“Every moment of one’s existence one is growing into more or retreating into less.”
~Norman Mailer
Are you human? Then you are familiar with fear. But what you absolutely need to know is that you have a choice over how fear affects you.
You can listen to the voice of fear, letting opportunities pass you by. You can live an “if only” life that is small and safe. You can pretend you aren’t magnificent, creative, and capable.
Or you can thrive, with your light shining in all directions. The choice is yours.
The Courageous Choice
And it is a courageous choice that is asking to be made. Because fear can be powerful. It convinces you that you are unworthy and paralyzes you from moving forward. Yet it feels like an old, familiar friend – one who has overstayed her welcome and needs to go.
Are you ready to tell yourself the truth about fear? Are you prepared to take the sacred step to let the essence of your being be expressed in the world? (We’re all waiting for you.)
Then take on board this two-step guide. Open up to receive its guidance, and find within yourself the courage to roar.
Step 1: Get to Know All the Faces of Fear
“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.”
~Joseph Campbell
Fear can be a wily character. You might be shaking in your boots. But just as likely, you will find yourself procrastinating, rationalizing, getting distracted, or losing yourself in judgmental and limiting thoughts.
I recently revealed to a friend a story that runs through my mind that keeps me from finishing projects I am passionate about. Rather than empathize with me, she said, “You’re comparing. It’s a sign that you need to return to your center.” She didn’t give the story itself a second thought – and she was right. I had momentarily lost my way – in fear.
Any mind activity that interferes with your brilliant self-expression is, at its source, fear. If it reeks of “No,” makes you doubt yourself, or persuades you to stop what you’re doing, it deserves investigation.
Approach it with tough love. Be kind, not harsh, but commit to seeing the truth about these thoughts. When it comes to fear, you can be sure that the mind will not support you. No fear-based thoughts are true.
Get to know intimately how fear arises in your experience. The subtle tightness in your chest, the mental fog that keeps you from carrying out your passions, the spinning mind that concludes, “I can’t.”
See procrastination, excuses, and getting lost in busyness as gifts handed to you on a silver platter. They are signals that fear has taken over. Recognize it. Acknowledge it. Then go on to Step 2.
Step 2: Choose Life
“Be brave enough to live life creatively. The creative is the place where no one else has ever been. You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition.”
~Alan Alda
It is impossible to be aligned with life if fear is controlling your behavior. Fear will make you choose what is safe and known. It won’t stretch you or take you out of your comfort zone.
Once you recognize that fear has taken over, you are awake! Now you have a choice. Do you let fear drive you – or do you choose life? Do you hang out in what you already know, or do you venture out into the garden of unknowing?
You will never know what is on the other side of fear until you take the leap.
And leap you will – over and over. Fear may be a constant companion, offering you the opportunity to choose life time after time after time.
In choosing life, you say, ‘Yes!” to creativity, to intelligence, to the inner whisper of truth, to passion and wonder and delight. Who knows where it will take you? You can’t even begin to imagine. Nourish the glowing ember of You, and enjoy yourself endlessly.
Any comments, questions, or reports about fear? I’d love to hear…
noch says
thats so true, i’ve realized recently how letting go of fear actually gives me more space to be creative, whether in my ideas, hobbies or writing!
Bonnie Perry says
Appreciating this post, more and more I am noticing how fear hides out in the nooks and crannies of my conditioned belief system. I guess the conditioned belief system of much of society. Stepping through one presentation of fear clears the way to spot the next little devil underneath, so to speak. But every step you take to ‘prove’ that your inspired quality of life is not up for grabs gets easier and easier.
Bonnie
Gail Brenner says
Hi Bonnie,
It’s great to realize how fear can hang out in the nooks and crannies. When exposed to the light of day, it loses its power, as you are discovering. Wonderful to hear from you!
Cathy|Treatment Talk says
Fear holds us back, but I have found when I face my fears and find the courage to walk through them, I feel my power become front and center. Thanks for the enlightening post!
