“How can I be still? By flowing with the stream.”
~Lao-tzu
“To me every hour of the light and dark is a miracle. Every cubic inch of space is a miracle.”
~Walt Whitman
Whatever your preferences, needs, desires, or expectations, life unfolds with such grace. Have you noticed?
We have an amazing word to describe it—serendipity, being pleasantly surprised by events that occur, seemingly by chance. They just happen.
I’ve been the recipient of serendipity myself recently. I’d been traveling the past few weeks and had to change my plans at the last minute due to a long flight delay. Instead of having to wake up at 4:00 am, I could now sleep until 7:00—except that I bolted awake at 5:00, realizing I had mistakenly made a train reservation from London to Paris instead of Paris to London.
I figured I was out the money for the wrong train ticket until a lovely agent arranged for my refund—without laughing at me for my mistake.
Could I have planned any of that or made it happen? I could have been more diligent about checking the reservation before clicking “reserve,” but by the time I realized it, the cards had been dealt. What’s the use of criticizing my actions when they were already done? As for the rest of it…serendipity!
My point is not that we shouldn’t be responsible for our actions, check our reservations before we confirm them, or learn from our mistakes. But if we don’t spend our time crying over milk that’s already spilled (what’s your version of that?), we’re available to consciously experience the effortless unfolding of life.
It’s happening anyway. Why miss it?
The Way Things Are
This post is not about doing—it’s about noticing. We notice what is, as it is, in its absolutely exquisite perfection. And we surrender our personal need to control things.
Because not one of us could even come close to creating the marvelous array of forms and occurrences of all kinds that we call life.
As I write this, I’m on the (correct) train from Paris to London. How did this come to be—this complex set of machinery traveling at 180 miles per hour? How did it happen that the farmland I see out the window so abundantly produces just what we need? How could my “mistake” be rewarded so generously?
And what about all this beauty, this tenderness? It’s so palpable everywhere!
I know there are answers to some of these questions. But even when we know the answers, there remains the ineffable, the essence of life that just is. It can never be known by our minds, never adequately explained with thoughts or words.
It’s so here—in every breath, in everything you see, hear, and feel—the light behind all of it.
And when everything in form falls away, we realize this is who we are. Simply life itself with no separate person here making any effort to do anything. Just pure being.
Notice the Unfolding
When we resist life, we miss it. We’re caught in the should be’s and might have been’s that are filled with anxiety and sorrow. And at the same time, here is life, perfect as it is, effortlessly unfolding.
Just for a moment, can you put aside the fight with what is and just notice? It’s okay, you can let go of the self-berating and story-telling. It will still be there if you want it.
Instead, open your mind and heart, and simply notice.
- What is here? (Pause…feel…experience…)
- What do you know to be true?
- Without judgment, where is beauty?
- Without history, where is tenderness?
- For a moment, consider that you may not be separate from any of it.
Being one with life…effortlessly unfolding…
What About You?
What do you notice when you allow life as it is? What gets in the way of noticing? I’d love to hear… And if you’re reading by email, please click here to share in the comments.
A few announcements: I was interviewed about relationships by Bill Weil at LovePong.com. You can listen to it by clicking here. And I’ve gotten some great feedback on this interview at InspireMeToday.com. Finally, Jenny Li Ciccone interviewed me for her free series on A Journey to Joyfulness. You can sign up here any time and watch 21 wonderful interviews, mine is on Day 8.
Maryse says
I’m done fighting life.What a relief. A long road to get here but now life is magical. Acceptance and surrender yield the power to live life fully with joy and excitement. Nice to meet you through Jenny Li Ciccone.
Gail Brenner says
Welcome to you, Maryse! Yes to acceptance and surrender! It’s the end of the fight, the beginning of the deepest peace…
Lisa Kuzak says
Hi Gail,
When I let life unfold as it is, amazing opportunities come my way. They can be very subtle, or “whammo” big, but there is a feeling of being completely present and relaxed and deserving, and it’s almost like I’m watching a movie where these good things just keep falling into my lap. I feel like it’s the right time and the right place for life to present its magic…almost a predestined feeling. What derails this natural tendency is when I tap into any egoic concerns like fear, image, guilt…As long as I keep coming back to my open, peaceful, deserving nature, I seem to be led by some sort of wisdom and guidance to the serendipitous unfolding of the highest good in life, and the greatest inner reward.
need to keep resetting my faith in this, as I have a tendency tosend things off on a
Maryse says
I completely agree, Lisa. You describe beautifully what the magical flow of life when we stay heart-centered and open. Thank you!
