“Socrates showed us that thinking the truth is not enough. Truth demands to be lived.”
~Americ Azevedo
Real love is the essence of everything. In truth, everything and every moment is infused with it endlessly, if we’re open to seeing it.
Love has so many beautiful faces as it’s commonly expressed in the world: kindness, generosity, compassion, celebration, sharing joy…the list goes on. When our hearts are open and undefended, we taste the true heart that sees everything as one, the same, the infinite source of all.
From this perspective, everywhere we look we see ourselves. We are love itself.
But love isn’t always soft and sentimental. Grounding ourselves in true love where nothing is separate, we are fearless and whole.
Our actions aren’t based on any ideas about how we think we should act. Rather, they emerge from clarity as fresh responses that are perfectly appropriate to the moment.
They are aren’t thought out and habitual; they are free and spontaneous. And often surprising.
Consider these five less common, but enormously powerful ways to express love. Love may be more a part of your experience than you ever thought.
Saying No
The end of suffering comes when we say a continual Yes! to life, to things as they are. And that includes your inner knowing about situations that arise in your life. Yes doesn’t mean you always do, give, and support. It means that you see the big picture as well as all the details in it. Then the most loving action happens.
Maybe you aren’t comfortable around a friend who gossips. Or you don’t like how someone treats you. Maybe you don’t want to do what someone is asking of you. Or you feel taken advantage of.
Saying yes is opening to all aspects of what happens, including your own reactions. And from this openness, a wise “no” may be the clearest and most loving response.
Pleasing others is not always loving. If it comes from a generous heart, and others are happy, then you are freely giving what you already know to be true. There is nothing for you to get.
But when fear, need, guilt, or obligation are the drivers, tell the truth about these reactions until you see them with clarity. Then, fearlessly and kindly, just say “no.”
Silence
Our minds are often filled with endless chatter that affects how we show up in our daily lives. Do you fully pay attention? Do you babble on to fill up space? Are you afraid to just be quiet?
The root of these behaviors is distraction and unawareness. They suck the life out of life and block your appreciation of the living breathing reality of now.
Stop and ask, “How do I want to be in this moment?” You may find that the simplicity of silence is the most natural and aligned choice you could make.
Fearless Action
Fear-based action cannot possibly be an expression of love. Love is infinite, overflowing with potential, all-encompassing, and fearless. This is far from the picture that fear presents.
I can tell you from my own experience that you can put fear aside and let fearlessness guide you. There came a time when I just wasn’t willing to give fear the authority it was trying to have. I didn’t care what the results were or how others would evaluate me. I just had to stop behaving according to the limits of fear.
The bound up, fearful me was finally put to rest, and what was revealed was life, so fresh and alive, love in motion!
A friend put it another way. When fear visited, she said, “I’m not available to that.” Done. End of story.
So no more complaining about what you could be doing if you weren’t afraid, OK? Take Nike’s advice: just do it.
Moving Toward Pain
It’s a survival instinct of the human form to move away from pain. But if you want to be deeply at peace, you must see how you fight your own experience.
Ignoring painful feelings keeps pesky habits locked into place. And rejecting feelings is rejecting a part of the preciousness that is you.
Open your heart to all of your experience. Every nuance of feeling, every tender contraction in the shadows of your body. Whatever comes, receive it with the deepest acceptance.
Be like the ocean that provides a home to all the life in it. Be a welcoming, loving host for everything that knocks on your door.
Listening
If you stand in the belief that, “I know,” then you will forget to listen. You think you’ve got it all figured out, while you are missing out on the clarity that comes by simply listening.
Truth speaks in a subtle whisper. It has nothing to do with fear and need and everything to do with love. It asks you to not know, to surrender control, and to receive.
In the moments of deep listening, you are empty and available, open to whatever appears. Can you open your heart and listen from the space of love?
* * * * * * *
Love is fierce, soft, tender, sharp, and everything in between. It doesn’t look any given way—it all depends on what arises in the freshness of the moment.
When conditioned beliefs have fallen away, all that remains is love. Live here. Clear your mind, and let yourself be surprised by how love moves.
What About You?
How is love expressed through you? How is it blocked? I’d love to hear…
Craig Seamer says
Relating to wisdom in 5 ways to express love.
With thought, feeling and belief in love for someone, is it ok to continue to, in what seems so true, when they are journeying through life experiencing love with others after they had 14 years of loving just one. They have expressed genuine love and affection this way, I’m unsure if it is wise to continue to move toward the pain with fearless action or learn from past loves and move on with just a friendship involved. Gail, I have followed your emails since I first walked away, we reconnected, again she wanted to experience others, we reconnected again just recently. You come across as wise and one who in words can offer thoughts for my minds heart to ponder with.
Your a shinning star found amongst glittering gems, thanks for being you.
Gail Brenner says
It depends on what you want, Craig. If you are wanting her to just be with you and never again with others, she would need to convince you that this is her desire as well and an agreement she is willing to keep. If not, and if you want an exclusive relationship, it doesn’t sound like the fit is right.
