āThe choiceless truth of who you areĀ is revealed to be permanently here permeating everything.Ā Not a thing and not separate from anything.ā
~Gangaji
If you rely on your mind to tell you about how things are, you’re asking for trouble. Because it’s the mind that divides, compares, judges, and evaluates.
It tells you that you’re not good enough, that you’re better than, that you’re lacking or insufficient. It makes you feel confused and anxious in your daily life. It seduces you into thinking that others are here to threaten you, annoy you, or withhold the love you long for.
It makes your feelings spin out of control.
Misunderstanding Who You Are
When we define ourselves by our thoughts, we forget the truth: that we are immeasurably vast, that peace is our very nature, that everything is connected, arising from the one universal source.
We forget thatābefore any thoughts have taken holdāwe are awake, aware, and fully alive. We are pure existence minus the content of thoughts, without any form or personal definition.
So how do we go from this idyllic state of infinite awareness to these limited, separate, troubled entities we believe ourselves to be? Why don’t we live what is actually true?
Through the power of conditioning, limitless awareness gets glued to thoughts.
- We are told from birth that we are separate and individual.
- Our personal view of ourselves is reinforced by others and by our own thoughts.
- We identify as a person with a name and gender who has goals, needs, fears, and desires.
- We live this misunderstanding of who we are, incorrectly believing that thoughts are the true description of our reality.
The joy of simply being present is lost as we scramble to protect ourselves. We think we are lacking so we try to find happiness in the future that never comes. We strive to get our needs fulfilledāour thoughts deterring us from realizing that everything we want is right here, perfect as it is.
The Practice: Becoming Unglued from Thinking
How to unglue your lovely essence from thinking? How to live the truth of who you are?
Lose interest in thoughts. Ignore them. Don’t take what they say as truth.
You simply let go of focusing on the energy and content of thoughts. And you realize that you are aware and free, boundless and awake. You have no personal identity to protect or condemn. It’s so relaxing, so effortless to give up focusing attention on anything.
You flow like water.
Losing interest in thoughts is an invitation for your attention to disengage from thinking. You don’t need to stop thoughts or change them. These are strategies that take way too much effort to sustain.
Instead, see that thoughts are simply appearances in the expansiveness of presence. They don’t essentially mean anythingāunless you believe them.
Losing interest in thinking means you turn off the switch to everything you know. If you’re honest, it hasn’t been working for you anyway. Then,
- You can’t feel inadequate.
- You can’t be caught in anxious thinking.
- You can’t worry about what the future might bring or ruminate about the past.
- You have no capability to doubt, analyze, judge, or ponder, no repetitive mental patterns to distract you.
When you rest in presence as spacious awareness, thoughts may appear, but they don’t agitate you. They can be present or notābut either way, here you are…aware, undefended, peaceful.
This is true freedom. Reality re-created fresh in every moment. You: innocent, pristine, whole, undivided.
Always Here: Unattached and Free
The habit of thinking is so powerful that forgetting will happen as awareness again attaches to thoughts. You may miss the pure aliveness that you are many times. Be concerned only with freedom in this moment.
Your clue is that you suffer. Be patientāit takes time to erode this connection. Be kindātake a breath, and let the thoughts go, every time.
You are instantly, consciously, gloriously aware.
You already know that peace is right here waiting for you. Deep happiness, joy for no reason, gratitude that can’t be contained, wonder, awe, stunning clarity…these are glimpses of a crack in the thinking armor that lets in the light of conscious awareness.
Notice these. Live here.
The challenges of life still happen. Practical thoughts will appear just as you need them. And here you areāunattached and free.
What About You
Have you become unglued from thinking? Do you think your thoughts are real…or not? I’d love to hear…
image credit
Veronica Nipper says
I truly enjoy your readings! The subject areas always offer choices to which I can identify with. It helps to make me a better “me”. It allows me to grow in my thinking and develop areas that need to be improved upon or simply readjust. It also helps me to understand others and give positive feedback when asked.
Gail Brenner says
Welcome to you, Veronica! Everyone around you benefits when you clear up confusion within yourself. Beautiful journey to you…
Sunniva BjĆørndal says
Hello again Gail
Spring is here (Norway), and today I sat down under the huge garden birch tree with the hypergreen new leafs, well, stunning clarity, wonder and simple being was not difficult to achieve, I love your writing, its like beautiful reminders to take back the joy of life from the marsh of everyday thougts and duties.
