“From where we are there is always a path toward love. What takes discipline is continually choosing that path.”
~Jesse Pender
I have had an epiphany recently, and it was shocking. I realized how much my life has been driven by my mind.
I thought I was free. I thought I had control. But really I had been a slave to my thoughts, just like a puppet on a string.
The Source of the Problem
The signs were evident, but I hadn’t put all the pieces together. I often felt stressed and pressured. I have to do a yoga practice, I have to accept that next client, I have to keep everything in order.
Things looked pretty good on the outside, but I realized how much I had been resisting people and situations. I would think, “I want him to want what I want, not what he actually wants” or “I don’t want something to be in the way of what I want.”
Get the commonality? It was all about me – what I thought should or shouldn’t be happening.
What about a quiet walk on the beach or the space to just be? What about listening and letting life unfold? These are the things that got put on the back burner while my thoughts were leading the show.
It took a week in silence to reveal the problem. And here is what I discovered: I had been living a mind-driven life. All the troubles, the stress, the doubting, wondering, and confusion. The source of all of it was letting thoughts drive my life.
The Lovely Effects
It’s been just over a month now (why I haven’t been writing here), and the shift has been dramatic. I don’t believe or give attention to one single thought—not one. And the results are:
- No more resistance to anything that happens—ever. (It takes a belief or expectation to resist.)
- No more stress. (Stress is based on should’s, have to’s, and must’s—all thoughts.)
- No more person who thinks she must be in control. (“Gail” is seen as simply thoughts, preferences, and feelings. There is no real entity that is “me.”)
- Endless peace.
- Persistent contentment that never goes away.
This doesn’t mean that thoughts don’t appear—they absolutely do. But my desire for peace is so unwavering that I give them no attention. Like emptying the gas tank, thoughts without attention simply lose their oomph and eventually grind to a halt.
Endless Returning
I am discovering that thoughts can wriggle in almost undetected if I’m not vigilant enough. When I am the least bit off—irritable, nervous, cranky—I need to return to my conviction for peace and determine how a thought has taken hold.
The hidden treasure is always here. Somehow mind has taken charge, but the power of disconnecting attention from the thought leaves me simply aware. Not aware of anything in particular, but conscious, alive, and oh, so peaceful.
Which brings me to the core realization of the end of the mind-driven life. And here it is: Your true identity is not the separate you, the man or woman who you think you are, your needs, preferences, history, hopes, relationships.
Who you are is the space in which all of this arises. You are aware presence, conscious and alive.
My friend, Rupert Spira, offers the metaphor of a room full of furniture. Who you are is the space, not the furniture. And the space is undisturbed no matter what is in it.
Anything can appear—beliefs, expectations, strong feelings, illness, pain. You, the space, are at peace with all of it. You are infinitely non-resistant to everything, welcoming completely yet remaining untouched.
Your Turn
If you are interested in the end of your troubles, begin experimenting to make your own discoveries.
- Take a look to see how much thought controls you and your life.
- Take some time to be quiet, then see what you experience when you think thoughts and when you lose interest in them. This exercise helps you understand that you can choose peace, always.
- Notice that no matter what you think, feel, or do, you are aware. Put your attention on the awareness instead of on the thoughts and feelings.
Let life reveal itself…endlessly…without your control.
image: Yes, those are my feet 🙂
David says
Hi Gail,
Thankyou for your continued sharing. I love my thoughts however only try to select the good ones
be good to yourself
David
Gail Brenner says
Wishing you all good thoughts, David. Thanks for taking the time to comment.
Galen Pearl says
“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant.” –Einstein
Angela Artemis included this quote in her book, The Intuition Principle. I love the quote because, as a person who spent so much of her life in her mind, I am pleased to see that the mind is not an enemy, but rather a tool to be used in service. Our deeper intelligence, by whatever name you want to call it, is sacred. Your retreat sounds lovely. Like you, I’m trying to find a way to be more centered in my inner life and less scattered and distracted by my mind life.
