What is love? Sounds like I’m ready to launch into a Shakespearean monologue, but no, I want to get to the bottom of this misunderstood experience.
We search for love, thinking we don’t have it. We fall in and out of love, hoping it will last. But what is absolutely true is that love is your true nature.
What does that mean?
When the mind gets out of the way trying to figure love out, we realize the shining truth that it is the fundamental fabric of everything. Take away all the ways our thoughts divide reality—you/me, good/bad, desire/rejection, this/that—and what is seen is pervasive oneness that is at the heart of everything. This is You!
We so easily fool ourselves into believing that we are lacking love. But when you see through to the essential truth, you realize that love has always been here.
All is healed—because you know in your core that you were never broken. The pain of lack in the stories you define yourself by is filled up and overflowing—with love.
This is your living possibility.
I came across a book recently called The Love Mindset by Vironika Tugaleva, which addresses this very topic. I invited Vironika to answer some questions. Let her words wash over you. And remember, love heals, and it is closer than you could ever imagine.
What is a love mindset?
A love mindset is a state of mind where you can experience love for yourself and others, regardless of outside circumstances.
If you could piece apart the inner workings of a person with a love mindset, you’ll find unconditional self-acceptance, deep self-awareness, and an unwavering appreciation for every moment of life.
Why is it important to have one?
When we don’t love ourselves, we don’t take care of ourselves. When we don’t take care of ourselves, we suffer.
Without the love mindset, we starve ourselves, as a result, we experience symptoms like depression, anxiety, anger, violence, and self-loathing.
Perhaps this is a bold assertion, but I truly believe that the love mindset heals most mental health issues. I’ve watched it happen in myself, my clients, and, day after day, people who read the book. They discover that the problem is not genetics, behaviours, or the past. They don’t need to wait around for the perfect person or for the world to change. They can have love, healing, and happiness right now.
The love mindset is a medication-free, genuinely humane, and debatably radical way to heal and be happy.
What are the obstacles that people have against cultivating a love mindset?
Most people have trouble trusting themselves as a higher power.
Too many people in our society are speaking to themselves, but listening to someone else. We don’t trust our inner voice. We don’t trust that deep inner wisdom that guides us towards what we need and away from what we don’t need.
We go grasping for guru after guru, quick fix after quick fix. We’re all awaiting the magical solution, told to us by someone else. And yet, all the answers lie within us.
This is the key – surrender. To stop searching for answers in someone else’s version of the truth, and surrender to ourselves, to finally listen to what we’re trying to tell ourselves.
And I’ve found that, about 9.9 times out of 10, the suffering person is screaming for love. They are screaming to themselves, begging for their own acceptance.
What can people do if they are struggling with being unhappy?
I take people through a three step process. This looks completely different for everyone, but has the same essential framework.
Step 1 is to disidentify from your suffering. This means that you must stop labelling your pain as something. This means that you must let go of the comfort of the diagnosis and the safety of the label. You are suffering for a reason. You are not broken.
Step 2 is to discover your inner power. Instead of trying to find power outside of yourself, realize that you already have all the strength that you’ll ever need. Realize that the most blissful moments in your life have happened when you’ve let go and experienced the immense, unbreakable power that is already there, that will always be there. Inspiration is not externally imposed. It is your spirit coming to life. Find your indomitable, powerful spirit. It will give you the energy you need to change your life.
Step 3 is to learn to decode your emotions. In our society, emotional numbing is a norm. Listen to your emotions. Allow them to happen, relax into them, learn from them. Accept them as messages from yourself. You are speaking to yourself. Do not tell yourself to shut up with a beer and do not drown yourself out in TV shows. Listen. What are you hungry for? Listen and you will hear.
Do you think that people have to hit rock bottom, like you did, in order to change?
Only if they’re more stubborn than I was (which would be quite a feat).
Having recovered from it, I don’t think stubbornness is an innate trait. It’s a habit.
The biggest illusion that people have about change is that we have to “do” change, that everything is static until we decide to activate it. Life is change. Changes are happening already, all the time, everywhere, and they will continue to happen. Change is the way of life.
I was already changing before I hit rock bottom. All of my misery was trying to tell me something.
It was like life was birthing me from one part of my life to the next. The umbilical cord had detached and there I was being pushed out into a whole new world. But I didn’t want to go. I was crawling back in, reaching for the illusion of safety. Eventually, I had to either let go or die in there.
This is change. It ‘s already occurring. We simply choose whether we surrender to it or fight it. And that is something anyone can do anytime.
What About You?
Do you think you are starving for love? Have you found that love heals? Please share, as it benefits everyone. Vironika and I would love to hear….