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“Live your questions now, and perhaps even without knowing it, you will live along some distant day into your answers.”
~Rainer Maria Rilke
As we all know, it doesn’t take much to get stuck. Before we know it, we are barreling along on automatic, going down a road that doesn’t support our happiness and well being. Sound familiar?
Some of these tendencies we perpetuate are so strong, that we may not even know what to do to find our way out. We are lost in tunnel vision, with seemingly no choices for freeing ourselves.
A friend of mine gets caught in trying to be perfect. When he needs to make a decision, he researches the options endlessly, staying on the fence for a very long time (up to a year!).
Some of us are stuck in seeking approval and validation or avoiding life due to fear. And others might be immobilized by a grudge, an addiction, or a victim story of, “Why me?”
Why Ask Questions
Whatever is your special brand of suffering, here is the truth: There is always a way out. Not sure how to begin? Simply ask questions.
Asking questions is like a healing balm for unhappiness. And it’s easy. You don’t need to know the answer – you only need to learn to ask intelligent questions. Begin to ask questions, and you will:
- Discover useful information about what you are thinking, feeling, and doing.
- Embark on a path that offers the freedom to make appropriate choices for yourself.
- Stop the loop of unsatisfying or self-defeating patterns.
The How-To
How to do it? Simple. Take any habit at all that you recycle in your life, any way you spin your wheels, and ask yourself any of these questions. Take them slowly, one at a time, and let them sink in.
- What am I actually doing?
- Is this supporting my well being?
- Is this serving me and everyone else?
- How is this pattern bringing trouble to my life?
- What do I really want? Is this what I want?
- How can I be more aligned with what I want?
- What is my heart saying? How is it directing me?
- How can I be kind to myself?
- How can I bring ease to my life in this very moment?
It is not an exaggeration to say that asking these questions can be transformative. When you stop to inquire about what is actually going on in the moment, the raw truth is revealed. You may not like what you see, but seeing things clearly opens up the possibility to make a new, healthier, more life-supporting choice.
Say that what holds you back is self-critical thinking. Without you even realizing it, court is in session, and judge and jury are hard at work – in your mind. At some point, you will recognize what is happening. And this is the time to start asking questions.
“What am I doing?” “Is this supporting me?” “What is my heart saying?” “Can I be kind to myself?”
The Wonder of It All
Any tendency that brings you unhappiness is not aligned with your true desires. This disconnection needs to be identified, brought to the surface, and seen in the light of day – and asking questions will allow this to happen. Only then can you turn toward the peace and ease you long for.
I have to say, I’m amazed at the power of synchronicity. Just as I was completing this post, what shows up in my inbox, but a link to an article by poet David Whyte called “10 Questions That Have No Right to Go Away.” Immensely revealing.
Interested in truth, authenticity, and heart-fueled living? Start asking questions.
What do you discover when you ask yourself the essential questions? I’d love to hear…
Clare says
I will admit that my first reaction was to tamp down my cringe reflex when I realized I was being redirected to an Oprah site, as I always associate Oprah fans as fanatics and mindless followers, but I read the 10 Questions. I found about half of them essentially useful, but the list was thought-provoking.
Gail Brenner says
I appreciate that you allowed yourself to stay open, Clare, even in the midst of your cringe reflex! Isn’t that what freedom is about – to not let our automatic reactions trap us? If you had gone with the cringe, you would have missed out. Great example of of one of my main messages on this blog. Thanks!
David says
Hi Gail,
I am a great one for asking questions of myself and my clients. I write about it, speak about it. Questions open many doors, thanks for sharing,
be good to yourself
David
Gail Brenner says
I love that, David – question open many doors. Thank you for your comment.
Jay Onland says
Do you agree that if you know the truth you are not in a rut the problem lies in not accepting that truth, honoring it and taking action.
Gail Brenner says
I’m not sure I understand your question, Jay, but I’ll give it a shot. When you accept how things actually are, you are able to honor that truth and action follows. At that point, you are not stuck – you are being authentic and real with what is happening. If you perceive a problem, then there is resistance to a thought, feeling, or situation which can be investigated – always with great kindness and compassion. As you bring kindness to whatever is stuck, it begins to soften.
If I can clarify more, please let me know…
Jay Onland says
So you are stuck when you don’t take action and you know action needs to be taken? How do you bring kindness and compassion to whatever is stuck? Thanks Gail
Gail Brenner says
Hi Jay,
We are not necessarily stuck when action needs to be taken. Sometimes we just don’t know what to do, and the best thing is to wait until things become clearer. But if you know what has to be done, and you are holding back from doing it, I would call that being stuck.
If you are stuck, you are experiencing fear or resistance of some kind. First, recognize that this is what is really happening. Then bring acceptance to it – don’t fight it. Simply allow it to be present, if it is there. Then you will see that you don’t have to have that fear or resistance driving you. You can put is aside and move forward from a clearer place.