As for what you do here, I know you don’t post frequently, but when you do, it’s worth the wait!
Gail Brenner says
Hi Galen,
What I have discovered is that no part of our experience is the enemy. From the point of view of presence, nothing is a problem. When mind creates trouble is when we believe the thoughts. Believing is the beginning of endless stories that don’t serve.
Turning away from unnecessary thoughts leaves the space for the intuitive and practical ones to be seen. They arise naturally as needed, effortlessly. They support rather than control. I have found that this is the path to becoming less scattered and distracted. And what we find is presence – shining, waiting patiently, illuminating everything.
Sending love your way….
Marie says
Addition to my survey comments …
Much of your writing turns the conventional thinking of modern western life upside down on it’s head.
Often I have the feeling, “She is really onto something big here but it is such a leap from how we’ve been trained to live in our society. I don’t have many resources / role models of how to really live the way she is suggesting.”
I need more help in getting from here to there.
I could implement your insights better if your writing bridged the path more from old conventional thinking in society to the far shore of what you are getting at.
This may mean anticipating and answering more of the readers questions like “yes, but …. ” or “sounds good but what about ….. in practicaly daily life”.
For example in your article above, you turn most of the western approach and some of modern psychology on it’s head. “Yes, but … how do I get through my day if I don’t listen to my thoughts to make decisions?” “Sounds good but what about the message from modern psychology that you should listen to your feelings, learn from the wisdom of your thoughts and feelings, and not listening and honoring your feelings causes you to suppress, split off parts of yourself, leads to health problems, etc”.
I like your radically new way of looking at things …. I just wish you included more paragraphs that went “traditionally in our society people often believe or behave “X” about this topic, when they hear my new way of thinking they typically start to wonder/worry “Y”, the answer to that or down-and-dirty-practical solution or method that helps to transition to this new approach is “Y”.
I have a big background in buddhism, hinduism and eastern thought, so I suspect I am more used to many of your approaches, however even I find it difficult to make the leap to your approach while living with conventional life in the west.
Hope this my comments serve you,
Marie
P.S. Your “website” field under “Post a Comment” above is mandatory evening though it doesn’t not have a “*”. I suspect this is not what you want.
Gail Brenner says
Yes, your comments do serve, Marie. Thanks so much.
I hear you, and your comment made me very glad I asked. Anticipating readers’ questions feels like a guessing game to me. So knowing what your questions are is very helpful. And I imagine (I’m guessing!) that you are not the only one with these questions.
Hopefully, more answers to come…
Marie says
Also, I should add that it is terrific how you respond directly to comments.
This is very special and unique, most bloggers don’t do this and I believe your readers get a lot out of this.
Gail Brenner says
Thanks so much, Marie. It’s a joy for me to respond when people take the time to comment.
Patti Foy says
This is a beautiful post. There is so much “presence” in it (not unusual here) that I can tell you are doing a pretty good job of not letting your thoughts run the show.
I’m glad I found this post today. I find myself jumping off that hampster wheel too and returning to the simple awareness you speak of. Your list just may help me not jump back on it so easily!
Thank you! I’ll be back. 😉
Gail Brenner says
Here’s to jumping off the hamster wheel, Patti! Returning to simple awareness – no problem here…
Thanks so much for stopping by.
Anja says
Hi Gail,
Thanks for this wonderful post. I always love to come to this blog when I feel that I get too identified with my mind, with every thought and emotion and whatever happens or doesn’t happen in the external world.
When I come here and read a post I always feel so uplifted and much more rooted in my spirit instead of my mind. It’s very inspiring how honestly you write about your own journey. I don’t have any specific wishes for the blog, if you ask me…just write whatever you want whenever you want 🙂 It’s always very inspiring and healing. Best wishes from the Netherlands!
Gail Brenner says
Beautiful to hear your feedback, Anja. Thank you so much.
I love how we support each other. Reading a comment like yours takes me straight to the heart.
