“I wish that every human life might be pure transparent freedom.”
~Simone de Beauvoir
I have come across a treasure trove of useful articles about relationship recently. If you are interested in deepening in your exploration of relationship, any of them, then be sure to take a look.
- From Sibyl Chavis at Possibility of Today: 30 Tips for a Great Relationship
- From Tess Marshall at The Bold Life: 25 Tips to Boost the Love Factor in Your Relationships
- From Jonathan Wells at Advanced Life Skills: 10 Timeless Guidelines for a Happy Relationship
- From Jayson Gaddis at Jungle of Life: The Most Effective Way to Deepen Your Relationships
You can glean just as much from these posts if you are single as if you have a partner. Because, as you will see, the ultimate relationship skill is to know your own triggers and learn to intelligently deal with them. And who can’t benefit from that?
The Necessity of Taking Responsibility
Pay close attention to what you bring to any interaction.
- Are you ready for a fight?
- Are you waiting for the other to satisfy your every need?
- Do you show up bored, half-present (which is not present at all), already thinking you know how the conversation will go?
- Do you try to help, save, and fix while sacrificing your own needs and desires?
None of this is about the other person. Holding up the mirror and seeing that the responsibility is yours paves the way for inner peace and outer harmony. You investigate how you get caught so you can be open, transparent, and available to intimacy.
A Common Story
I know whereof I speak when it comes to struggle in the area of relationships. Even friendship didn’t come naturally to me, let alone a healthy connection with a romantic partner.
Then I realized the futility of waiting for Prince Charming to show up at my door. That’s when I got down to business and began to meet my fears and emotional reactions with unflagging honesty.
I saw how I had not been the easiest person to get along with. I pulled out of need and pushed out of fear. No wonder there was so much drama.
Now my policy is this: I notice when I am triggered, then meet my expectations and emotions with curiosity and love. Ninety percent of the time, the trouble miraculously dissolves. No need for “the talk,” which is most often leaking our own unfinished business into the relationship. No more short-circuiting intimacy in the name of communication.
And, although I don’t think this has everything to do with it, I am engaged to the most wonderful man in the world (an unbiased view).
Relationship Is Opportunity
If you are single, use this time well. Read carefully: become the one who the one you are looking for will clamor to be with. Recognize the story of lack and realize there is nothing lacking when you tap into the fullness of you. This is a win-win situation. You get to be happy, no matter what.
And if you are with a partner, look first within. Clear yourself out. Make a lifestyle of not looking outside yourself, even to the one right next to you, for your emotional rescue.
Maybe you will be surprised, as I was, at how easy it is to love – in a healthy, sane, and sustainable way – when you come from a heart that is already overflowing. Take care of your own business, and you can love without attachment, honor and cherish while holding nothing back.
Where do you get stuck when it comes to relationships? What is your hook that needs your kind attention? I’d love to hear…