I hope wonderful weather brightens your life too, Love Sunny
Gail Brenner says
Hello, Sunniva! Yes, the joy of life in the simple things! So beautiful. I’m in Iceland right now, with spring just beginning in its own unique way here.
Love to you…
Connie Mclaughlin says
Good Morning Gail,
When I open my inbox in the morning and see a post from you, I feel like it is a gift to my heart. I usually finish cleaning up my e mails and then open up your post and deliciously sip on your words.
Your post today on becoming unglued was easy for my heart to internalize.
I decided that when I become aware that I am glued to my thoughts, I am going to take a big cleansing breath and breathe them out and breathe in Presence.
Even as I type that it makes me smile and brings tears to my eyes. Thank you.
Gail Brenner says
Hello Connie,
Thank you so much for your beautiful and kind words. I love that you listen through your heart – really, that’s all that is needed. Much love to you…
Maria says
Hi gail, this is a wonderful post! I have a very tough time to let go of stressful thoughts. I think I am unable to focus my attention/energy anywhere else because thoughts sound so true, even though they are not.
Gail Brenner says
Thoughts do sound true, Maria, but little by little you have moments of pure, unglued attention. These are the moments to celebrate, and the rest takes care of itself. This is truth calling you home.
Helen Gennari says
Gail, thank you for this reminder. I am aware of the futility of getting so involved with my “thoughts” and I struggle with remembering not to identify with them. I try to practice awareness and letting go. But it’s a moment by moment practice–which I forget –and need such reminders as this.
Gail Brenner says
It’s a joy for me to offer reminders, Helen! Yes, it is a moment by moment practice. Each moment of awareness and letting go is a moment of alignment with peace, in fact it is peace. This is timeless being.
Yes, practices can be useful and liberating. Eventually we see through the one who tries so hard to achieve. Everything melts back into itself, including the one doing all the trying. It’s a beautiful path back to your true home.
Pam says
I am stuck with the “what if”‘syndrome. Example. My 20 year old son who is in college and doing well is having a hard time getting up with his alarm. It’s loud yet he can’t hear it. I wish I could sleep that hard! Anyways, he will be moving out this summer and starting a life of his own. “What if”. He can’t get up for work? What if he looses his job because of it. What if then he can’t pay his rent? We will be moving to the next province over, so I won’t even be near him. My husband keeps saying “don’t worry about it”. So I stop worrying for awhile, but then it creeps back into my life. The “what ifs”! In turn I get angry and it literally ruins my day.
Gail Brenner says
A big welcome hug to you, Pam! Maybe you can take a look at your attachment to your son’s behavior. Of course, as a mother, you want only the best for him. But at 20, it’s his turn to take responsibility for himself. He was never “yours” anyway, and maybe now is the time to set him free – within yourself.
Hold the space for his unique path into adulthood and trust that he will learn exactly what he needs to know. Let him make mistakes and learn from the consequences without intervening. Be a huge support, but maybe now is the time to let him fly.
I think this is about your identity as a mom. What happens inside you when you feel into letting him go?
In love and support to you…
Chris Wheaton says
Your article is so spot on. The trick is to stay in the NOW and not go wandering on endless bunny trails! I know and believe what you are saying is true and am in that flow of presence for short periods of time. Then something or someone comes along and I find myself distracted by ego once again. I guess that is my earth school purpose to evolve by holding the consciousness of presence longer and more firmly NOW. Thanks for your wisdom and encouragement!
Gail Brenner says
Hi Chris,
I’d like to nudge you to investigate the one who is trying so hard to stay in the now. The staying in the now isn’t the problem – it’s the identity as the one who thinks he needs to find something that he thinks isn’t already here.
Those moments of realizing you are distracted by ego are perfectly designed for you to make this investigation. Open to your direct experience and see what is actually present. Then shift your attention to the awareness that it all arises in (unglue attention from objects). From here, there is only pure arising, experience happening with no “one” separate person there.
Contemplate that you are not who you think you are and let your consciousness expand. It’s a glorious practice…
artemis says
Hello Gail and excellent post as usual. I’m going through a hard time now because I am leaving a marriage of 30years and must say I have constant thoughts of coping,alone.
We are told these thoughts should be looked at and not looked into but I find it hard to become detached from them. I guess ever more so because they have so much meaning attached to them. Like the pain I feel from my marriage and the anxiety/fear I feel about my future.
I have read this is the ego that is talking. That how much power we give a thought is determined by our feelings.