I trust that you know the answer. Sometimes the best/wisest/most loving decision is not to move toward pain, but to say no and walk away. Be fierce in telling the truth to yourself about all of it, even if that is painful, so that you can see clearly.
Craig Seamer says
Thanks muchfully Gail,
Yes I know the answer. Unexpectant patience, if it is meant to be it will be, if not, there’s strength in friendships. Respect for that friendship has been asked for and put in place, time will see if there is truth in that too. I have nothing to loose 🙂 and patience is a virtue, and a virtue worth the learning.
Nice chinwagging with you Gail, again you are a shinning star. Thanks for your beacon of light 0:)
Gail Brenner says
Very sweet, Craig. Love to you…
Scott McGregor says
Thanks Gail! You have a talent for expressing deep topics in a nutshell.
Gail Brenner says
Thank you, Scott. Great to hear from you!
donna says
I loved this piece. I was a caregiver for my mom and during that time I quit a to spend more time with her . My husband encouraged me to start a website for 50+ ladies as the day I turned 50 I found to be wonderful and so many were sad. It was a great past time while caring for mom. Mom passed away two years ago this month…I dabble with the site here and there but lately have been blogging again. My blog gets mixed emotions…some family/friends encourage me….a few think Im self centered when I write. I fear hitting each button but I love writing and my husband encourages me to hit send. I have to let go of the fear. I have to let go of the negatives. I have to say no to others opinions. It truly is just a hobby but I enjoy writing and sharing my story. thank you…this post is extremely encouraging….
Gail Brenner says
Hi Donna,
You can never go wrong by following your heart. Happy writing!
Bles says
“Yes to things as they are..” And “love is free, spontaneous and often surprising..” These are awesome quotes from what you wrote! I come from a large family, with 7 sisters and a brother. Of course, too many different personalities. I am one on the passive, always reasoning to what the strongly opinionated ones say. Often times, I find myself retreating and agreeing, perhaps conceding, but inside I guess it was distracting. What am I doing here? I’m am just pleasing some of my siblings! The need, the obligations, indeed are driving me to do so. Surprisingly, I felt I should not be thinking about how I should act, nor I am aware that my mind is filled by thoughts and forgot to open my heart to these experiences. Love bursts in extraordinary ways, it was spontaneous. I can’t premeditate my thoughts because love is an emotion we can’t control! Love occurs spontaneously and it was no more about “thinking.” A fresh response appropriate for the present moment. Then I what came next was a life fresh and alive. What my sisters’ opinions and arguments were experiences, and no matter what they are, I embrace them, are aware of them, and love them as I love my siblings! Here’s another appropriate quote from a favorite author of mine, Leo Tolstoy, in his War and Peace, “Seize the moments of happiness, love and be loved! That is the only reality in the world, all else is folly.” —— Good day Gail!
Gail Brenner says
And a good, beautiful day to you, Bles. Thanks for sharing how it’s possible to make fresh choices in relationships that are all about love…
Amit says
Hello Gail,
Thank you for the nice article. They are as pretty as you are! I have been reading your articles since last six months and enjoying it thoroughly. I wish to share UPenn’s graduation speech by Nipun with all your reader. http://www.dailygood.org/view.php?sid=236
Also see his website http://www.servicespace.org/ It is all about observing, accepting, loving and knowing our own self!
Best wishes and lots of love to all.
Amit
Gail Brenner says
A warm welcome to you, Amit. Thanks for sharing this.
amit says
Hi! mam.i am very much stuck to my past experiences.someone told me that “you will never get your girlfriend since you do m.tech”.from that moment i am very much unhappy.i always try to persuade myself.i just love my girlfriend.and she does the same.but with my fear and continuous chatter in my head i fear to lose her.i know also if it happens its cause will be none but myself.i sometimes feel insecure.i want be free from fear.i know it could be possible by you only.your articles helped me a lot.still i want to have your opinion about my fear.i know i can change myself.and really thankful you are doing all these.please help me.
Gail Brenner says
Thanks so much for writing, Amit. You are not alone in the ways that all this mental chatter affects you. So your job is to move your attention away from it so it doesn’t impact your day-to-day life so much.
Whenever you catch yourself thinking these upsetting thoughts, take a deep breath. Then bring your attention to the present – what you’re feeling, touching, hearing. Realize you’ve been lost in a bad dream for a while, and just by taking a breath, you return here where things are OK. You’ve created a whole separate world in your mind that is not true. So returning your attention to the here and now – as often as you need to, maybe a thousand times a day – this will start to remind you not to pay attention to the thoughts.
Another option is that whenever you feel the fear or think these fear thoughts, instead of continuing to think them, bring your attention into your body. Feel the sensations of tension, tingling, whatever. Make the space for those sensations to be there. When your attention is on the sensations – and not on the thoughts – you are cutting through that negative story line in your head.
These are the things that can help you to disengage from the thoughts and from having the fear be so prominent in your life. This fear pattern is very strong, so stay committed and know that presence and kindness to yourself are ultimately stronger than fear. The fear may always come, but when you learn to not let it affect you so much, everything starts to change.
With love and support to you….