Crys says
It’s always so good to hear from you Gail. I’ve had a similar experience recently. My husband and I recently separated. It’s something that can be scary, but I’ve decided not to latch on to any given narrative. To allow things to unfold as they will without being attached to the outcome. Pema Chodron talks about this in her book When Things Fall Apart. She calls it groudlessness. It’s peaceful to just let the thoughts that do come in move right on out again. It’s our nature to latch on to our thoughts as if they are important. They don’t have to be. We can just leave things alone. Accept everything just as it is and live with the questions. I wonder what will happen next. Life is so full of potential. I too am very peaceful and content. Thanks for sharing.
Gail Brenner says
I love that, Crys, groundlessness. Nowhere to stand, everything allowed to be or not be here, as is natural.
Living with the questions means not needing to know. You are obviously at a beautiful turning point, and you are riding it with so much grace.
Lisa Kuzak says
Hi Gail. How does one release thoughts of financial worry? I am being as proactive as I can, but the fact of the matter is that I am soon to be homeless.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Lisa, and a warm welcome to you.
I appreciate your situation and welcome your question. First, I want to say that it is appropriate to take whatever actions you need to take to ease your situation, which I assume you are doing. Then, my question back to you is: Do the thoughts of financial worry serve you? Are they helping you know what to do, or are they driven by agitation and filling up your mind-space. If they are helping, then no problem. But if not, then there is something to do.
If you are agitated, I totally understand in the situation you describe. And I understand how agitation leads to incessant thinking. My suggestion to you would be to recognize that these thoughts are probably not helping you. Really feel that truth. In fact, they may be interfering with the possibility of finding practical and creative solutions. When they arise, see them as just mind chatter, then bring your attention back to the present. This might mean focusing on your breathing, or being aware of any other sense perceptions that are actually here in the present moment. Ground yourself in presence.
One thing you can know for sure is that you are aware. Before the thoughts, worries, and agitation, you are aware. If you bring your attention to awareness, you will see that thoughts arise in it. They don’t stay around – rather, they come and go. Let your attention rest in awareness.
From this perspective of awareness in the present, there is the possibility of less worry and less agitation. Then life will flow as it will. Be very open to whatever may show up in your life that is outside your expectations. It is so easy to shut down the possibilities with worrying thoughts. But see if you can open your mind and every cell of your body to any possibility that may be the right path for you. Don’t energize the idea of homelessness by thinking about it a lot. If it happens, you will deal with it. Let the abundance of life enter your particular lifestream. Then you are full and at peace no matter what happens.
Oceans of love and support to you…
Lisa Kuzak says
Thank-you so much, Gail. I know this is what I have to do. I really feel your support, and I thank you many times over.
Lisa
Gail Brenner says
You are so welcome, Lisa. Love to you…
Sandra Pawula says
Gail,
I’m so delighted for the wonderful break you’ve had and the way you’ve put an end to your “thought driven” light! I agree fully > this is where all peace and clarity is to be found. At the same time, I resonated with a point made by another reader…how do we get from here to there. It seems as though people need a bridge.
I know that feeling of having a hamster driven life! It’s not necessarily about having a schedule though – it seems to me – but about having the thought that we must keep to it!
Gail Brenner says
Hi Sandra,
Your point is right on about the schedule not being the problem – rather our thoughts about it. If there is a problem, thoughts are involved for sure.
As for the bridge, you are one of many people asking for that. I started with my response to the reader Lisa, but there will be more. Clearly, many want to experience the joys that the end of the thought-driven life brings.
Realizing self says
I came across your website by chance. I am reading your posts from past 1.5 years or so. Initially, when I read your post, I felt whatever you are saying is too complex and beyond my understanding. But what made me come back to your post every now and then was that effortless smile I noticed in a photograph of yours in this website. I was curious to know the secret behind your smile 🙂
Your posts have shown me how I resist my thoughts and feelings. I was finding ways to escape from them to limit my sufferings. I believed that is the way out. But only after reading your posts I realized how awareness of those thoughts actually frees us.