I also know that thoughts can paralyze us preventing us from coping and making better decisions. They are doubts or feelings of insecurity that come up about how we are feeling about a situation.
I agree we should leave them be, to not give me the power to take over and attach to our emotions.
So today I decided when I hear the part of me that speaks with fear or speaks about the hurt, I will acknowledge that I am here and I hear you but the struggle ends here.
So I thank you Gail for bringing this awareness to me again.
Gail Brenner says
So beautiful, Artemis. I see how you are working it out – from attachment to thoughts and feelings to finding peace where the struggle ends.
Yes, yes, and yes! Acknowledging what is present but not letting it overtake you…this is the path to peace.
artemis says
Thank you Gail.
Debbie says
Thank you Gail. Yesterday I was thinking, I want to be. What is it to be? How do you know when your being or if you are just going through the motions of being?
Gail Brenner says
Only you can know the answer to this, Debbie. First of all, you can’t not be. You couldn’t have written those words or be reading mine if you weren’t being. So it’s a matter of consciously knowing being.
Being is alive, is the knowing that everything pulses with life – not just people, animals, and butterflies, but chairs and trucks. At the core of every form is this aliveness. In true being you just know you are alive, you are this life. It can look different ways – excitement, so loving, awe-filled, deeply peaceful. But the essence is an undeniable absolute sense of being alive.
If you are going through the motions, you are likely to feel flat, numb, or dull – or something like that.
I wonder if what is happening is that you know being, but you are doubting this experience. Doubt is thoughts in the mind. What if you didn’t pay attention to these doubting thoughts. Is being not right here, right now?
A beautiful investigation…
Amit says
Hello Gail,
Nice question “Have you become unglued from thinking? Do you think your thoughts are realā¦or not?” Yes most of the time I am glued. I am possessed by the thoughts. Once in a while, I am alone with me in the vast consciousness. It is so peaceful and without any resistance. I feel happy and light. I know this is where we should be all the time, but mind and the thought plays the trick and I am not that fiercely alert not to get hijacked by thoughts. I know I am so fortunate to be there, yet I lack that conviction to be there all the time!
Love and regards.
Amit
Gail Brenner says
Hi Amit,
So beautiful to hear that you sometimes rest in vast consciousness with no resistance. And when you are there, doesn’t it feel simple? There’s nothing to do but be at ease.
It’s only when we are lost in thought that we feel that it takes a lot of conviction to get back to this state. As you know, this isn’t sustainable, because the mind naturally wanders sometimes. The true medicine is to realize that you already are that which you seek. You can’t lose it, it’s impossible. So in the moments of struggle, rather than trying to get somewhere else, be fully welcoming of your experience as it is. Feel the frustration and see through to the essence of it – some physical sensations arising in consciousness. Let go of any identity of the one who needs to go somewhere or solve something, and be with what is with no resistance. All of a sudden, you are at peace.
Experiment with being at peace with what is in all moments. Simply receive, no matter what arises. No effort needed for endless peace….
it’s simpler than that. Consciousness is effortless” But it’s simpler than that.It’s actually simpler than taking a lot of conviction to stay present all the time. Because this assumes that you have to work to be who you actually are. It’s simpler because
Marie says
I’m wondering what you would say about the idea of having a balance …. not giving up thoughts completely but paying attention to how thoughts are and aren’t serving you. Sometimes it’s fun and enriching to be a deep thinker, develop your thoughts on a topic or inquire how a thought or premise came to be. However, I also agree with all the statements you make about the pitfalls of being caught up in one’s thoughts for most of the time.
Gail Brenner says
Do what you enjoy, Marie. If you find thinking entertaining, then why not do it? The problem isn’t thoughts themselves – it’s the attachment we have to the sticky ones. So let go of your attachments to the ones that don’t serve, and otherwise, go forth and enjoy!
Marie says
Thanks for your reply. š
Marie says
Please forgive me as I seem to often challenge you in your posts.
There is something that doesn’t fully ring true for me about this post.
I think it is one way of approaching things some of the time. However, my gut tells me it isn’t always the right way to approach everything all of the time.
Early in life I was driven to find some answers. It took me many years, lots of determination, lots of searching and lots of effort (as you describe). It was very thinking oriented stuff.
I had friends who were from similar situations and they said they didn’t have to understand things, they didn’t have to do all that thinking, effort and figuring things out, they could just live and approach things they way you suggest above. They would argue why not short cut and go straight to the beauty of living as you describe. I could see their point. I felt it was right for them and right for me some of the time but not all of the time.
