“Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.”
~Rabindranath Tagore
Does your emotional life seem like a puzzle? We experience emotions and they bring suffering and upset to our lives. But somehow we know that it’s possible for them to move through us like clouds across the sky.
We are so much bigger than our emotions, and they can’t begin to define our true nature. Whenever you’re experiencing emotions, there is also something that is untouched by them, something that can hold them in a vast, loving embrace.
Our emotions—all of them—need tender loving care. And who best to care for them? You.
How to do that? Here’s a practical guide.
Emotions are given to us. They’re built into the human body. They’re an integral part of the experience of this lovely human life. And they’re here to be accepted and loved.
Sometimes emotions—the challenging ones like fear, grief, and anger—pass through like a light spring rain, and sometimes the weather is wild and stormy.
Don’t be attached to always wanting peace and happiness. When emotions visit you, don’t avoid them. Because you’ll be missing out on an opportunity for melting barriers inside you.
Openhearted Welcoming
Being with emotions is simple, once you get the hang of it. It’s just about letting the energy run through you.
- First you notice the emotion: You’ll say, “I’m angry,” or you’ll become aware of a wave of upset or unhappiness.
- Take a breath and pay attention to the sensations as you breathe.
- Then turn toward the emotion, and hold it in the wide-open space of being loving and aware. Let the sensations in your body be. Welcome the energy or power or agitation or numbness.
When your attention gets drawn into your mind and you’re grabbed by a lot of thinking, gently bring attention back to your body and breath. Don’t wish for your experience to be any different than it is. Just breathe, open, and let things be.
And when you welcome the emotion fully, you’ll feel it. You might sob or scream as it moves through, and this is okay. It’s being released and liberated.
Be with your emotion like this for as long as it feels right—maybe 30 seconds or a half hour or more. You’ll know. At some point, you’ll be moved to focus on something else or take some kind of action. You’re just flowing to the next thing.
When You’re Flooded by Emotions
When strong emotions arise, they can be overpowering. They take you over so you can’t sleep. They occupy your mind so you can’t focus on anything else. You’re distraught and out of sorts.
If you’re panicky, deeply feeling grief, or in a rage, you might find it too hard to relax and let the emotions be. Maybe they feel out of control and too strong. This is when you take a different approach that honors the emotion but gives you some space from it.
- Take several deep breaths, filling your lungs in the front, side, back, top, and bottom…then exhale.
- Soothe yourself physically by hugging yourself or stroking your arm or shoulder. As you do this, focus your attention on the sensations.
- Put your hand on your heart or belly. Take a few breaths.
- Try this grounding practice. Put your attention on the situation you are in and name what you’re perceiving. For example, go into nature and say, “the air on my skin, the birds chirping, trees moving in the wind.”
- And another grounding practice. Stand up and feel your feet on the earth. Feel grounded right where you are. Then breathe or name things or put your hand on your belly or heart.
- Reflect on what you really want for yourself in the moment, and say “peace, calm, relaxation, steadiness.” Repeat whatever words resonate for you like a prayer.
Once you’re not so overwhelmed, turn toward the emotion directly and let it in like the loved one that it is. It will untangle naturally when it’s met with love and acceptance.
Emotions run through you, but they’re not you. Let them come and go, and here you are—awake and alive in this very moment.
nandini says
Dear Gail,
This could not have come at a better time. My mind is a mess, but I am trying to focus on the long- awaited glorious sunshine outside, the cherry blossoms and the brilliant dandelions. I am also trying to take comfort in the meditation I’ll be doing shortly before I go for a walk. I repeated the words, peace, calm, but instead of relaxation, I inserted ‘wisdom’ because I do feel inadequate. Thank you so much for your always beautiful, uplifting and timely messages. I feel fortunate. Thank you.
Gail Brenner says
Sending love and support to you, Nandini…
shiny says
Thanks for your encouragement. I am interested to know know more and more. It is really inspiring
Gail Brenner says
You have an open mind and heart, Shiny…
Malcolm Cragg says
Hi Gail,six months after an unhappy parting from someone I loved,and I still spend some time each day in thoughts about it.Today I came across a photo,and my emotions were right back to that unhappy episode.I followed your advice,and experience the sensations and they do pass.Thank you for your emails,they have been most helpful.regards Malcolm.
Gail Brenner says
Malcolm, thank you for sharing this example of dissolving into presence. So simple to just experience sensations.
Lyndall O Brien says
I read it but don’t what wide open space of loving etc means.i cannot be loving to myself. Every piece of logical knowledge let’s me know I’ve failed as a human. I have to keep breathing, if poss for the last year of my younger child’s college. But I have no home, or any people. Apart from my kids who I have nothing to give to
Gail Brenner says
Every moment is fresh and new, Lyndall. You just start where you are. Don’t worry about the failures you think you’ve had. Take this moment, and if you can’t be kind to yourself, be kind to someone else, even if it’s just smiling at a cashier. Go out in nature and actually hear the birds. Take a walk and feel yourself on the ground. Try to be alive to your right now experience, just for a moment, without the filter of your self-beliefs. Start small, and go from there to begin experiencing your precious life.
