“You cannot teach a man anything, you can only help him find it within himself.”
~Galileo Galilei
Do you know someone who shines? Whenever you see them, they exude an inner glow and seem to be effortlessly happy. They are grounded and clear. Maybe that someone is you?
We can’t help but be our essential selves – it is who we are. But sometimes our light gets dimmed. We fall asleep in our lives as well-worn habits take over, and we live in a half-alive fog that makes us wonder, “Is this all there is?”
There is no magic to clearing away the fog. It is not a mysterious process or a set of teachings designed only for the chosen few.
It is possible for you to be happy and peaceful. You can be content and fulfilled. You can express your unique creative self in the world. And you can approach each moment of your life with an open, loving heart.
You know those people whose lights shine brightly? Whether they realize it or not, they consistently make smart choices. You can illuminate your essence – it is more within your reach than you may ever know. Incorporate these choices in your life, and you just might notice ease, clarity, lightness, and undeniable happiness that spreads everywhere.
1. Be grateful
People who are connected with their essence live in gratitude. They don’t believe they deserve what they have, so they are free to appreciate everything that is offered to them.
If you want to be more grateful, investigate your attachments so you aren’t ruled by lack and desire. Notice how life is so generous – giving us exactly what we need. Don’t take one single thing for granted, and before you know it, gratitude will flow from you like honey.
2. Learn to pause
When you feel a reaction brewing, when you have been triggered, as soon as you become aware of it, stop. Press pause. Wake up to your experience in the moment, then move forward with your eyes open.
3. Befriend the unknown
See clearly that each moment is birthed from the source so we can’t know what is going to happen. Sure, we create expectations, and this is natural. But in truth, things simply unfold in ways that are out of our control.
A year ago, a lovely friend lost her husband to pneumonia. She told me that his sickness lasted only a month. “I thought I would have him for 10 more years,” she lamented.
Let yourself befriend the unknown so you are more aligned with the truth of how things are. Face your fears of not having control, and live happily in the moment. Remember the ones who shine? They constantly surrender their ideas of what their lives should look like and receive things as they come.
4. Take responsibility for yourself
Blaming others, feeling like a victim, or walking around with your head in the clouds only perpetuates your suffering. Instead, look inward, as the only way to discover true happiness is to recognize how you get in your own way.
A commenter on a recent post got this message and is benefiting from her insight. She writes, “Reading your blog has made me realize that I am stuck in some pattern here. This is not about him, this is about me.”
Just those words open the doorway to peace. Bite the bullet, be honest with yourself, and you will clear the way for your light to shine.
5. Learn and practice self-compassion
There are many aspects to being kind to yourself. You can slow down, spend time in silence, and do things you enjoy. But at the deepest level, self-compassion means receiving every feeling, physical sensation, and thought pattern without needing it to change or disappear.
We do violence to ourselves when we reject what naturally arises. And we do this often by behaving compulsively, filling our schedules, and spinning in our busy minds. If you want your essence to shine (and who doesn’t?), stop, bring your attention inward, and lovingly let things be as they are. This is the highest form of self-compassion I know.
6. March to your own drummer
People who are connected with their essence are not concerned about what others think of them. They do not seek approval. They become experts at listening to their inner wisdom and letting themselves be guided from within.
Holding yourself hostage to the opinions of others is guaranteed to suppress your light. Fully meet your fears of being rejected, abandoned, or disliked. Then make the smart choice to stay on your unique path.
7. Focus on what is good, positive, and functional
When we are driven by fear and need, it is easy to get lost in worrisome and negative thoughts and forget about what is working. Believe me, I know. I am a master at this way of living, as it was so ingrained in me to be pessimistic.
But if you step out of that pattern, you will see the good in others and yourself. You will notice what is working rather than focusing only on problems. You will see that you don’t have to apply a negative view to people and situations.
Approach the moments of your life with optimism and possibility. You will turn up the dial on your inner light.
8. Consciously recognize when you feel joy, delight, and pleasure
Evidence of our inner essence is abundant, if we notice.
