“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning.”
~Lao Tzu
Indecision…confusion…lack of clarity. If these define your current reality, then this post is for you.
A friend of mine had been living in this state for months. He was facing a major life decision, and although he longed for clarity about it, all he got was uncertainty. He tried figuring it out every which way, but nothing seemed to clear the fog.
Letting Everything Go
Then he did what needed to be done – he died to everything. He let everything go.
- His preferences for what he wanted
- His hopes for how things would turn out
- His identities – the kind of person he prided himself on being
- All attachments – to relationship, money, status, appearance, even to life itself.
- All should’s, all expectations
He opened to things being messy, crazy, and completely up for grabs. He was willing to accept the answer, no matter what it was.
From this emptiness, with everything out of the way he was able to truly listen, and undeniable clarity emerged. No longer iffy or doubtful, the answer shone like a beacon and his path opened up without question.
Clinging Is Resistance
He had been entangled in the mind-stuff, trying to determine the answer without having to face his attachments. He described the conflict as one between his head and his heart. In his head, he was busy bargaining and strategizing. There was too much mental noise, too much grasping, to hear the voice of his heart.
What it took was a willingness to drop everything. And I mean everything. To not resist any possibility, to not know anything, to be so incredibly open beyond any imagining. To be willing to say, “Yes!” to whatever appears.
Your Turn
Now, what about you…are you ready? Are you courageous enough to take off all the blinders and hear the truth? Here is how to die to everything:
- Take everything you know, everything that defines you, and throw it into the holy fire.
- Surrender anything you are holding on to – any ideas, attachments, hopes, desires, preferences.
- Open every cell of your being.
- Listen deeply with nothing in the way, no expectations at all about what you will discover.
- Be so devoid of any personal will that you are willing to embrace whatever path shows itself to you.
Gaining clarity about a decision does not mean that your confusion won’t return for a visit. In fact, expect it. The last thing fear wants is the exhilaration of freedom, so it will beckon you. Here is your job: stay grounded in the clarity that you know to be true. Surrender, die to everything, over and over and over.
Truth is fierce business, as you can see. It is not for those who want the easy way out, not for those who want to cling to what is limited and familiar.
But, oh, the fruits of surrender. Laser-like clarity…the deepest intimacy with all things…peace beyond peace…
Where are you stuck or confused? What is masking truth and clarity? I’d love to hear…
Sofia Reddy says
Gail, this was perfect timing for this insightful piece. I was literally walking into work this morning when the phrase “let it go” popped into my mind. I just checked my email and saw this post in my email which only affirms for me the importance of implementing this concept in day to day life. There are so many things in the world that are out of our control. You are right, the more we hang on the more confused we become, because we are trying to control something that is not up to us. I think this requires a lot of faith, patience, and confidence in ourselves that we can overcome any obstacles that get thrown our way. Thank you for reminding me of this important process today!
Gail Brenner says
I love this synchronicity, Sofia!
Big yes to implementing letting go in everyday life. This is where it matters. It’s not like we let go once and everything changes, although this can happen. Far more common is the need to let go over and over, right in the moment when it matters most. And yes, also, to the qualities of faith, patience, and confidence. Having this orientation to life really makes a difference, as I’m sure you know.
Bonnie Perry says
Thank you for this courageous, true life-affirming post. I can see all the little ways I still hold on in trying to appease the fear monster. But, even a thread is still a thread, and like a master seamstress, that’s all it takes for fear to build a whole garment out of it! I can see how the metaphor of standing naked truly applies. “to be so incredibly open beyond any imagining”. I have experienced the fruits of deep surrender and the stale produce of the ingrained habit of holding on tightly. “What is masking truth and clarity?” – nothing but the habit of being comfortable with the limits of phantom fear. Thank you for a voice that lights the way through the fog!
Gail Brenner says
So many beautiful metaphors in your comment, Bonnie.
The essence of what you are saying is that fear is in the way of truth, and this is what it always boils down to – fear or truth, fear or love. This is the one choice we can control. And what is so amazing is that truth and love are always options!
Clare says
I’m going to carry that quote around with me to remind me to stop “trying and trying”. I love that. It is like telling yourself to stop thinking of something and, of course, you can’t. I’m not going to say that I’m working on letting go or trying to let go anymore; I’m just letting go, period.
Gail Brenner says
I love your fire, Clare! And this is what it comes to – just do it – or “not do” it.
Trying is effort, allowing is peace. Allowing everything to be as it is, even the trying, is where peace lies. The truth of our nature just is – trying is a product of the one who thinks she is a separate person and lacks something she needs to control. See if you can relax back away from all thoughts, feelings, etc. You end up in the land of being, your true home.
Emily says
I also needed just this post today!
thank you.
