“Love is a flame that burns everything other than itself. It is the destruction of all that is false and the fulfillment of all that is true.”
~Adyashanti
I’m so happy to be back and writing again after a long break. Part of the reason for my absence here is that I have been dealing with online identity theft. The takeaway for all of us: complex, unique passwords and as many layers of security on your accounts as possible.
Yes, I see the irony in protecting my identity. Who am I really? Not my name or social security number. But in the realm of infinite possibility, it makes sense to be practical and protect yourself as needed.
What to Do With All the Pain
As readers here, you know that this blog is all about lasting happiness and true freedom. But are these truths universal? Do they apply to people suffering in difficult circumstances in all corners of the globe?
This is just the question asked by reader Tristan, who writes,”Are these answers universal? What should someone do if (s)he is going to be abused tonight if dad/uncle comes home drunk/horny/aggressive. Or lives in a war zone, and may have her/his child murdered tomorrow?
“I know I can achieve my own peace by shining awareness on everything, and my middle-class circumstances afford me plenty of spaceā¦ but I worry for our sisters and brothers I mention who still suffer in agony while I claim my peaceā¦ I feel so such pain over that that if there isnāt a realistic answer for them too, I would actually rather not be alive.”
Yes, these answers are universal. The truth is not selective. It is the reality of everything always. It is stable and unchangeable and applies everywhere and to everyone. So how do we understand these situations of immense suffering?
Deeply Investigate Who You Are
This question invites an investigation of who we really are, and who are all these other beings on the planet who are suffering. Who is it who is peaceful? Who is the one who is suffering? Let’s start with you.
When you look in your direct experience to find yourself, what is there? You will find thoughts that come and go, a body that changes over time, feelings, habits, physical sensations – but you will not find an entity that is you. So who you think you are is all of these experiences congealed into what seems like a separate self.
But there is no actual self, there is just these experiences, coming and going and changing. And the same goes for the rest of the almost 7 billion of us on the planet. We think we are separate, but in actuality, there are no separate selves.
Let’s then go straight to the heart of the matter and ask, “Who are you?” Who you are is the consciousness that comes before all thoughts, feelings, habits, sensations, etc. You are unity, non separation, non division, the space of awareness, the source that everything arises from. You exist, you are.
You are the purity of love itself before any objects or thoughts about the personal self arise. And this is true of every thing, every person that appears to be a separate entity.
Tell the Truth About Your Beliefs and Habits
Before this truth is realized, we buy into our belief systems, habits, and feelings that divide and separate. We justify bad behavior toward the apparent “other” in our thoughts. We compare, judge, and make ourselves and others better than or less than. We are misguided in our intentions, coming from fear, and lack, and not from love. This is what creates the suffering in our world.
And there is so much of it because only a tiny percentage of people investigate the truth about existence, and an even tinier percentage are open to realizing the endless well of peace that is possible. The vast majority of beings on the planet run on mind-created beliefs and delusion, fear and lack.
Don’t we all know the pain of being victim and perpetrator? I haven’t been physically violent in behavior with others (except for a girl in second grade), but I have said hurtful words, pushed others away, and been less than kind toward myself. I have let myself be the victim of others’ unconscious confusion when I knew better. And I know I’m not alone.
When any of our habits go unexamined, and we don’t admit the truth of who we are, there is great suffering of all kinds.
This is true even for those who commit the worst acts and for those who are the recipient of them.
From this place of non separation rises understanding and even compassion. Because when we truly see the apparent “other,” our heart knows there is no difference – we see ourself everywhere. Sometimes this moves us to help others or simply to be so very kind in the simple acts of daily life, including toward ourselves.
This is the ultimate healing ā to be alive in the understanding of non separation and to live the unfolding of life in the knowing that all is love.
Allow Everything and You Will Be Peaceful
Should you take care of yourself and your loved ones in the face of threat? Absolutely. In the great openness of awareness, nothing is excluded. Are there times of great helplessness in the face of all the suffering in the world? Yes. And as you let that helplessness in without resisting, painful as it may be, feeling or action may arise.
When you claim “your peace,” it is not actually yours in the personal sense. There is no you to whom this peace belongs. You are touching into the truth of reality that is available to everyone ā to all our brothers and sisters who are suffering.