Gail Brenner says
Hi Lisa,
It’s a beautiful blessed life to keep coming back to openness. Getting lost is not a problem – every moment is a moment of celebration, and when you realize you’ve been lost, that’s something to celebrate – because you’re home. Your attention may move into fear and image temporarily, but presence has gone nowhere and is always patiently waiting for your return.
Apryl says
Hi Gail, thank you for love and work.
Long short, I suffer fantasy addiction and often miss precious moments of life unfolding because I compulsively live in my head. It is my sorrow and current soul ache. I’ve been working on getting better and healing for 5 years now with this issue and yes, I get impatient and frustrated with the process because more than anything I simple would like to feel one with myself. To observe and accept life simply unfolding as it is seems to be work while the escape into the recesses of my mind seem to happen naturally. Through faith and positive affirmations, prayer, and allowing myself to be vulnerable and speak about this suffering, I hope the obsession and compulsion will someday either be lifted or dissolved . completely. I long to be one with effortless unfolding of life, one with self, and truly connected to others.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Apryl,
You don’t need the thoughts to go away, what changes is the attachment of your attention to them. Peace is not about excluding anything, because that is resistance. It’s about everything being accepted as is, and realizing that, from the point of view of pure presence, this is already the case.
I’m wondering if there is an unexamined feeling that is fueling this compulsion that you describe. So instead of staying locked in thoughts, when you realize you’re there, see if there is a feeling being expressed in your body. There are ebbs and flows to the mind. Try not to fight it, but rather simply notice when there is a sliver of light coming through the thinking.
The thinking you describe seems natural, but it isn’t. It is propelled by something, possibly fear. With a sense of ease, open your exploration to all aspects of your experience to see what you discover about it.
.
Sending love..
Isha Connelly says
I am so thankful for you …You have helped me tremendously in looking at problems and conflicts in a calm and peaceful manner ..rendering them down to a mere drop in the ocean of life . Saving my own precious life. THANK YOU. Safe travels
Gail Brenner says
I’m so happy for you, Isha!! Sending a big hug your way…
MyPeaceOfFood says
It is all joy, if you let it in. Joy, beauty, peace…things that can be hard to find in today’s society. Things we CRAVE if we’re being honest.
Assuming we know what others are thinking gets in the way. Taking things personally gets in the way. Worrying too much about what other people think. All of this is ego, but it has become so ingrained in us that we often don’t even realize it’s happening.
When I allow life as it is, I realize all of the judgments, all of the shoulds, they really do fall away. It’s easier to follow your own heart song. It’s easier to recognize the urges tugging at you (at least the small ones). I do feel like there are layers to this allowing life as it is, however…I know that “to the universe,” no request is too big…but to the mind, there are smaller and bigger leaps of faith. Larger lessons. Is it like a muscle that we need to exercise and practice on, to build up resilience or courage? (I think I can hear you saying, everything you need is right here…)
Gail Brenner says
Hi Peace,
Yes, this moment, whatever it looks like is perfectly designed for you. Maybe you can forget about what the mind needs and how it interprets what happens, and just notice things as they are. To the universe, there are no lessons. Everything is whole and complete in itself. Live there and the rest falls perfectly into place.
I love your realizing that getting some space from judgments, should’s, etc – just stepping the attention back and observing rather than being caught in them – makes so much difference. Beautiful to hear…
paul menard says
Gail,
Thank you so much for the audio version of so many of your commentary resources. The story of your train ticket reversal; sometimes we are coming and going, instead of going and coming (go-figure) but this is all good because serendipity unfolds when we least expect it to. The reservations we do confirm without thinking, bring on the consequences we must deal with at a very unexpected time; then the day of light becomes the light of day in Christ JESUS……THE FEARS are removed immediately! God Bless you abundantly!
