separation. Just like you realize when you listen to the tape.
We don’t have to be held back by fear. As you have discovered, when we are willing to embrace it, miracles happen.
I’m happy to be on this path with you.
Robin Easton says
Dearest Gail and Lauren,
I was just going to come back here and tell you, Gail, about Lauren because it hit me just a bit ago (when I saw a comment of Lauren’s) that you two might not know of each other. And you are such sisters of the heart. You both have the ability to love freely and abundantly.
I am so glad that you have connected.
I love you both dearly,
Robin
Thank you for all you give me. It is grace in my life.
Marie Miller says
Hello Gail,
I wonder if you could say a few more words about when and how to actually listen to and heed the messages of a particular fear, how to work with the wisdom behind a fear and when instead it is best not to let a fear constrain you.
As you say, fear has been designed to protect us and there seems to be some grains of truth in many fears. It doesn’t seem that simply stepping through the “wall of fire” and not working with some of the warning messages of fear works either.
When do I throw caution to the wind and go for it and trust it will work out vs. modulating my action based on the concerns of a fear?
Marie
Gail Brenner says
Hi Marie,
Welcome, and thank you for your provocative question. I’m sure you are not the only one wondering when to factor fear in before acting. This sounds like a great topic for a post, using your question as a springboard. So stay tuned.
For now, let me say that there is no rule. Allow everything in – fear, fear-based thoughts, other motivations and messages, and see what feels right. Lean into all of it and see what opens up. This is a trustworthy process, so play with it, experiment, and see what you discover.
Sending love…
Gail
Merrie says
WOW, this post excites and inspires me! There was a period in my life when I would instantaneously catch myself reacting, identify the fear and easily release it. It was simple. I perceived fear as just an ego projection ā¦one of not getting something I wanted (or thought I needed) OR loosing something I had (or thought I had), whether tangible or conceptual. How I miss that ability to do so with ease!
It is said that we all have a breaking point and after a year of experiencing two long held dreams, I broke ā¦mentally, physically and spiritually. A variety of accumulative, highly stressful events over a 9-month period took me into a darkness I never imagined possible. Everything I had learned, techniques I depended on, practiced, used and trusted, no longer worked. I was drowning in fear. But, then I lost hope and eventually began to fearing it, as to hope was no longer safe. During my darkest two years, I experienced the state of insanity that yearns to die, perceiving death as the only way out of my pain. The one, and only, thing kept me hanging on by a thread was owning the devastating effect that taking my life could have on my sonās and in shaping the rest of their lives.
Aside from the challenge of disabling anxiety at times, I am no longer in darkness and so very grateful I didnāt act on that permanent solution to a temporary problem, as they say. In the unique way life works, this journey has provided me with a wealth of experiences allowing me to better understand myself and others in a way I was unable prior to my breakdown. Another odd and ironic blessing I was given was the strength and understanding to face one of the worst nightmares a parent may fear ā¦the tragic and devastating loss of my eldest son to suicide. Unfortunately, the subtle clues were not apparent until after the fact, in hindsight, and those who knew of his threats of suicide chose not to share this crucial knowledge. This physical journey we call life has a way of showing us, both how strong and how fragile we all are.
Thanks to the work of many who share so freely and lovingly of their knowledge on-line and those that openly share their experiences, I am learning/practicing not to fight āwhat isā or waste energy on the āwhat ifs.ā And you Gail, your posts and your readerās comments, are among those that keep the light shining on a path out of pain and fear. With deep gratitude, Gail, and appreciation for your gentle, loving way! Merrie
Gail Brenner says
Dear Merrie (and everyone else reading this),
You are welcome here exactly as you are. Hard times happen, devastating events, like what you describe here, visit us from nowhere. I am so sorry for your loss, and so grateful that you have been willing to share your story. That darkest place descends like an avalanche. It may seem like it is the totality of reality, but Merrie, you must have seen slight glimpses along the way of something else that kept you alive. And I suspect that your previous experience with being able to release fear so easily was helpful to you, even if it didn’t seem like it at the time.
You call what happened to your son an “odd and ironic blessing.” How amazing and wondrous that the worst things possible turn out to serve in some way. And the gifts you have received – learning/practicing not to fight āwhat isā or waste energy on the āwhat ifsā – so helpful to hear. Thank you.
Truly, reading your story and insights goes straight to my heart – we meet in love – always here to support one another along the path to freedom, always inspired by hearing what is possible.
