âHappiness is simply to allow everything to be exactly as it is from moment to moment.â
~Rupert Spira
When we look closely enough, we discover that fear is at the root of our conditioned habits.
Take people pleasing as an example. Why do we need to please others? Weâre afraid of rejection, abandonment, or being alone.
And what about an addiction or compulsive behaviors? Behind them is a a fear of meeting deeply-held tender feelings.
If fear remains unexplored, habits will continue to play out in your life, over and over. Turn toward fear with love and care, and these habits will start to lose their power to control you.
Finally, youâll have space to live outside of themâŠin the land of freedom, openness, and infinite possibility…
The Inner Voice of Fear
Fear may not be obvious at first, so you have to look for it. It rarely appears in your face screaming, âIâm afraid!â It has other more indirect ways of showing up.
The voice of fear is all about no. It tells you that you wonât be successful, that youâre going to be rejectedâand it points out every negative outcome imaginable.
The intention of the voice of fear is to keep you safe. And it does this by making you terrified of going one millimeter outside your comfort zone. It doesnât want you to be bold and trust life.
Here is how fear speaks:
*It tells you what you should and shouldnât do.
*It traps you in doubt, going back and forth in your mind so you canât make decisions.
*It keeps your mind spinning in an ongoing flood of thoughts.
*It imagines the worst about the future.
*It questions your brilliance and creativity.
*It wants you to stay stuck in familiar ways of being, even if theyâre hurtful.
The fear voice is contracted and edgy and relentlessly tells stories about what is wrong and not okay.
What to do with the mind in fear? Lose interest in these thoughts. Donât believe them. Break up with them. Donât let them define you and your reality.
Fearful thoughts are all about limiting you and making you believe things about yourself and the world that just arenât true. Consider that there are endless possibilities to explore regardless of what the fear voice tells you.
Take a conscious breath, wake up to your experience right now in the present moment, and turn your attention away from these thoughts.
Without them, who are you? Youâre still here and alive in your full magnificence.
Lean into a vast space inside that is not inhabited by fearful thoughts. Become familiar with not being limited by them. Youâre opening to the full, lovely, boundless potential of you.
The Fear Body
Fear also shows up as physical sensations in the body. You might notice contractions, tightness, an energetic sense of unease.
Getting to know the physical expression of fear is essential to being free of it. Ignore these sensations, and fear will be running in the background. Meet them with loving awareness, and the stories of fear canât take hold.
Sit quietly, then bring your attention away from your mind and into the sensations in your body. Donât do anything with themâsimply notice them and allow them to be present.
Be unattached to what happens. Let the sensations be here as long as they want to, as they change, intensify, disappearâŠit doesnât matter. Youâre giving them liberating space to be.
The point is not to get rid of these sensationsâdonât see them as a problem to solve. The human body is built for survival, and these sensations help you stay vigilant so you can protect yourself.
But know this: meeting them in a field of welcoming awareness derails the pattern of fear from overtaking you.
~~~~~~~~
Unawareness keeps challenging habits firmly in place. And awareness softens. Get to know the inner voice of fear and the way fear appears in your body.
Every moment you welcome fear with conscious loving care is a moment of grace. You find yourself hereâŠopen, expanded, and overflowing with possibility.
Always in love,
Leela Ramdhani says
Dear Gail your post on fear is so timely for my life at the moment. I find myself on the cusp of some life changing decisions and the signs you identified are so visible — one of my biggest “fearways” is to 2nd guess myself đ I like the idea of welcoming the sensation as an experience and will keep you posted….the significance for me is how subtle it all is and that one has to grow one’s awareness to understand the physical sensation
Thank you – I find your posts profoundly useful
Gail Brenner says
Thanks for commenting, Leela!
When we welcome the sensations and our attention is on them, we can’t also keep thinking the content of the thought. The physical sensation is your direct experience of fear, and the thought is a fantasy. It loses its strength when you ignore it.
Yes, please keep me posted on how it’s going!
A.Zeghaider says
Hi,dear Gail:
In essence,you’re saying that in order to find peace,happiness…we need to ignore the illusory and false sense of the separate self,while welcoming all that arises in our awareness,but what about people with serious or less serious psychological issues,with survival issues,or people who have to struggle daily to “earn” their daily bread under harsh circumstances?
I don’t think their priority is happiness or peace,but survival first.
Their fear of not being able to bring food to the table is real sometimes,for example,together with the stress and anxiety that go with it.
We can tell them,ok,your fears,thoughts,emotions,feelings,….on the subject are not real,but they won’t buy it,’cause their fears of not being able to “earn” their daily bread is real.
When their survival is under serious threat,they have no room for anythingelse.