Gail Brenner says
I feel your blessings, Paul. Much love to you…
kelly shifflett says
I recently had my mother visiting and its a challenge to adapt to the change of “routines” to accommodate her activity level, interests, etc. Feeling a bit more stressed than usual from the adjustments, we planned a morning of errands that had been neglected and tossed in a couple shopping stops for her after an oil change and inspection on my car, and then some nice stops at some favorite places on the way home from town. needless to say, the day did not go as planned. the plan of crossing off auto maintenance tasks, a little shopping, a nice lunch, and meandering home to spend the afternoon turned into a long costly car appt. while we were shuttled to a nearby shopping center, “lunch” from the grocery deli with all the ambiance of the bus stop bench where we found to eat it, not much luck shopping, and beeline home to rescue the dogs left unattended for hours longer than planned. I had in fact read this post sometime in the day or so before our outing and I’m grateful it was floating around in my head enough to nudge me to check in with just being with what was unfolding – even if it didn’t do it all that well at the time. I did my best to be in the moment and roll with it all – and honestly, though I didn’t do all that well, I can look back now and see some little “gifts” in the whole experience – gifts in addition to the MANY opportunities to practice patience, acceptance, and going with the flow! 🙂
Gail Brenner says
Hi Kelly,
Isn’t this normal life that we’re all so familiar with? When unexpected things happen, we always have a choice as to how to deal with them. That this post was floating around in your head and that you’re now reflecting on the experience are signs of a willingness to be present with all of it. And this aligns you just a little bit more with peace and ease.
Perfection is an idea in our minds. And when we welcome even that without resisting, accepting the imperfection of being human, here we are again, effortlessly being one with the unfolding of this moment.
Dellarobbia says
Hi Gail. Thank you so much for this post. It helped me through a very difficult visit to my parents. The challenge of convincing them that it was time to move to assisted living in Santa Barbara was daunting. And then the overwhelming task of moving them, 93 & 95, and all their stuff…the thought of this defeated me before I even began. And so I decided to just stop straining, stop trying to be in control (so counter-intuitive), and open to whatever happened. It truly felt impossible to manage and so I just opened my hands and waited for solutions. And solutions came.
I made a list of things to do and just started chipping away, not sure how it would work out. Like the unfolding of a beautiful fan, everything fell into place very very quickly. My parents shocked me by agreeing (having always before refused), the dates the moving company was available to do the work matched the move-in date at assisted living and the date we could get airline tickets (a big worry since we were moving in only 3 weeks). We will even be able to sit together.
Now I’m about to return to them for the job of actually packing and moving. I get overwhelmed all over again, but then I remember to breathe and open to whatever comes. I know now it’s all manageable as long as I stay present. Thank you for this powerful teaching.
Gail Brenner says
What a beautiful story, Della – recognizing the overwhelm and finding another way. This was the turning point: “And so I decided to just stop straining, stop trying to be in control (so counter-intuitive), and open to whatever happened.”
Pushing to make things happen is a message of resistance that leaks out everywhere, because in truth all boundaries are illusory. But when you stand in openness, there is a surrender, and trust, that is heard and felt to the depths.
Life has so much more to offer than our expectations, beliefs, and mental conceptions tell us. And the possibilities are grander and more intelligent than we could ever come up with, as you’ve just experienced first-hand.
Linda Winters says
There’s a distinct difference between driving my life with effort and underlying fear versus gently noticing the changing mystery of its unfolding magnificence. When I relax into the flow of life, it leads me to an unscripted adventure of subtle to amazing awe and connection, and so many times, the happenings are connected in synchronistic ways that defy coincidence. I am so thankful for my awareness of this facet of life, and it’s great to hear it from others.
so thankful for my awareness of this
Gail Brenner says
So beautiful to hear, Linda! We become so sensitive to that distinction between effort/fear and effortless unfolding. Then the contraction of fear is felt strongly and becomes a signal for the blessed return to effortlessness. And, yes!, so much unexpected synchrony…and gratitude…