Big love to you, Merrie,
Gail
Robin Easton says
Dearest Gail and Merrie,
@MERRIE – I am moved so profoundly by your heartfelt sharing. I just applaud you for your beautiful, open, and genuine heart. You are a deeply brave woman, a truly beautiful soul. Thank you. Robin
@GAIL – And dear Gail, I am sooooo touched by these words:
“Dear Merrie (and everyone else reading this), You are welcome here exactly as you are. Hard times happen, devastating events, like what you describe here, visit us from nowhere.”
I love you for not judging anyone. I love you for embracing me, Merrie and so many others. It is your great strength, and it alone gives rise to spontaneous healing. Often all we really need is to be ourselves in a safe non-judgmental space, a space that lets us explore and be who we are. THAT is what Nature gave me; it is why she healed me. She doesn’t judge, and is vastly compassionate and loving.
I am hugging you so much today.
Love,
Robin
Gail Brenner says
Dearest Robin,
No distance, no difference. We communicate in words, but they barely express the experience of the heart. I read this comment from you, and I melt, literally…dissolving into love deeper and deeper. Thank you, Robin. You have taught me so much about the healing possibility of nature. Thank you for your willingness to share and for being the blessed, expressive soul that you are.
Love,
Gail
Armen Shirvanian says
Hi Gail.
I agree that wisdom can conquer, negate, or crush fear. Sometimes we learn something, which then causes us to look at our fear as something smaller, and so it impacts us less. Another way is that we find out that our fear was based on faulty information.
Maybe an alteration of the title could be “higher wisdom conquers higher fears”, as the level of wisdom we reach allows us conquer lower level fears and take on bigger issues.
I thought about that “#1 deterrent” description of fear, and it does seem about right, because any of my faults lead back to a fear related to others or self.
.-= Armen ShirvanianĀ“s last blog ..Donāt Let Yourself Get Strong Armed =-.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Armen,
It sounds like you have been studying fear – finding it is smaller than what you thought and based on faulty information. With this level of consciousness about it, I’m sure you have discovered that it has little power and your choices can come from wisdom and not fear.
And as we start paying attention to our fears, and anything else we are avoiding, the layers of the onion start peeling, and whatever else is left to be seen is revealed.
There is no substitute for the willingness to be aware.
Wishing you a beautiful Sunday,
Gail
Merrie says
Dear Gail and Robin, Thank you for responses and kind heartfelt words. As Iāve shared with Gail, by posting publicly, Iām walking through one of my fears. Gailās gentle, loving, accepting, and compassionate way radiates throughout her posts, which opened the door for me to risk being vulnerable at this public level. Iām so aware of, and apologize for, my digression and wordiness. I so admire those who can keep their sharing brief without loosing the heart of their message.
Gail, your wrote, āYou call what happened to your son an āodd and ironic blessing.ā I think you may have misread what I was referring to OR maybe you meant to say āyouā rather than āyour son.ā This blessing I spoke of was a āresultā of my breakdown (years prior to my sonās death), which āironicallyā prepared me to face his unforeseen suicide in two ways. One ā¦I knew I HAD to be present with, allow and feel all the feelings arising and watch for and release any assumptions and distorted stories OR risk slipping back into that darkness. And two ā¦my personal experience of the suicidal āmind stateā gave me an understanding, which was only intellectual prior to my breakdown. This has provided a depth of compassion so great that when any anger arises over my sonās tragic choice, the foundation of that anger quickly weakens and crumbles.
Although what happened to him was not a blessing, it did serve a purpose and there were many blessings and gifts that followed ā¦his daughter, my first grandchild, was born 6-months after he transitioned; Iām now raising his cat, Mew, who brings comfort and laughter to my life; his friends are now better informed now about suicide and aware of the warning signs; communication between family members has been re-established; and many meaningful lessons have been learned and continue to be revealed.
Gail, Iām slowly reading through your past posts, which are such a wonderful and helpful resource ā¦they always speak to and inspire me. Thank you for your valuable website, sharing your wisdom, your experiences, and your gentle, loving way ā¦you continue to touch and opened my heart a little more with each post, as Iām sure you do with many others. With love and gratitude, Merrie
Gail Brenner says
Dear Merrie,
I did misunderstand what you wrote, and I am so sorry. I am very glad you wrote to clarify what you meant.
You are always welcome here, as you are, long comments or short. Sometimes it takes a lot of words to express ourselves. No problem there, and what you write is so insightful. It’s a joy to read and hear about your experiences. And I’m obviously not the only one who feels that way.