I felt very compelled to spend years searching, thinking and understanding. I didn’t feel I had a choice. I now am glad I did. I look at others in my family who have had to wrestle with the same topics as me and I feel I am so much better off and further ahead because I did this type of learning and thinking.
I feel very good about the answers I finally found and more at peace and confident with the skill set it brought me.
At the same time, I can really see your point about dropping all your thoughts and being open to the beauty and reality as it is. Perhaps it’s a dance between times of effort and thinking and also letting all that go.
I know there is no end and I will never “figure it all out” but there is certain layers I do feel I could not walk away from and it is best for me to think about and figure out. In fact, I feel quite proud of some of the hard work searching, questioning, thinking and finding I have done.
Any thoughts?
Gail Brenner says
Your challenges are most welcome, Marie, because they are burning questions for you.
Dropping thoughts means not being attached to them – it doesn’t mean that they don’t appear. It means that when they are present, they don’t cause disturbance and suffering.
Being open to reality as it is doesn’t exclude anything – including thoughts. So they can appear, but there’s no problem.
However, when your attention is consumed in thoughts, you miss the underlying reality that is peaceful in its own right, even when thoughts are present.
If thoughts are sticky, meaning you spend a lot of time thinking about them and they define your reality, then they deserve your attention. It’s useful to understand how they work, what triggers them, and the emotions that go along with them. This thinking process that you describe is a tool that helps you to disidentify with these thoughts. You see through to the truth of them so they no longer define you, no longer cause suffering. It sounds like this is what you’ve been doing quite successfully.
Once you disidentify with thoughts, you have the space to be open to pure reality. Your attention becomes unglued from thoughts and it can rest in itself in timeless being. Thoughts arise, but they are seen as part of the whole. They are wisps of energy in the background, while the foreground is peace, ease, acceptance.
You don’t have to decide: should I think or should I become unglued from thoughts. The intelligence that is inherent in every moment will guide you perfectly if you listen to it. Your only job is to surrender – you will be shown the way…
Shadi says
I wrote a terrible comment for this post but luckily I didn’t send it. Sigh of relief for all of your lovely readers! Not only I sounded all pompous (showing off my half-baked wisdom on the subject matter), I was also insincere pretending that I’d connected with the post! Disappointed in me, I trusted the answer would show up in time. And it did effortlessly. Today I stumbled on another post of yours written 4 years ago. I read ‘The most intelligent thing you could ever do’, and truly and sincerely connected to it. Now I’m leaving your site very light and greatly less burdened.
Gail Brenner says
Dear Shadi,
You are welcome here in any way that you are – in delusion, captured by stories, ego in charge, coming and going, taking steps along the road, in complete freedom. Who you really are has never been touched by any of it.
Much love to you…
Kadeeja says
I have been practicing mindfulness for sometime and all you say is true. There are times when something really traumatic happens and I unwittingly identify with the mind and suffer. Today was one such day and I was caught up in my angry story but God guided me to you and reminded me to go back to presence. As I keep reading your various posts, being the witness, and feeling the flow of my energy – I feel light again. So thank you for being God’s instrument in helping me.
I think there was a little delusion I had been nurturing for a while that there would be a time that all my pain would be healed and all my dysfunctional thoughts cleared and it would be safe to step back to mind. But that is not true is it? Abiding in awareness is the only life possible from thereon, is it? Aha! Thanks again. Peace.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Kadeeja,
It’s only the mind that describes an experience as traumatic. When you know yourself as the ground of being, everything is received as it is in a kind of friendly neutrality. So any thoughts or emotions can appear, but reality, being, you remain undisturbed.
Don’t try to get rid of anything, as this creates resistance. Just let it be – whatever shows up. If you throw a pebble into a still lake, there will be ripples, but the water underneath has not been touched at all. Be the still water, and any ripples can appear without disturbing you.
Shannon says
Dear Gail,
Thanks again for a wonderful and timely post! I started a new job a few months ago in the medical field that is very challenging and have not been meditating for a while admittedly, simply due to prioritizing other things and being busy (not worth it, by the way). Unfortunately, my mind has been ruminating and future tripping and what-if’ing and anxiety has become a problem. I find myself struggling with self-esteem and insecurity again after having made a lot of progress at one point with lots of meditation and mindfulness. I have slipped back into old conditioning. I am re-realizing how important it is to be mindful of who we really are, our true essence, apart from thought forms and emotion. Through your posts and Eckhart Tolle’s teachings, I had an epiphany a few years ago and it really made my life better. It’s funny how we can let things go, though–thankfully, we can always start again! You are a bright light in this world, Gail, and I appreciate your wisdom and kindness, which is palpable in your posts. Namaste….