Our hearts are moved by the sweetness of a child. We have a moment of connection as the barista hands us our coffee. We feel at peace in nature. We know the abandon of laughing until tears roll or being so dissolved into an activity that time seems to stop. Our hearts break when we see others suffering. We feel so much love for friends, family, or pets.
In these moments, the fog has parted, and our essence shines. Notice these occurrences – not the story of what is going on, but the state of your inner experience. Feel it deeply. Your essence may be illuminated more than you think.
9. Be silent
Meditate. Stop talking and ruminating. Refrain from filling up every moment of your life. Give your essence the space it needs to shine.
10. Forgive
Nothing dims your light more than holding a grudge. If you live in resentment for things that have happened in the past, figure out how to let them go. Our inner light shines brightly when our attention is absorbed in the now. Do the work so you can release yourself from the past, and you will naturally glow.
11. Question your beliefs
Beliefs can make us feel separate from others and the world. They are like a house with many walls, creating division and alienation. Consider that the beliefs you hold may not be serving you, and may not even be true. See what happens as they fall away and you open yourself completely to things just as they are.
12. Know that everything arises from one source
When you look in the eyes of a seeming “other,” you are seeing yourself – the same source from which you emerge. It looks like the world consists of separate people and objects, but when you investigate to their essence, there is only one – purity, awareness, love.
This understanding softens our way of being in the world. You can’t help but tread lightly and lead with your heart. Do you want to illuminate your essence? Know that you are reflected everywhere.
What needs to happen for your light to shine even brighter? I’d love to hear…
Max Bronson says
Hi Gail,
Silence along with deep breathing is excellent for brightening me up, while removing all anxiety.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Max,
It’s so simple, isn’t it? Silence and deep breathing, and we return home.
All the best to you…
Micheal Cooper says
Hi Gail, Just wanted to say Thank You for such a wonderful site. I am on my own journey, and have been told I am a source of positive light for many. Your blog and information help ‘re-energize my shine’, if you will. Thank you for your gift. I have referred many to your site for their own inspiration.
Gail Brenner says
A warm welcome to you, Micheal. I appreciate that you are enjoying A Flourishing Life and referring it to others. When we begin to find our own way to happiness, it’s impossible to keep it bundled up inside, as you have discovered. It’s so beautiful to learn of the possibility to be free.
Gordon Simmons says
Gail, this is really great advice, and I think sometimes the simplicity of the wisdom belies its effectiveness.
The things you write about are simple, but they are not always easy even though they are incredibly effective when applied diligently.
This post could be turned into a workbook for self-improvement!
Great job!
Gail Brenner says
Welcome to you, Gordon. So glad that you stopped by!
I appreciate what you say about applying what we know to our lives. Freedom and happiness come in the moment, and in every moment they are possible. I talk about this with my therapy clients all the time. It’s not about solving big problems so they never occur again. Things change when we stay conscious to the moments of our lives.
Habits run deep, and unconsciousness is one of them. It takes our diligence, willingness, and true longing to be free.
Thanks for bringing up this essential point.
OccasionallySerene says
Beautiful Gail. I recently put the focus on “life is living me.” I find I am more at peace with that mindset and able to deal more effectively with whatever presents itself.
Gail Brenner says
I love that mindset, OS, that life is living you!
This is just right. It takes away all the angst about our personal selves – needing to fix and control, wondering what we should do. When we surrender all of that into life itself, well, that is where all the glory is. This comment is lighting me up! Thanks so much.
Amanda says
Gail – another wonderful post! You hit the nail on the head, each one of these speaks to me and represents every bit of inspiration I’ve been trying to apply to my life over the past year. Now if I can only remember to live by each everyday!
Gail Brenner says
So glad you connected with this post, Amanda!
Yes, first we know about the possibility, then we begin to wake up in our own lives and let go of habits that aren’t serving. So many things can support this process – reading books and blogs, having like-minded friends, spending time in silence and reflection – then incorporating these as the moments appear.
