Note: I’m happy to announce my new Facebook fan page for A Flourishing Life. Come on over, click like, and join the conversation.
“Of course there is no formula for success except, perhaps, an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings.”
~Arthur Rubinstein
If it happens to me, I’m sure it happens to you. Before I knew it, I found myself caught in my to-do list and unable to make decisions. My mind was flooded with “should’s”, and I felt like I was slogging through quicksand. Clarity and ease seemed a million miles away. Sound familiar?
Even in the midst of the fog, I never forgot this essential truth: it is always possible to find your way home to peace.
It is abundantly clear to me how little control we have. Thoughts show up, feelings appear, circumstances arise. We’re sailing along just fine, until all of a sudden we’re not.
But, as the saying goes, life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you. This means that you are not a victim of life. In fact, every experience is tailored for your awakening. Every experience holds the possibility of freedom from it.
- Being stuck is a short step from being unstuck.
- Unhappiness holds the key to happiness.
- Discontent is barely a breath away from contentment and ease.
It all depends on what you do with what you get.
If you’re off track, out of sorts, alienated, or just plain stuck, know that peace is possible. Apply these lifelines, then celebrate your arrival home to clear seeing, to sanity, to the fullness of being alive.
Accept things as they are.
As much as you want to change things to relieve your discomfort, what will help is just the opposite. Instead of trying to make your feelings go away, allow them to be. Stop resisting, and simply feel whatever you feel, even if it is painful or uncomfortable.
The end of trying to make something happen is the beginning of peace.
Be respectful, not harsh.
Rejecting or ignoring your experience is a kind of violence. It’s like slamming the door in the face of a new friend. When you push away feelings, you are divided against yourself. This is the cause of confusion and disconnection.
Instead of wishing for a different reality than what you are actually experiencing, meet yourself as is with an open heart. Lean into the difficult energies and emotions.
I know it can be challenging, and you are likely to resist. But take the plunge anyway. Breathe into the hardest places. Your loving attention is what will make them soften.
Let go of goals and plans.
When you have lost your way, goals and plans can take you deeper into darkness and frustration. Plans come from the mind, and letting them go brings you closer to being in touch with what is really true for you.
Set aside some unstructured time for being rather than doing. Ignore the whirlwind of thoughts in your mind and the pressure to accomplish. The trajectory of your plans and goals can wait. What you need is to stop and be quiet.
Keep it simple.
When confusion is in charge, keep it simple. Let the should’s and demands fall by the wayside, and don’t try to figure it all out. Simply bring your attention to your inner core. Listen with an open mind and see what you are guided to do.
Abandon expectations so you can hear clearly, as you may be surprised by what is offered.
Relax.
Relax away from the agitation, the uncomfortable feelings, the mental noise. It will all run its course without you feeding it with criticism or panic. If you investigate your inner workings with precision, you will see that when you relax with what is, when you let all the drama go, there is peace.
Let yourself relax. Be patient and kind. Move with rather than against. And here is what will happen. What seems like a problem becomes an opportunity. Resistance turns into inner transformation. Over and over, your struggles will guide you back to yourself, your essence, your true home.
What do you do to get back on track when you are lost? I’d love to hear…
Stan says
Hey, great to hear that you have a fanpage. I just “Liked” it 🙂
I think the first of your suggestions is the most important one. However it doesn’t mean we should not try to be better 🙂
Gail Brenner says
Hi Stan,
Thanks for liking!
I’m thinking that being better comes out of acceptance. My experience is that when I accept things as they are, there is a certain kind of clarity that shows me what actions to take, if any. So maybe both are true – accepting and wise action.
Emily says
Thank you so much for this post!
Gail Brenner says
Glad you find it useful, Emily.
David says
Thank you Gail,
Just like a breath of fresh air. I have been much more ‘accepting’ of late, am trying not to bog down with specific goals/plans but rather an overall framework to work within…..directional rather than goal specific…..keeps it simpler.
Thankyou,
be good to yourself
David
Gail Brenner says
Hi David,
It sounds like you appreciate the simplicity of not being goal-driven so much. Ahhh, so nice to relax away from goals. Then the reality of now is completely accessible.
Ken Wert says
Hi Gail!
This is such a wise statement: “Rejecting or ignoring your experience is a kind of violence. It’s like slamming the door in the face of a new friend.” We do very frequently treat others much better than we treat ourselves, don’t we! Thanks for this truly insightful post, Gail!
Gail Brenner says
I appreciate you bringing this up, Ken, that we treat others better than we treat ourselves. It invites vigilance, and renewing our commitment to telling the truth over and over.
Clare says
When I have drifted off track and am caught up in some wonderful or horrible thought process (or action), I am grateful that I recognize that I am off track and have the ability to start again. It is all about starting over, even if that is every day, every hour or every moment. At that moment, if I am able to, I will examine the feelings without getting caught up in them and the storyline. This isn’t always easy – to relax into these things, but it helps by getting me out of my own way and putting things back into perspective.
Gail Brenner says
Beautiful, Clare! We drift, notice, come back. It doesn’t matter if it happens 100 times a day. Each return is realizing we are always here in presence – we just forget sometimes.
“I will examine the feelings without getting caught up in them and the storyline.” This is the key. And sometimes it is hard. The mind wants to believe the story very badly. Patience and compassion will bring peace every time.
Bonnie Perry says
I came across this quote today, and it feels appropriate for this message: “I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship” ~ Louisa May Alcott. Sometimes a storm comes that gives us no other choice than to “relax and simply bring your attention to your inner core, listen attentively and see what you are guided to do”, leaving us no room to do anything else. As such, in retrospect, it is a blessing.
Gail Brenner says
I love that, Bonnie, seeing a storm as a blessing. This insight changes everything because each storm is seen as an opportunity to learn something new about sailing. It’s a matter of riding the waves – simple as that. We receive and flow…
Bonnie Perry says
I am finding that it is a complete myth that in each given moment we don’t already have the power to ‘heal’ our unique current life experience. It just requires a fresh perspective of openness.
marilee says
Gail, thank you for this post! It has helped me to take heart, face my current struggle, and move forward. Learning much and making lemonade over here! big love, Marilee
Gail Brenner says
I’m so glad, Marilee! As you are discovering, there is always a way through. Struggles can be our allies, the ticket to freedom.
Noch Noch says
indeed relax – i tell myself all the time now “it will be ok” when ever I start to stress!
Noch
Gail Brenner says
Hi Noch,
Just that simple phrase – it will be OK – can soothe the worrying mind and stressed body and bring you closer to yourself. I love the simplicity of it.
Chibi Jeebs says
Oh, how I needed this tonight/this week/this month. I’m going to bookmark it so I can come back to it. A lot. Thank you. 🙂
Gail Brenner says
Hi Chibi,
The universe is so abundant. I love how we get exactly what we need.
Love to you…
Mike Power says
Thank you for these insights. I found myself at rock bottom very quickly. Going from a very comfortable life to one of despair and desperation and poverty. The natural reaction is to try and get back what has been lost but this is usually impossible and leads to frustration and anger. Acceptance is the key.
Gail Brenner says
Thank you so much for writing, Mike. It sounds like you are being given some intense lessons. What to do but surrender and accept? As you probably have discovered, when we resist, we suffer. Acceptance allows us to connect with the wisdom that can see us through. Somehow, the light is always shining behind the clouds – it’s a matter of discovering it.
Sending love and support your way…