Gail Brenner says
Hi Shannon,
What you describe is so important for everyone to hear. Yes, conditioning as a strong momentum about it and can creep in even with our best intentions to be present. But it doesn’t have to be a problem. It only means that attention has shifted into objects (thoughts and feelings) and has moved from presence itself.
Presence is the ground of being, so it’s always here, available as the source of peace. And it’s timeless. The mind says “I forgot,” or “I got lost again,” but presence is stable and receives all as it is, even while you think you’re forgetting.
So, yes, begin again, which is what is happening in every moment anyway – always fresh and new. Celebrating presence once again…
Michael Gallaher says
I have always isolated. Alone in and with my own thoughts. Reliving past events over and over again in an attempt to change the outcome.
Your messages have changed all of those practices. Thank you!
It is liberating to just be here, present-right here, right now in this moment enjoying the moment without comparison to previous moments or attempting to somehow alter or manipulate future moments. It is hard however to disconnect from thinking to just be in the moment-enjoying. Working on it not able yet to be free but truly enjoying the exercise.
You wrote to me once and included a passage that I have adopted in my everyday life. I modified it a little hope you don’t mind? “In every moment, you are the only one who gets to choose your attitude. Choose wisely” (I added) and for every reason–choose Love! Love is not thinking; love is feeling and you can stop, take a breath and start a whole new feeling each and every moment if need be. It feels right anyway. So thanks again.
Gail Brenner says
This is so beautiful to hear, Michael. Thanks for letting me know. I love what you added to my quote! Yes, choose love….
Jayashree says
‘Unglue’ from your thoughts,what a beautiful concept.
I am currently doing some internal cleansing from feeling of GUILT,
But in the process sometime I am so attached to it and forget
I AM ,peace and harmony,thoughts are passing by, and I am
Just observer !
Those clouds of thoughts of guilt are just thoughts,detach and be free of them.
Thanks Gail.
Gail Brenner says
You are most welcome, Jayashree. Yes, you’re the observer of all of it!
Bethany DelMargo-Lew says
Hello! Just wanted to connect and comment saying that I’m delighted. Delighted and at peace (if only momentarily until my next struggle arises) [im poking fun at myself] after reading your piece and concluding for myself that in this way, my life has and will continue to come full circle during this physical cycle. To expound, explaining that I’ve often recalled various people during my formative years expressing to me that ultimately did not think very much or quote “enough” ; ie being labeled as stupid, shallow, thoughtless, clueless, vapid (my moms fav) etc etc……
As of right now I’m laughing, realizing that I was conditioned in a variety of ways and currently at mid life, my main goal is essentially to think less and I look forward to a gradual shift decrease in the number of thoughts I actually experience as my adult life carries on bringing me back to where I started. Haha Big smiles – I still care, love, live and breathe but thinking is not my favorite sport. š
Peace, fun, Light and Love to all!! And PS! Gail – a great big thank you! I really appreciate this and you~
Bethany DelMargo-Lew says
A various number expressing to me that ultimately I* did not think very much or “enough”. Had to correct myself- Peace š
Gail Brenner says
I love that, Bethany – thinking is not your favorite sport – then you can choose not to play!
It’s not that thoughts don’t arise. They may always appear. But you don’t have to be affected by them.
Experience thoughts as objects or forms arising in the space of aware presence. Before any thinking there is simply being. When you establish your attention in being, thoughts can arise, but they don’t cause a problem because you don’t grab them. They come and go like waves in the ocean, but here you are like the deep water – steady and unmoving. This is where you find peace – and release from conditioning.
I love your sense of humor! At the heart of it is the joy of pure being…
Marie says
Big thanks for your explanation above. You explain everything very well.
Marie
Sheila C says
Hello, I’m new to your writings and I have been reading them one by one. Soaking them in and letting them feed my mind and soul. There has been so much healing inside me just reading and comprehending your words. Thank You so much for sharing them and allowing them to touch me. I and going to pass them on to my daughter who I hope gets as much from them as I am.
Gail Brenner says
A warm welcome to you, Sheila! I love that you’re soaking in exactly what you need. May every cell be flooded….