Eventually, the light bulb goes off and things become easier.
Omina says
Gail…
I am the same person with the comment referenced in Choice #4. In that comment, I had asked the question – how do I break this pattern in which I am stuck. This post seems like a response to that. I already practice a few of these but now have more choices to incorporate into how I live my life. Just reading them I feel a sense of peace and awe within me. Among the thing things that I am grateful for you is you and this blog. It is certainly allowing me to “find myself within myself…”
Gail Brenner says
I love seeing how your path is unfolding, Omina.
There is so much support everywhere. Sending love…
Susie says
Gail.
I really enjoy your blog as well as the softness and clarity of your words in the posts.
Bringing compassion to myself and staying “right here” are two cloud-breakers for me. The self-compassion piece is huge as it allows me to investigate areas of my daily life (relationships, business) without fear, scarcity, and grasping. (We have a joke at our house that when I look at a situation I only have 1 drop of water in my glass. Of course, my partner has a flood :^). Bringing this kindness to myself complements the other parts of me.
Blessings to you for this gentleness.
Susie
Gail Brenner says
Thank you so much for your kind words, Susie. I appreciate that you are a part of the community here.
I love that phrase: “cloud-breakers.” Sometimes the dark cloud is stuck right over our heads. We are lost and identified and playing out a habit of some kind. Letting our attention fall right into the present can immediately dispel all of that as well as deep acceptance, which is self-compassion.
Also, joking about these potentially serious matters can be transformative. When we can joke with our partners about our, and their, belief systems or habitual ways of being, we are all the better for it.
Great reminders for all of us. May your glass be overflowing…
Sibyl - alternaview says
Really great post and advice Gail. I particularly appreciated your advice to take responsibility and accountability for yourself. So often we are trying to change and improve those people around us, but our only job is to focus on ourselves and take responsibility for the ways we respond and behave. Really great advice.
Gail Brenner says
It all starts by taking responsibility for ourselves, doesn’t it, Sibyl? The opposite is to live in blame and victimhood. Everything around us is a reflection of ourselves. If there is trouble, we need to look within, which you write so beautifully about on your blog.
Thanks so much for stopping by.
Justin says
Being o.k. with who you are is at the essence of self-esteem. Whenever I go to a gathering I always try to search out the people who shine and not just the ones who are faking it.
Gail Brenner says
Welcome to you, Justin.
I love this comment. It’s so obvious when someone is shining. They are attractive, the one you want to be around. When we are around the shining ones, it reflects our own essential wholeness.
Thanks so much for stopping by and taking the time to comment.
Galen Pearl says
Once again, you have addressed habits in a way that inspires and instructs. (I have an earlier post you wrote about habits printed and in my file!) I especially liked #8. We can have a great day and overlook all the goodness in favor of focusing on that one thing that didn’t go right. Great post. Thanks!
Gail Brenner says
Great to see you, Galen! I love your spirit that comes through so clearly in your words.
There are all kinds of negative things we can focus on, if we choose to. But where does that get us? I prefer to notice the joy and pleasure any day. And when we live in that preference, not only do we light ourselves up, but everyone else will notice as well.
Duc Cuong says
Big thank to you, Gail! Practically it’s always easier said than done but your site does the trick in an excellent way. I just love reading it.
Gail Brenner says
Welcome to you, Duc. Thank you so much for coming by and leaving a comment.
Love to you…
Sandra / Always Well Within says
Gail,
You are such a unique blogger. I deeply appreciate the wisdom you bring forth in your articles. Every single one of these 12 smart choices has depth and profundity.
As you well know, the idea of learning to pause when a reaction arises is near and dear to my heart at the moment! The willingness to be with whatever arises in one’s mind and one’s life is the only way to find true freedom. It’s rare to find people who recognize this truth. I celebrate your clarity and appreciate your kindness.
Gail Brenner says
I’m letting these beautiful words sink in, Sandra. I’m so happy to know a kindred spirit – it takes one to know one!
Much love to you…