Gail Brenner says
Hi Cathy,
Yes, facing fears is everything. Then they are out of the shadows, and you can make conscious choices – that’s when our power is front and center. I’m happy for your realizations!
David says
Hi Gail.
Yes “fear” can be a sneaky devil, often subtle in it’s ways…….I’m working on drawing him out of his cave.
be good to yourself
David
Gail Brenner says
Wishing you well on your path, David. Take good care.
Tess The Bold Life says
Hi Gail,
Thanks for the comment on my blog. It’s exactly what I needed to hear! I’m just finishing my ecourse on fear. It’s off to the editor tomorrow. I’m sure your conference call will be great!
Gail Brenner says
Hi Tess,
I’m happy to hear you have created an ecourse on fear and I wish you much success with it. It’s a topic we need to keep talking about. Thanks so much for stopping by – always great to connect.
Meghan says
Thank you, Gale, for yet another amazing post. I have bookmarked this particular one to read over and over again. I have been in a “safe” job for years–safe, but unfulfilling and boring. I decided to step out of my familiar comfort zone and apply to nursing school, to which I’ve been accepted and am preparing to begin shortly. For years, fear held me back from pursuing this dream of mind–fear of failure, fear of making a mistake, fear of discomfort–and finally I had enough. I know I’m going to face many new challenges and discomfort will be triggered, but I have finally come to believe that, as you say in this post, what I seek cannot be found without facing my fears and going through them. I look forward to conquering my fears and growing as a person, as well as gaining a rich and rewarding career. Thanks for your inspiring posts, Gail!
Gail Brenner says
Oh, Meghan. Yay! I am so happy for you that you are following your heart and stepping into the career that you have been wanting. When we act in this aligned way, everyone benefits. I am imagining being cared for by a nurse who just loves what she is doing. How could it not benefit me, too?
You mention that you might be uncomfortable at times. Yes, that is to be expected when you move out of the comfort zone. But that is not a reason to stop or delay. Love your discomfort, then keep moving in the direction that is true for you.
I wish you a long and fruitful career. Your light is shining!
Adam says
Hi Gail:
Thanks for the post.
I run into this post after I listened to your interview given to the FullPotential site.
There are good reasons for fear to exist. It’s there for our protection. I no longer see fear as an enemy but more of a friend. Fight or flight are both driven by fear in front of danger for example.
I tried to overcome my fear and went to extremes in doing exactly the things that I feared the most and of course I ended up in a lot of trouble! Now I am stuck in a rut out of fear of my absolute lack of fear! That’s what scares me the most. I gave up my fight against fear and took her as an ally. That made me gain ‘wisdom.’ The creative, genius part of me is still here – with a lid on for now – and the reins are in the hands of the mind.
Is it possible to know oneself completely? I still don’t know…
Adam.
Gail Brenner says
Welcome to you, Adam, and thanks so much for stopping by.
Truly making fear a friend is neither holding yourself back because of fear nor deliberately going to extremes to do what you fear. When fear is a friend, you simply meet the direct experience of fear as it arises in the moment. It is not expressing it or suppressing it, but just allowing it to be. In not resisting it in any way – not energizing it at all – you have a curious, open, neutral approach. Your peace is not disturbed even if fear is present. Only then are you available to respond to life as it is unfolding. And this is an experience that is outside the mind – no reins, no problem.
There is a lot on the site about fear and emotions. You may want to check out the archives.
Yes, it’s possible to know the truth of yourself completely. Put down all efforting and all belief systems – every one of them – and see what remains.
Wishing you well…
Gail Brenner says
Hi Adam,
I had another thought regarding your comment. I want to suggest that you bring great compassion to your experience. No matter what it is – being shut down or numb or fearful – accept it without any resistance and with compassion. When you stop resisting, you will discover peace. Relax into it. Simply rest there and see what is revealed.