Be a Living Testimony of Infinite Love
All behavior, all events that occur, unfold from original innocence. See that, then feel into the intensity of unexamined belief systems that bring about tremendous suffering. Eventually, only love is left. And, for me, the fire to bring awareness to any vestige of misguided thinking that may remain so the personal “I” dissolves, leaving presence, aliveness, and love.
Choosing not to live because of the suffering of others would be a sad waste of amazing potential. Instead, consider dedicating this life you have been given to living the truth. Clean up all your belief systems that confuse and limit.
Let your brilliance shine in everything and everyone in your daily life.
Since there is only unity, the joy and ease will be felt everywhere, even if it is at the most subtle level.
For the next day or so, look into, and behind, the eyes of everyone you meet ā people familiar to you and strangers – and see that the source of you and the source of them is the same. This is where we all meet in love, as love.
Any reactions, comments, or questions? I’d love to hear…
Kamleshanand Mehta says
Hi Gail. Nice understanding.
May I request you to visit http://www.hscrf,org & www,vvcrf.org .the research based website on Holistic Inner Science. This will definately help undersatnd the shbject more subtlely with mutidimentional approch. Pl. do visit A community on G+ Holistic Inner Science & blissful living
https://plus.google.com/u/0/communities/109866060629885464440
Where you can find excellent books and video presentation. All for free.
Wish you a very peacefultime.
Wish more interactions.
Regards & Love
Kamlesanand Mehta,
Gujarat, India
Gail Brenner says
Thank you, Kamleshanand. Love to you…
Brad Volz says
Thanks Gail,
A thoughtful and thorough post reminding us to look beyond ideas and beliefs to find the truth of our being and connection in love.
to more love! Brad
Gail Brenner says
What you write is so true, Brad. It’s so easy to be caught in beliefs and think that they are reality. It’s eye-opening to realize that we can look beyond them. And when we do, there it is shining brightly: truth and our connection in love.
Tristan says
Iāve spent 2 years feeling out what is contributed to the mix by the residues from my painful memories. But there is more to it. “We” (=Reality/consciousness) really are at āpeaceā with people being brutalized today, many children being raped tonight ā we have implied for millenia that these things are allowed.
But my emotions are not happy with this. If I knew you were being attacked, Iād be calling all friends near you, and jumping on the first plane to come help! But since there are millions being traumatized (also note: most not conscious enough to fully deal with whatās happening to them), I stay put, I give heartfully to everyone around me.
The love, the joy, the beauty and the horror show are not separate. The latter does not undo the former. Seeing it all together tho has my mind feeling like exploding.
Iām thinking what if the people who lived through the world wars had given up ā surely they were seeing a large picture of humanity to ruin all hope (esp if oneās aware that eg most Nazis were not fundamentally different from other humans)ā¦ well, they were temporary forms in Reality’s drama either way.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Tristan,
The love, the joy, the beauty, and the horror show are not separate as you say. But they are not the absolute reality either. All arise in the consciousness that is prior to form, empty, and fully alive. It is pure presence, already completely at peace with itself, not temporary, but everpresent.
Then life expresses itself in an amazing diversity of forms, and we get all the life situations that arise on the planet. Yes, there is a certain reality in these, and denying them would be a spiritual bypass. But getting caught in thinking about the traumas and tragedies doesn’t serve either. Even as those thoughts arise, reality remains, here, undisturbed, at peace.
Maybe there are parts of you asking for investigation and pure welcoming – for example, feelings of horror and the mind wanting to explode. What are these feelings? What are they made of? What is the true reality of them? We start where we are, with what is present right now, to understand the nature of reality.
If the movement appears in you to help, by all means follow through. Let the most natural, unconditioned, effortless part of you flourish, and peace may be closer than you think.
bheem says
Hi Gail! I think suffering seems inevitable in most of the peoples life sometime or other. But some overcome them faster while others take lot of time. I personally feel ability to come out fast is best and can be done by help of points you mentioned and also by help some good friends, relationships, prayer etc….One who suffer less pain is more lucky in life..
