āAt the deepest level, there is no giver, no gift, and no recipientā¦only the universe rearranging itself.ā
~Jon Kabat-Zinn
Are you a giver? Do you burn yourself out taking care of other peopleās needs and trying to do good in the world?
This way of being isnāt sustainable. We end up losing our boundaries and betraying our truthāwhile thinking we need to keep giving. Itās exhausting!
We start out with good intentionsāto express love through our actions. But soon it gets messy.
- We resent it when our help isnāt received;
- We end up being taken advantage of;
- We fear we wonāt be liked;
- We donāt believe we have the right to say no.
Entangled in our personal needs, our happiness is attached to the results of our actions. Weāre not giving just for the sake of giving. Weāre giving so we can feel good, get approval, or confirm to ourselves that weāre the giver we think weāre supposed to be. Stuck in this mindset, how can we possibly feel fulfilled in lifeā¦and in our relationships?
This problem is rooted in limiting ideas that weāre inadequate or unlovable. And the solution is to know that is not who we really are.
True service emerges effortlessly through us with complete surrender of everything that defines our personal sense of self. This includes our beliefs about ourselves and the world, our stories, our expectations, and our attachment to any outcomesāall driven by fear and need.
Are you ready to move beyond these limiting ideas? Because none of them can begin to define the truth of your infinite radiance.
When we give freely, our actions are revealed by listening deeply inside to see how life calls us. Weāre moved by loveānot by beliefs or history, and not by what we think we should do. We donāt need to act to feel good about ourselves.
Actions of true service arise, uncaused, with no regard to the outcome.
Early on in my career as a psychotherapist, I was confused about what it means to serve. I felt frustrated when clients didnāt improve and, even though I was trying hard, I considered that maybe my skills were inadequate. It was stressfulāuntil I received the support I needed that changed my perspective entirely.
I learned to take my personal needs out of the equation so I could be fully in the moment with the person in front of me..intimate and unveiledā¦ All that was being asked of me was to show up completelyāempty, loving, and authentic.
Without attachment to outcomes or goals, and with no need to fix anyone, my joy for the work blossomed.
True service is not only about how we relate to others. Every moment of deep inner listening and surrender is service. In these temporary human forms, weāre here to be used in service to the undivided, to the flow of life, to how love wants to move.
And it includes everyone and everything. Itās the energy you bring to driving in a traffic jam, the way you chop the celery, the kindest ānoā that speaks whatās true for you.
Do you want to truly serve? Then be emptyā¦and fully alive in the now. Donāt carry forward your fears and beliefs that youāre inadequate. Then youāre available, wide open and curious, to know how life wants to move youā¦