I love that you have been so present in your life with the most difficult feelings and that you see the gifts of your beautiful grandchild, Mew, healing in your family, and others. What an amazing testament to the power of presence and open-heartedness.
Going public with our deepest feelings is a huge step, and a valuable one. There’s a sense of letting go of holding on so tight to the personal story when we see that others resonate or benefit. All of our experiences are unique and universal. When we begin to realize the value of not taking everything so personally, we can step into the universal understanding and find space and support there.
Lots of love to you, Merrie. I look forward to our continued relationship.
Gail
Jenn Zuniga says
Gail, it is so wonderful to be here. I felt nudged here tonight and I usually listen to the inner nudging most times š
This is totally what I needed. I have a bit of paranoi right now — much like what Lance shared here actually.. and I am also an HSP like Robin so I tend to pick up on things ahead of time (good and bad) because sometimes this allows me to experience depth and intuitive beauty and other times it scares me because I imagine that I did something or said something wrong if I catch vibes from those close to me. My biggest fear that comes back at me when I feel vulnerable is “what do others really think about me?” and “did I do something wrong?” … as if I could commit the unforgivable thing without knowing it! Oh well, silly thoughts that are very cyclic. (until the plug is pulled out for the expansive reality to be present again.)
I love what you shared here..
a great reminder!
*fear wants us to stay on familiar ground, even if the life situation or thought pattern we play out isnāt serving us.
–this is definitely where I am at lately,.. really touching upon the realm of soul harvest.
wow – this is so deep!
*Turn toward your experience of fear and honor it. Then turn away from the ways it holds you back.
–this makes my head spin and my spirit smile. lol š It sounds like such an odd way of putting it but it is truly inner wisdom breaking the barrier that fear hurts. Thank you for this very relevant and helpful post Gail!
hugs, Jenn
.-= Jenn ZunigaĀ“s last blog ..O America- I hear you calling =-.
Gail Brenner says
Welcome, Jenn! It is wonderful to have you here. I’m so glad you followed your inner nudging so we could meet.
I understand being highly sensitive. Everything is experienced strongly, without much of a barrier. If these strong experiences get the mind spinning, yes! an opportunity to see the story and meet the fear directly. And in that meeting, “the plug is pulled out for the expansive reality to be present again.” And if that is the case over and over, another yes! We get to return home every time.
When we are in touch with what we really want, the patterns we enact that don’t serve us don’t hold much attraction. In any moment, we can ask, “What do I really want?” and then walk the path our hearts are aching for.
Happy to be walking with you, Jenn. Much love…
Donna Willingham says
Hi Gail, what a brilliantly helpful blog ā thanks for your incredible insight, itās given me lots of pointers to keep my life in a positive place. I also feel I should share with you an amazing course I did that got my life back on track. Iād been lacking in confidence and dealing with negativity around areas of my life, but the strategies that Sarah Merron of Fire Dragon Coaching teaches really helped me focus on getting the best out of myself and others around me. She runs courses in Cairo and the Maldives, so itās a fantastic way to see the world at the same time. Hereās the link if you should ever head that way, I found it had a very powerful effect on my life: http://www.nlp.firedragoncoaching.com/destination-egypt.html
Gail Brenner says
Hi Donna,
A warm welcome to you. So glad you stopped by and took the time to share what has been helpful for you. I love that we find just the right teachers for us.
Sending love,
Gail
Ranvirsingh says
Was just wondering.. whether possessiveness could be an emotional outcome of fear of loss..
please share some insight on the same..
Also.. I think that fear is interwoven with the surroundings, the up-bringing, the small belief system and the past history & circumstances of a person.. so perhaps there could be general tools which could be made available so that any person can use them anywhere to transcend his/her perceived fears…
please share your views on the same..
I am yet to come across “tools” to tackle fear.. these could be questions which can be asked to yourself or any playful activity .. but there can be such tools..
please share your views..
Gail Brenner says
Welcome to you, Ranvirsingh! So glad you stopped by.
I do think that an underlying fear of loss could make someone possessive. It could also make them passive – being willing to not express themselves for fear of the loss. The healing is in directly experiencing the fear and other feelings and not continuing to let the pattern play out.
I agree also with your ideas about fear. I have talked a lot about fear in other articles, always with suggestions for tools, inquiry, and exploration. You might want to check out:
Did you ever think that fear could improve your life?
How to discover great value in hard things
Getting unstuck by facing everything
How and why to make fear your friend
And here is a guided audio meditation about befriending fear.
Fear is a very important topic. Thanks so much for asking about it.