“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.”
~Albert Einstein
If you’re interested in finding freedom from automatic habits that overtake you, where do you start?
How can you begin to make the sacred shift back to yourself?
Just asking this question is an opportunity for celebration because it’s the beginning of a new relationship with your own experience.
Rather than being gripped by the patterns that arise in you, you’re ready to bring consciousness to them. You’re ready to move beyond same old, same old to a way of being that is fresh and free.
You’re poised to discover the stable field of ease and well-being that’s always available beyond any painful story of lack or need.
Whatever your pattern is—fear that blocks you, the need to please others, a sense of not being good enough, a tendency to criticize, compulsive behaviors or addictions—these arise in you, but they aren’t the truth of you.
How to meet these conditioned habits so they serve your awakening?
Find the Gap
If you look carefully, you’ll see it’s possible to find a gap between you and the thoughts and emotions that arise in you.
Instead of being locked into the content of your stories, notice your thoughts. Observe how emotions move in your body. Be aware of the urges behind your behavior.
Get curious about what these patterns are and how they bring about suffering.
And notice that the observing part of you, that which notices, is peaceful and problem-free.
Press Pause
When you’re caught in the energy of a habit, press pause. Habits are automatic and repetitive. They run outside of conscious awareness.
As much as you can, stop the momentum by pressing pause. Take a conscious breath. Look around you and deeply experience the present moment.
Feel the radical shift from the tension of conditioning to expansion into present moment awareness.
Now move from this sense of being fully alive rather than from the fog of conditioning.
Ask Questions
Forget the self-bashing and shame when you realize you’ve been locked into a pattern. Instead, with great kindness, ask questions. Be curious about the answers that appear.
- What is happening in my experience right now?
- What stories am I believing that may not be true?
- What can I surrender right now that isn’t serving?
- What am I avoiding that is asking for my attention?
- Can I open to what’s happening in my body right now?
- Can I stop, breathe, and simply be aware?
- What is most alive in me right now?
See how you can have a whole new relationship to your experience? You don’t have to mindlessly play out patterns that take you away from peace.
Find the gap, press pause, and ask questions. No longer stuck in the story, you’re here: awake, openhearted, and fully intimate with life as it is in this precious moment.
What About You?
What is your experience with these practices? Questions? Reports? I’d love to hear.
Lisa says
There is a lot to think about here. Having had the habit of compulsive overeating for most of my life, perhaps I should really try this.
Gail Brenner says
It would be a good step for you, Lisa, to begin to bring your attention to this habit. Let me know how it goes!
Sending love…
Jen says
Always look forward to my Friday emails. They are grounding, thoughtful, insightful and changing.
Gail Brenner says
So glad to hear, Jen!
Lorraine says
Thank you Gail. Sometimes it seems like the pause cannot be found as what seems mostly alive are thoughts of judgement and guilt and the belief in them. The questions are helpful.
Gail Brenner says
Good that the questions are helpful, Lorraine. Regarding the pause, think of what happens when you press pause on a video or audio. Everything stops – no sound, the story doesn’t continue, there is silence. Maybe that image will help you.
Also, pressing pause can be scary for some people, as you don’t know what to do or what will happen. If that is the case for you, let yourself meet the fear that comes when the judgments and guilt quiet down.
Rebecca says
Gail – I love your Friday messages so much. I can’t begin to tell you how much you have helped me. From one Skype visit, to reading your archives, and studying the Friday Inspirations, YOU have been such a force for recovery in my life…from all the way across the country! Thank you, Gail.
Gail Brenner says
I’m so glad for the path of your recovery, Rebecca!
Much love to you….
Lisa says
I really need to try this, also.
Gebremeskel Gebremariam says
Thank you so much Dr.Gail for your sincere kindness. Your letters have been very helpful, irreplaceable, inspiring, enlightening, empowering, as well as source of courage for finding the truest self being. I have immensely enjoyed them and have been waiting to read and try to contextualize them with my life, every other Friday!
Gail Brenner says
This is lovely, Gebremeskel! So happy for you!
Monae says
I’ve broken up with an ex over 3 years ago .. I’m in a new relationship for bout a year and 3 months and my ex been on my heavy to the point it’s taking over me and making me feel like so I still love him is he who I need to be with. My mind have me comparing my ex and current boyfriend and times I’ll talk myself out of it and feel better and he like no this is why I cut things off then it’s like my mind forgets and start to think stuff back up again and have me all over the place .. But I love my boyfriend so much he’s amazing to me and my parents love him . I just want this thinking to end and so I can move forward
Monae says
It’s like my mind is still holding on to something and it just won’t let go.. and it’s overwhelming
Heidi von Weitzer says
Thank you, Gail!
I think that these questions will be a huge motivator and aid to start my journey to quit smoking. Every cigarette I smoke, comes with guilt, anger, low self-worth, and yes, even anger.
After reading your blog, I decided to quit tobacco! I feel that it would be beneficial for me to sit down and to write the answers down. Maybe I come up with a pattern. It will remind me “you are doing it again.”
I feel like that I am loosing my best friend. However, today I will reduce the amount of cigarettes from twenty to ten.
Maybe some of you could cheer me on or even join my journey.
Thank you for being here!
Heidi
Gail Brenner says
I am cheering you on, Heidi! Good for you for letting a pattern fall away!
Jeff says
G – ap
P – ause
Q – uestion
Grrreat help! Gracias!