I love reading your blogs but I haven’t implemented what you say to a larger extent. I keep getting lost in my habits. I want to change for the better and I need that bridge too. A workbook with exercises I can practice would help me.
Thank you for all the beautiful posts.
Gail Brenner says
Thank you so much for taking the time to write, RS. I love how you stuck with it, even though you weren’t understanding initially. Something in you was on fire to know the truth, to find the key to release yourself from suffering. If it was my photo, then I’m glad I posted the one that made you curious!
And now your understanding is much deeper – seeing how resisting thoughts and feelings doesn’t lead to an end to suffering. But awareness does. If you can say that you get lost in habits, then you are more aware than you realize. If you weren’t aware, you would be so stuck in your habits that you couldn’t write about your stuckness. But something in you is not consumed by your habits. It is aware presence – clear, undisturbed, completely at peace no matter what. Live here, and not in the troublesome habits, and peace will open for you like a lotus blossom. You will say, “Oh, it was here all along.”
I appreciate your suggestions – they are definitely similar to what I have heard from others. I am happy you have found support here.
Cindy Aguilera says
Hi,
My mind is always desperately trying to obectify awareness!!! It screams and kicks because I keep telling it that it cannot become and object of knowledge. I`ve had glimpses of an ineffable KNOWING and my mind is searching for those moments in memory. Any advice?
Gail Brenner says
Hi Cindy, and welcome to you.
There is no magic answer to what you are describing. Yes, the mind is desperately trying to objectify awareness, because that’s what minds do. I like the phrase “lose interest” in thoughts. Not just the ones that look for awareness, but all of them.
Don’t worry about finding awareness. If you are reading these words, it is awareness that is doing so. If you are aware of the room you are in right now and the sensations in your body, you are aware. You are already aware, and this will become more apparent.
See if you can relax and not turn this into a fight. Take a breath. Let peace pervade you. Then turn away from thoughts that appear. You don’t have to stop them, just put them down and turn away.
It’s wonderful that you’ve had glimpses of ineffable knowing. But if those aren’t alive for you now, they are memories, which are more thoughts to lose interest in. The knowing you are searching for is always here in the timeless now. It’s not about “getting back to” some other time or experience.
Simply get out of the way, and all will flow perfectly. Love to you…
Cindy Aguilera says
Aww!!! Thank you Gail!!! It`s infinitely comforting to hear the words- “Yes the mind is desperately trying to objectify awareness, because that is what minds do.” Ahhhhhhhh!!! Thank you!!! Like I mentioned I`ve had glimpses, flashes where I KNOW awareness. These come in moments when I`m truly incredibly purely totally in love in moments when I see pictures of a starving child and it evokes the indescribable tenderness(words absolutely fail at articulating this) or like when I read your post- Let Stillness Permeate Your life and you say in that in stillness you don`t have know. I remember that when I read that a few months ago, I was just bursting with love.
Thank you for taking the time to reply!!! Now I know that when the violent mental struggle to know awareness, I can say “yes” and relax!!!
Cindy Aguilera says
I don`t understand when you say that the “knowing” I am searching for is always here. It resonates, but not with absolute clarity.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Cindy,
First, let’s be clear about what we are talking about. What you are calling “ineffable knowing” I might call awareness or aware presence. If I didn’t get that right, please let me know.
So my question to you is: Are you aware? Has there ever not been awareness? You say that you recognize awareness when you see a picture of a starving child or when you read a blog post. At those moments you were bursting with love. But are you ever not aware? Maybe you are simply aware, without awareness being dependent on any outside circumstance.
I don’t think your goal is to be in a state where your heart is bursting open in every second. Because this is a state that doesn’t last. What you are looking for is what is real, stable, and always here. You are aware. It’s actually ordinary – and extraordinary at the same time. And living as awareness brings no resistance to anything, meaning total and endless peace.