Assuming the way my life should look is very dangerous indeed. I have been thinking I should do this, my life should take this look. I say to others, “we often don’t know what is best for us.” So, why is that so hard for me to say to myself?!
Gail Brenner says
Hi Emily,
What if you were to relax. Just for a moment, take a breath, don’t know anything, just be, listen. This is the beginning of the end of should’s.
Sending love…
Galen Pearl says
Reminds me of my word of the year this year…Yield. This year has been a sometimes painful, but ultimately liberating lesson in letting go.
Gail Brenner says
I love that word, Galen…yield. I looked it up, and it means to give up or surrender. Ultimately, we surrender everything, whether we want to or not – it’s the nature of life, existence. When I feel into it, it’s huge. All relationships, roles, beliefs, possessions, ideas about ourselves go, and even our bodies. Then we are invited to see what remains. That is the gift of letting go.
You probably read about Steve Jobs’ last words: oh wow, oh wow, oh wow. Maybe my fantasy, but I’m guessing he realized that the end of life on the physical plane is the release into the totality of love.
May we all lose ourselves in love.
McKella says
This reminds me of a guided mediation my doctor gave me when I was recovering from depression. It asked me to envision a hole and throw everything I owned, knew, or felt attached to into the whole. This included my ambitions. my accomplishments, even my body. What was left, that shining light, was what was truly me. That was the first step of my healing journey. Thanks for the reminder.
Gail Brenner says
Hi McKella,
Isn’t that remarkable? We fear that if we throw everything into the hole that there will be nothing left. But we don’t know the truth until we do that. Yes! Throw it all in the hole, and see what remains. As you have discovered, the shining light, your true nature. Beautiful!
David says
Thank you Gail,
This is very revealing. There is often so much we need to put behind us before we can move in the “right” direction. Are you suggesting letting go all at once or perhaps piece by piece?
be good to yourself
David
Gail Brenner says
Hi David,
All at once and little by little – both are valid and useful. Trust your inner knowing for guidance about this. But know that fear is likely to not want you to let go completely. Nod to this fear, then stay true to what is most important to you.
Love to you…
Sandra Pawula says
Gail,
This is so profound! So daring. And you mean everything! This is the opportunity we have in each and every moment isn’t it? My life has been turned upside down in the last few months and it’s made me realize there is absolutely nothing external in this world you can depend upon. That being said, it’s challenging to live that in each moment. We need this kind of encouragement to remind and encourage us. Thank you.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Sandra,
These times in our lives, like you are describing, are so valuable because they make us face the truth squarely. Yes, there is nothing in the world we can depend upon. We can hold on or die to each moment again and again…
Our minds might think that extreme letting go leaves nothing, but in reality what remains is the expansiveness of universal peace and love.
Noch Noch says
letting go, confronting the past, is the first step to future and realizing our dreams 🙂
Noch
Gail Brenner says
Hi Noch,
Yes, letting go of the past – and all attachments – offers up the possibility for clarity.
Jean says
Gail, I’ve been away for a while and glad to find your blog again. Thank you for this timely and beautiful offering.
I am not sure I know how to let go, release. It feels as though so much has vanished from my life experience (possessions, relationships, family) that I’m uncertain just how to let go into freedom.
Gail Brenner says
Welcome back, Jean!
I am guessing from your comment that there is some resistance to all the losses you have experienced. Resistance is fine, it’s simply what might be arising in a given moment. Letting go into freedom means allowing everything to be as it is. Not even resisting resistance.
You might also consider investigating the one who has experienced these losses. When you believe there is a separate entity called “Jean” who owns, has, loses, resists, etc., everything will be filtered through that. But what if there is no separate entity – just the coming and going of things, of life. There is great peace in losing the idea of the separate self. With no “one” to lose anything, the meaning of loss disintegrates.
Just some food for thought!
Joy says
Most profound and timely blog for me ‘letting go’,
Let all trials be thrown in the fire ,what comes out is pure ‘nothing’ or ‘everything’!
I am struggling at the moment of attachment to the perceived emotional pain of one of my family member.It is the choice to cling -fear based ,,not required at all..
I want to take his discomfort away,have desire to make him pain-free now and here.
And Of course I have failed miserably in spite of tons of empathy and knowledge how to!
I don’t k know if and when I will ‘free’ myself from this fear which I thought was love!
But, what I learned today is ,stop resisting even this efforts and fear , even that wish. let go.let go.Let go and let GOD .
just go with flow of own failure,falls, and see what comes out of that learning.
In essence i had chosen to close my ear to what universe was telling me that each pain for everyone is learning experience and do not rob that from them .Showing empathy means just ‘be ‘ there,and allow everything to happen.
once again Gail,beautiful blog and comments of others are also so useful.
Gail Brenner says
So beautiful, Joy. It is a revelation of peace for all when we see and let go of our attachments. I’m celebrating with you for the insights you’ve realized today. Love to you…