When they feel hunger in their stomach,we can’t tell’m that’s just body sensation that are related to unreal fears,thoughts…Can we?
Thanks.Cheers.
Gail Brenner says
Hi AZ
It’s all about what anyone wants – or needs. I don’t hold a value judgment that people should prioritize happiness above everything else. And I acknowledge the fears that you mention that someone might experience if they don’t have enough food to eat. I also know that the movement of life can be completely trusted. If we surrender our personal selves into that, there is no resistance and we’re one with unfolding.
People have been known to experience openings into their true nature in the middle of the worst of circumstances. It’s something that ultimately we can’t control because the opening itself reveals that there is no separate self that makes anything happen.
A.Zeghaider says
Wow,Yes.Surrender is the answer.
You rock my world,once again,dear Gail.Perfect answer.Thanks a lot.Best wishes.
RT says
Love reading your posts Gail because I learn a lot from them. In regards to fear I am going through a major change where I am leaving a marriage of 28 years and am leaving the family home. I can’t say fear hasn’t over taken me on so many occasions. Will I cope on my own? Will I cope financially? If I need help what will I do? (my family &friends no longer are there for me since announcing I was leaving my marriage) Will I be safe?
I know change is not easy and I don’t expect it to be, and I know this major transition has me questioning my life and myself as a human being. I feel I have been put in a position that because I don’t have that sense of security ahead of me, as I did in my marriage, that fear has stepped in and taken up some of my space. And must admit at times, quite a lot!
So everyday I look at fear by replacing the space it takes within me with things that I do have that are working for me. I think positive thoughts that make me feel safe and secure. And I try to release the hold it has over me through these thoughts and feelings by visualizing myself as the person I choose to be,strong,healthy and happy. The rest I leave to faith, to protect and guide me along the way.
Gail Brenner says
Hi RT,
I love how you’re working so directly with fear so it doesn’t overpower you. Something else to consider: maybe some of this fear is excitement about what lies ahead for you.
Sending love…
Eileen Spillane says
Hi Gail,
Thanks for the reminder of how liberating life gets when we face our fears, bit by bit.
Ahh, the freedom of letting go of people pleasing. As a nurse, that was an innate characteristic but now I am willing to disappoint another to be true to myself.
Gail Brenner says
So great to hear from you, Eileen! You are such a light!
Moving from being a people pleaser to one who is willing to disappoint – what a journey, but as you say, so liberating! I’m happy for your freedom!
Much love…
Marilee Krause says
Thank you Gail! Breathing again as I got to the end of this post, that easy inhale. With love and gratitude, Marilee
Gail Brenner says
So sweet, Marilee. That one relaxing exhale of letting go – so beautiful…
Figel Ilham says
Mr. Brenner
That is a very good post. I know how to overcome fear. But, when I try, it is very difficult to take out all the fear triggers in my mind. Currently, I am eagering to seek happiness too, but all the past has bothered me from seeking the joy. I don’t want any problem, I don’t want any conflicts from the past inhaled into my mind. Is there any self treatment such as sel-hypnosis or else to treat this problem?
Thank You
Gail Brenner says
Welcome to you, Figel! I love hearing about your fire for happiness!
You may not be able to remove the fear triggers from your mind, but that’s not a problem. What is important is what you do with them when they arise. As soon as you realize you’re afraid, take a breath, and shift your attention away from the thoughts and just breathe. These thoughts are distorted. They make you believe that scary things will happen, when the truth is that you don’t know what will happen.
A teacher of mine used to say, “Don’t touch it!” When the fear starts to come, don’t touch it. Instead, stay present and ground yourself in being here. The fear may come, but you have a choice over whether or not to make it your reality.
I have written a lot about fear and other emotions. Check out the archives here, and you’ll find some direction.
You’re on a wonderful path. Keep looking for the right answers for you, and you will feel the results.
Carol Newlands says
Do not let fear overcome your life. Do not let fear be the one to create who and what you are. Have the strength to overcome it and that fear will be powerless. It is important to recognize what you are afraid to in order for you to know what part of your life you need to change. If you are still trying you can’t consider yourself as a failure because you’re still in the process of success.
Gail Brenner says
Very helpful words, Carol. Thanks!
Jeffrey says
I made the error thinking that if I was just ‘more holy’, certainly the fears would disappear. So, I tried harder and harder to be ‘more spiritual’. Well, it (fear) got even more intense and impacted my overall health very negatively. Boy was that a hard lesson to learn.
Gail Brenner says
A hard lesson and a good one to learn, Jeff. We can’t make fear disappear. But when we meet it with acceptance and clarity about what it actually is, it loses its power over us.