“Transforming yourself is a means of giving light to the whole world.”
~Ramana Maharshi
I talk a lot about accepting your present moment experience. Someone recently asked what exactly I’m inviting you to accept, and I’m sure she isn’t the only one with this question.
- Should you accept abusive situations?
- Should you accept that you don’t know how to stand up to others?
- Should you accept that you’re single when you don’t want to be?
If you accept everything, does nothing ever change?
Accept and Welcome Everything
Acceptance is not about giving up and resigning yourself to staying stuck in painful situations. It’s not about putting up with anyone or anything and being miserable.
It’s a full-on welcoming of what is true right now that shows you where you’re stuck—and it paves the way forward to freedom.
Say you feel frustrated with yourself because you let people take advantage of you. If this is your experience, I imagine you’re suffering because of it. Do you just have to live with this way of being forever?
Here is what’s arising in your in-the-moment experience:
- The feeling of frustration, and
- The belief about yourself that you can’t say no or set appropriate boundaries.
Explore deeper into your present moment experience, and you’ll probably find a fear of rejection or of not being liked.
Putting any story about your feelings aside for the moment, the invitation is to fully accept the fear and frustration that are present. Without analyzing anything or trying to problem-solve, you simple open to the feelings that are here, sitting quietly and noticing the sensations present in your body.
If you offer this acceptance to your feelings for a little while, you’ll probably start to feel more peaceful.
Right away, you can see that the stressful feelings come from believing your thoughts. And when you put the thoughts aside for a moment and just be with the pure feelings, all is well.
Shining the Light on False Identities
If you’re suffering because you let others take advantage of you—or for any other reason—you’re living under a limiting and false identity that keeps you locked into relationships and patterns that aren’t working for you.
Deep acceptance of your present moment experience and the insights it brings is the opening you need. You start to recognize where your conditioning has taken hold—and how you can be more aligned with your true nature.
Wise Behavior Change
Accepting things as they are now, how can you shift to a more authentic way of being? You take bold and powerful steps infused with truth. This is wise behavior change.
- You can let the stories go and welcome your feelings.
- You can stay connected to your deepest desire to be free of conditioned habits that aren’t serving you.
- You can practice saying no to requests that make you uncomfortable.
- You can stay connected to yourself and what you really want rather than worrying about disappointing others.
A Fresh Beginning
Acceptance isn’t a dead end—rather it’s a fresh beginning.
You may not like seeing how you’ve been stuck in programmed patterns or that you’ve made choices that don’t support your happiness. But when you accept, you are opening the path to a truth-based way of being.
Like an alcoholic getting sober, you get fed up with the pain of your conditioning and vow to find another way that feels better. And there always is one.
This path of truth is fierce. If we want to be happy, we need to be honest with ourselves.
Acceptance of what is right now is the starting point to begin the realignment with truth.
Any comments or questions? I’d love to hear…
Brenda S Moore says
Sometimes accepting the right path when it involves another person may mean letting that person go forever or for a while if they are not good for you or if they are destroying themselves.
It is difficult to know when to let go/walk away/or let things just be the same.
Gail Brenner says
Yes, that is definitely the case, Brenda. These decisions aren’t easy.
One approach is to make sure you are doing everything possible to help move the relationship to a better place. If nothing shifts despite doing everything, you know that you either stay and accept it as is or let go. Keep listening inside and have compassion for your – and the other person’s – suffering.
Mari Beth says
Lovely post. You send such good, healing reminders! I live getting them in my email. Thank you.
When I’m upset or anxious about something I say to myself, “This is a moment of suffering. May I be kind to myself. May I give myself the compassion I need.” (That came from a book I read about self compassion, the one by Kristen Neff maybe?) I always feel such a sense of immediate relief after that. Then maybe I can go in to the steps you’ve outlined above to take it further to sort things out. (Then, maybe say the compassion quote to myself again if it brings up anxiety again. 🙂
Thank you.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Mari Beth,
I love that you’re experimenting to see what brings you peace. Love to you…
Diane Buccheri says
Perfect, in this moment now. I have begun to be conscious of this that you write about and you fill in the “how”. With many blessings to you!
Gail Brenner says
So glad, Diane! Blessings back to you…
stan says
At Last, the clear definition of what ” In The Moment ” means. Thanks
Gail Brenner says
You are welcome…
Brenda S Moore says
Good advice and thank you so much.
Rick Dolwig says
So Good Gail and so clear. Here’s to the fierceness of living in truth in each moment . . . . . . always.
Lisa says
All of my life I have had trouble with accepting things as they are. I have spent my life trying to fix things (people) that I had no power to fix. Right now I am trying to accept that my relationship is not everything that I would like it to be, and hasn’t been for a very long time. Trying to focus on myself for a change, and have faith that things will work out.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Lisa,
It sounds like you are now seeing things more clearly without trying to fix the things you can’t control. Yes, stay grounded in yourself and things will unfold.
Lisa says
Thank you so much for responding. It is hard to feel any hope because I don’t think my husband is ever going to be willing to look at himself and the parr he has played in the relationship. He wants to put it all on me.
Gail Brenner says
Then your work, Lisa, is in how you’re going to meet things as they are without trying to change him. I think you may have been avoiding experiencing the feeling of hopelessness by focusing on changing him. We start to find our way through, and get unstuck, by accepting what is. We may not like what we become aware of, but we get to live things as they actually are. And when we stand in truth, sometimes amazing things happen.
Lisa says
It has always been very difficult for me to accept things starting when I was a small child trying to fix my parents’ marriage. After that I was so lonely I got into a marriage with a guy who ended up being mentally ill. I barely got out of that situation with my life. This marriage has been a lot better than that, but there are certain things that have not been right, and I have not been strong enough to stand up for myself.