Adam says
Thank you Gail, your thoughts are imbued with compassion – a dearly missed ingredient in our human relations today. Follow up questions: “…and see what is revealed.” What is revealed in this case is ‘not to be fully trusted’ it sounds like, hence fear! Will it be a guidance to be followed/held till it ripens or rots/put in a ‘glass’, wait for it to crystalize, and see what the final result looks like/or any combination of these? If not – I’ve tried without the see part and it drove me over the edge – what’s left to be followed? What if one tries to go beyond what gets ‘revealed’ and runs into the ‘void’, the realm of the ‘mystics’, with nothing to ‘bring back to the tribe’?
Adam.
Gail Brenner says
Thank you for your questions, Adam. See if you can keep it simple. Simply meet what is present in your own experience in the moment. Allow things to be without any story around them. There is just “this,” whatever is arising, life unfolding. It is so simple. Don’t try to go beyond anything. In fact, don’t try anything. Simply rest in your true nature that is already here. It’s the end of all efforting – and can be experienced as such a relief.
You seem to have ideas about the void and what it is like. This cannot be known with the mind, and is not known until it is. So stay open. What is meant to happen will – this can be completely trusted, as it is life. Again, don’t worry about what you will or will not be able to bring back to the tribe. This is more fear and projection into the future. Learn how your mind works, and then know that your true essence is outside the province of the mind. Peace is absolutely possible – it is the end of resistance to everything.
You are on a marvelous journey….questions are welcome.
Adam says
Thank you Gail. I am pleasantly surprised by your last reply. How long does one stay in the ‘void’ before figuring out how one’s mind work in there? How does one function at all, might be a more appropriate question. “…outside the realm of the mind.” feels more like “…out of one’s mind.” That’s what the experience feels like.
As of now I’ve learned that it is about remaining still then answering the phone – or nature – when a call comes in. Go to work when it’s eight, go to sleep when it’s midnight, eat when you feel hungry. Thus far I got it, most of the elements are external and/or biological. What does one do with the internal? Is there a way to organize it/classify it/describe it/a manual maybe? How about what some people call ‘synchronicities’ when the internal and external get mixed up? How about that place that I can only describe as the ‘waterfall’, a place where ‘tears pour without pain’ (sometimes with pain when there is grief/loss/difficulty that I believe is healing)?
Gail Brenner says
Adam,
There is no internal and external – because there is no separate self. There is an appearance of “Adam” and “Gail” and “tree,” etc. But the absolute truth is formless. So thoughts and feelings sometimes appear. No need to organize or classify them, as those are functions of the mind, and the mind is what creates the illusion of the separate self. Simply allow these experiences to be – they are just what this particular moment happens to look like. So if there is no separate self, there is nothing to do with these experiences. They just are, so be with them, welcome them, without resistance.
It is completely possible to function without the mind. The mind might kick in to figure out how to get from A to B or how to glue together a broken vase. But you don’t need the mind to classify, organize, etc. But don’t take my word for it – test it out and see. Get to know the mind – predicting, planning, remembering, organizing, judging, trying to have control over the uncontrollable. Then put all that aside (might be hard, I know), and see if functioning happens.
It sounds like the waterfall is a heart breaking open. No problem there…
William says
Fear is one of the factors that prevent me from becoming the person I dream to become. My whole life has been a struggle against fear. Understanding the feeling has definitely helped me in managing it. One thing I am sure of is I won’t let fear stop me from achieving my dreams.
Gail Brenner says
This is wonderful, William. You have discovered that the secret to dealing with fear is to understand the feeling. I love your enthusiasm!
Vicky says
I don’t usually bother to comment, but I have found this article so useful that I wanted to say thank you.
Feeling quite bogged down with life at the moment, and the word ‘fear’ hadn’t occurred to me.
I think I could be feeling fear of wanting to do my own thing rather than follow the normal structure.
Thanks for making me reflect on this
Gail Brenner says
You are so welcome, Vicky. That is such an important fear to recognize – the one that wants to keep you safe and right in the middle of your comfort zone. Maybe you can ask yourself: “How does your heart want to speak – or sing? If there were no fear, what would you be doing?”
What an exciting place to be! Right on the edge of living your truth.