Cindy Aguilera says
In The Power of Now there`s a phrase that says: “A knowing of which the mind knows nothing.” This deeply resonates and I think is what your trying to explain here. It`s a “yes” to whatever arises.
Gail Brenner says
Yes, that’s it, Cindy. Our true nature is always here – because it is who we are – alive, luminous, and not in resistance to anything. Live here, and we remain undisturbed.
Clara Boza says
Ah, “being in control.” How often has that need gotten in my way? For me, it’s usually been tied in to perfectionism, from which I’m in recovery ;-). These days, when I feel myself clenching internally — and there does seem to be a physical tightening, I’ve noticed — I stop to consider whether my tension is about wanting to control the situation. If it is, I breathe and aim to let go.
I’m not always successful, and it’s rarely easy, but bring attention to the situation is in itself calming.
Thanks for bringing your perspective to this. And for sharing Rupert Spira’s metaphor of the room and the furniture!
Gail Brenner says
Welcome to you, Clara. Thanks so much for sharing your insights about the internal clench of wanting to control. Sounds familiar to me!
I’ve found that trying to change or get rid of any experience – thoughts or physical sensations – requires a lot of effort and ultimately doesn’t work. I see you’ve discovered that as well.
In my quest to understand freedom from these experiences, I have discovered that it’s about being the space in the room that has no problem with the furniture in it – no matter what that furniture is. A story of wanting to control will make the physical sensations very sticky. But without the story, there is just sensation, and is that a problem, from the point of view of the space?
As space, anything can be present, but without attention, it means absolutely nothing. A thought? No big deal. A sensation? No big deal. This is freedom – when the fight with everything ends.
Much love to you….
Eric says
Looking through my old bookmarks I found this blog entry again, and it reminded me of how important it is to not let my mind run the show. For example, I am looking around at all the “stuff” I have surrounding me that I have purchased over the years, and realize (have very clear prajna in fact) that my mind convinced me I “needed” them to make me “whole” or “grounded” in some way, or at least to “add to” who I think (!) I am or want to be, but it is mostly a lie. That clear epiphany/awareness is shocking to say the least and made me realize that humans are the only creatures on Earth who store up stuff in this way, to somehow “prop up” their own feelings about themselves (and their self-made personalities). I’m not a hoarder by any means, but clearly I have really got to watch my thoughts closer and see the underlying “shenpa” that urges me to buy stuff for no other reason than my mind convinces me to do it to solve some fleeting need for psychological “well-being”! Great article, and SO true!
Gail Brenner says
So much insight here, Eric. With this understanding, the “stuff” will start losing its appeal and just not have the same effect it once did. Yes, it props us up and adds to the concept of “me,” which contributes further to hiding from our true magnificence.
In this pathless path to our own true nature, diligence is essential, along with kindness and ease. Yes, watch your thoughts very closely, but maybe also laugh at the games humans play when you don’t?
A big yes to not feeding the fleeting need for psychological well being. Beautiful journey….
Michelle says
Wonderful article! Thank you for sharing your truth, experience, vulnerability, and passion! I am so glad you made such an awesome transformation, your insight and wisdom is wonderful!!! Thank you for sharing, I love when you referenced your friends’ analogy about the room with furniture and stated “Who you are is the space, not the furniture. And the space is undisturbed no matter what is in it.”….I have been trying to wrap my head around one of the Tao verses in Dr. Dyer’s Living the Wisdom of the Tao (#11 if you have that book. smile), and that helped it resonate with me! Thank you so much, beautiful!!!!!! 🙂 Growth is such a beautiful, liberating, exciting, and freeing experience! Congratulations! I thoroughly enjoy all the articles I read from you, keep it up, it is all fantastic, you have a beautiful writing style with so much great insight! 🙂
Gail Brenner says
I love your enthusiasm, Michelle! I can tell you’re enjoying the path you’re on. Much love to you….