Gail Brenner says
Welcome to you, Bheem,
Suffering my be inevitable, but once you realize you are suffering, you can see what needs to be investigated to find relief. We have so much support, if we are open to it, and like-minded friends can help us see what is true in ourselves.
Paul says
Great article!
But if we let all our thoughts go how do we form anything logical?
Thanks for sharing.
Paul
Gail Brenner says
I love this question, Paul!
What we let go of is our attachment to thoughts. Thoughts definitely come, but you don’t give them your attention. You let them come and go without engaging in them. This way of being, or not being, with obsessive, nagging thoughts takes away their power.
But sometimes we need thoughts to function – to be logical to figure out directions or solve a problem. Or creative thoughts appear. These are useful thoughts that come as they are needed. There is a natural intelligence in life that gives us what we need. And it gives us thoughts when they are appropriate to the situation.
Actually, when you lose attachment to the obsessive, unhelpful thoughts, there is more clarity, more efficiency, more creativity. The useful thoughts have the space to be seen and acted on without the neurotic attachments of the mind.
This is why you don’t need to be concerned with stopping thoughts. Let them all be and trust that what you need will be fulfilled.
ellen says
Hi Gail! I have found your way of expressing what to do with obsessive thoughts and feelings so helpful. You are so clear, and it is not complicated : )
But one thing has bugged me. When I have had a direct experience of God, I have felt the communication as very personal. I could see what I truly am at my center, pure love, and I could assume that this is so for everyone else, but I felt it as an individual… and the communication has been to me, specifically.
I’ve had a handful of mystical experiences in my life, which is a little more intense, and like something is directly coming in to my awareness (in perfect gentleness, but fully powerful)…. and what I’ve been left with is a profound knowledge of myself, what I must be : ), but I didn’t leave these experiences with that sense of connection to everyone and everything else, not in the way you express it. And I wonder why…. I’ve still felt fully individual, and intimately known as the entity I think of as me.
What do you make of that? Thanks for your thoughts on this, Ellen
Gail Brenner says
Hi Ellen! So nice to meet you.
I invite you to investigate this individual “me” that you think you are. This needs to be a very meticulous investigation. Are you your thoughts? Are you defined by your body? by your roles? Are you a woman or daughter?
When you say, “I could see what I truly am at my center, pure love,” consider this possibility: that it’s not that you, the separate person, has seen who you are at your center. Maybe it’s the other way around: what your awareness is tapping into is the universal substance of love that exists, that just is prior to any sense of you as a separate “me.” If you play with being this love – not a separate self – is there any difference between you and everyone else?
You can’t think your way to the answers to any of these questions. Float them through your awareness and let whatever comes come. Be completely open, which means dropping all ideas about what you’ve heard or read (even here :). Don’t look for something that’s not already here. You – unlimited consciousness – are already who you are – spacious, boundless, love – it’s a matter of consciously knowing/realizing it.
Happy to hear your response or further questions. Enjoy the investigation! Love…
Kamleshanand Mehta says
Hi Gail. Lucid and easy to understand explanation. many thanks. One question comes to mind from here, What is the cause of formation of mind. In simple terms who is the Father and mother of mind? I feel once we understand the father/mother (cause) then only it is easy to get read of child(effect-thought).
Wish you very blissful time.
Warm Regards
Kamleshanad Mehta, Gujarat, India.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Kamleshanand,
Thank you so much for your question. There is not such thing as mind. Can you find it? Where is it? What is your evidence that mind exists? But thoughts do appear in consciousness. Thoughts, as is the same with any object, emerge from pure silent awareness. Why does awareness move to create thoughts? I don’t know. Some people say that consciousness likes to forget itself so it can remember itself. I don’t know if that is true or not.
The important thing about thoughts is that when you are attached to them – when you focus on them and believe what they say – you are denying the truth of who you are. Trying to get rid of thoughts is effortful and creates a strong identity about the one who wants to be free of thoughts. Instead, just let thoughts be. Don’t engage with them or be bothered by them. Keep your attention on awareness, and know yourself as that. Then thoughts will cease to be troubling. They can appear, but cause no problem, and you don’t have to spend any effort trying to get rid of them.
Love to you…