“The brain can only assume its proper behavior when consciousness is doing what it is designed for: not writhing and whirling to get out of present experience, but being effortlessly aware of it.”
~Alan Watts
“I just want to be happy and calm and not feel anxious anymore.” These are the words from a comment on a recent post, and I’m sure this reader isn’t alone. She goes on to say, “Is there any hope for me that one day the anxiety won’t even bother me at all anymore?”
Anxiety starts to lose its charge once you know how to relate to it in the moment when it arises. And this is very good news.
You don’t need to be concerned with anxiety disappearing forever. Once you bring acceptance and understanding to the experience of anxiety, it stops haunting you.
Remember that what you resist persists. If you go into the story of how you dislike anxiety, you’re resisting it. So do this instead:
- Take a few slow, conscious breaths;
- Center your attention in the peaceful field of simply being present and aware;
- Then open to the physical sensations you’re experiencing. Love them like your children and welcome them like a long lost friend.
The sensations of anxiety may still be there, but you’ve made peace with your present moment experience. This is how to come fully alive to your messy, scary, brilliant life—one moment at a time.
Mia says
Hello Gail, does this strategy work with every kind of anxiety – even with very intense anxiety?
I struggle with anxiety a lot, especially about my future which I presume to be sad, lonely and empty.
I know that resistance to anxiety is the real culprit, however: Sometimes even the physical sensations connected with this “story” about my future seem to be rather overwhelming.
Can I still be open to them and even “love” them as you suggest? How?
Gail Brenner says
Hi Mia,
It seems really important that you recognize that this thought process – that you’ll be sad and lonely in the future – is merely a projection of fear and has nothing to do with what may or may not happen. These are just thoughts in your mind – blah, blah, blah – and they really have no idea what will happen in your future. So it makes logical sense to let go of the story and welcome the sensations in the body.
There is an art to welcoming emotions. You might want to read this article, which addresses ways to handle feelings when they’re overwhelming.
In the end, yes, love your emotions. Welcome them in unconditionally, and in doing so, they lose their power.
Mia says
Thank you, Gail! I appreciate your reply.
I know that it makes sense to let go of my story but my thoughts make it seem so convincing. They say the probability is high that I will end up sad and lonely. They say I feel quite alone even now and it might only get worse. They say that there is not enough connection, there are not enough (hardly any) quality relationships in my life, etc.
What to do when my thoughts want to argue with me, so to speak? They just seem to stick to their story so fervently. How can I let go of this anxiety drama that seems so intense?
Also, do you believe it is possible that emotions might more easily overwhelm you when your body is weak(er) due to physical factors like malnutrition, illness, exhaustion, etc.?
I’ve tried accepting and welcoming my emotions many times but it seems to even have increased my anxiety and I’m wondering what I’m doing wrong … I think I now have even more resistance facing my emotions than I did before.
I’ve read your first book and many of your articles but I still struggle with finding peace.
I’m not giving up though – so thank you for your inspiration and advice!
Gail Brenner says
The truth about these thoughts is that you don’t know what will happen. These are fear-based thoughts that project an unhappy future. But they are just thoughts. They can’t possibly know what the future will bring for you. So it’s not logical to believe them, even though they are very convincing. So when they come, say, “Wait a minute.” Don’t just believe them. Take the time to work your way through and see that they are not logical.
But don’t replace them with better thoughts about the future. Instead, focus your attention on opening to what’s here right now. Take a deep conscious breath and open to presence. Realize that you’re aware and alive right now and focus your attention here. Do this as often as you can when these thoughts arise so your attention unglues from these thoughts. Here in presence, you are in the unknown about the future, and that is the truth of things. You don’t know what will happen.
Then, focusing on the now, meet others with openness and presence. Live your life fully now. If you would like more quality relationships, figure out what needs to change to have these in your life. You only live now, right now in this moment, so make this your fullest moment possible.
Your thoughts will stick to their story, that’s what they do. But you go outside the thoughts – to truth, aliveness, and natural intelligence – here you let yourself follow what is truly alive for you so you’re living fully in the moment.
Yes, it’s possible for emotions to overwhelm with physical fragility.
I think you may be welcoming emotions still with the story attached. Just welcome the physical sensations in the body. If thoughts come, “This is too intense, I’m overwhelmed,” these are just more thoughts. Loving awareness can hold everything with deep acceptance.
You have many wonderful questions, Mia, and I hear your true heart in them. I think it would help if we had a session together so you can have the direct experience of working with things in this way. Please let me know if you would like to do that.
Sending love…
Vijay says
Dear Dr Gail how to welcome sensations without associated story.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Vijay,
These articles may help you:
A Simple Practice for Being at Peace with Feelings
A Practical Guide to Loving Your Emotions
Patricia says
I had this very realization earlier today when it hit me how, basically, anxious I tend to be. I acknowledged and accepted the anxiety I was feeling, noticed where it seemed to rest in my body, gave it spaciousness to be there and then nourished it with all the room it seemed to need and my own essentially joy in being alive. I seem to be learning! Tonight I was curious what might be on the Internet about dealing with anxiety while in the process of awakening and came upon this post. How perfect! Thank you.
Gail Brenner says
Thank you for sharing this, Patricia. What a beautiful path you are on….