Brad says
I would like to add that if I remain present in awareness of any feeling, however strong, without judging it, a purpose in it is revealed that serves the whole. If I feel the feeling over time rather than fight, flee, or freeze I am eventually inspired to beneficial insight and action.
Gail Brenner says
Yes, Brad. When we allowing feelings without judging them, we’ve shifted away from the story. Then who knows what actions will arise? And if we’re not attached, by definition, those actions emerge from and are part of the whole. They’re selfless and impersonal but so loving…
Great to see you here! Thank you for taking the time to comment.
Dhammika Abeysekara says
Dear Gail,
Thank you so much for sending valuable information. I knew I had to feel emotions. However, your articles and posts are the ones which enable me to do it practically I also like the photo( A bird going out of the cage) as I think it really shows the value of feeling emotions.
With love,
Dhammika
Gail Brenner says
I love that photo, too, Dhammika, and thought is was perfect for this post. Love to you…
artemis says
Hello dear Gail, I notice my emotions become powerful when I feel the pain of where I am at and what is happening to my life. To help myself get through because I know my life is a long process, I’ve started to say “I surrender”.
I surrender to what is ,where I am and what is happening in my life. It helps lift the pain I feel I am carrying. Some days I have learned that I just need to stop thinking about doing and taking care of myself. On these days I love to connect with nature and be outside to feel the cool air or sun on my face. I also place my hand on my heart to help myself feel I am here for “you” and it makes my eyes water because I can feel what’s inside. Every day has become a day of growth and guidance around me and for this I am very grateful to feel. So love your blog,thank you.
Gail Brenner says
Thank you for this, Artemis: “Every day has become a day of growth and guidance around me and for this I am very grateful to feel.”
What a blessed life!
Manik says
Dear Gail,Thank you for your most loving mail on Practical Guide to Loving Your Emotions. It is true ,
whenever i read your explanation at that time i feel relief and become confident , but i still some time caught in grip of fear ,self-compare ,inadequate
yes i am trying to welcome the ‘FEAR’ with love, but i don’t know how much i love with my feeling .
Respectfully i would like to mention my Fear,”
every time i become alone and thinking nobody nearby in my room or somewhere then i start to fell really fear of myself and
i start to feel nervous, my hole body start to become heating my heart start beating ,it like feeling nowhere ,then i open your mail and read your explanation
i feel relax and become normal and full of confident”.
it is seem like become my habit to feel like that whenever i be in such situation,
Yes off course i start to work on according to your healing process , but it seem really fearful to feel the sensation but i will must go through to found myself peach and inner power
With More Love….
Thank You
Gail Brenner says
It’s just sensation, Manik. See if you can take away all the meaning of these sensations and just let them be. Is a heart beating fast a problem? It’s only sensation unless your mind turns it into a problem.
You are such a beautiful truth lover with pure intention for freedom. So much love…
Eric says
Hi Gail,
I have such a difficult relationship with my emotions. I started my young adult life feeling emotions were irrational and I should ignore or power through them to some extent. Then I suffered a heart-breaking loss and tried to power through, but ended up in a very deep and long depression, the worst of which was a prolonged period of extreme numbness.
As a result now I pay attention to and feel all my emotions, but they are often horribly intense. I’ll try the things you recommend for that in the blog, and hopefully that will help and definitely I need to be better at coping with (and I suppose eventually loving) my emotions.
Your post didn’t really mention about sharing emotions with others. My experience has been mostly negative in that regard in that it just seems to ruin or harm my relationships. Is dealing with difficult emotions just something that has to be fundamentally done alone?
Gail Brenner says
Getting support from others can help, Eric, but ultimately the journey is yours alone. The emotions are your experience, and when you meet your own experience with love and acceptance, it begins to lose its power.
Running the story about the emotions is what makes them stick. If you’re saying, “That shouldn’t have happened” or “I don’t want to feel this way,” this is resistance and doesn’t help to clear the emotions. Be in the moment by forgetting the story. Be the vast space of awareness that welcomes everything with love, including the physical sensations. Be sky, and the clouds of your feelings will come and go without a problem.
Sending love and support…
J says
Hi Gail
I love this article.
When we feel emotions though is it also good to cry in order to release emotions, particular strong ones, so we dont create blockages within our bodies? Isn’t that another way to heal?
All the best. J
Gail Brenner says
Hi J,
Yes, certainly, if tears come, let them – not to wallow, but to invite that release in the body that you’re referring to.
And then when the tears stop, open fully to that moment.
Love…
Lisa says
For me it has always been fear more than anything else. Fear of being rejected and abandoned. Fear of not being dependent and not able to take care of myself. Fear of losing people that i love. I have lived my whole life based on fear.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Lisa,
I love that you’re reading through a number of posts, and it sounds like some insights are landing in you. There is a lot of support here for meeting fear with love and compassion – and not letting it rule your choices. As you know in your own experience, living in fear-based stories keeps you stuck and doesn’t allow you to live fully in the moments that are here – right now!
There is always a choice in any moment. When you’re ready, dip your toe into the aliveness here right now – beyond fear. The whole universe is here to support your journey back to your self.
Lisa says
Thank you, Gail. I actually seem to be suffering from PTSD, I guess. Didn’t really realize that before.
Jeff says
Great Blog article Gail. Spot on