“Tell me to what you pay attention and I will tell you who you are.”
~Jose Ortega y Gassett
“Oh, what I would do to shut down my mind.” These are the words from an email I received from one of our readers here at A Flourishing Life. “I long for peace and serenity amidst the chaos of my life, ” she continues, “yet I am so quickly sucked back into believing I need to control everything. I am overcome by expectations and fears…and a whole lot of self-doubt.”
Sound familiar?
So here is the problem: You want to experience your life in a more peaceful way, but the endless cascade of thoughts seems to be running the show. You are left feeling like a victim, out of control, and longing for the contentment that slips so easily from your grasp.
You Can’t Stop Thoughts
If you’ve tried to stop your thoughts, you know by now that you have taken on a virtually impossible task. Attempting to stop thoughts is like trying not to think of a pink elephant. If you are thinking them or trying not to think them, either way they are still receiving your attention. And they can surge with a vengeance.
Here’s the good news: you don’t need to spend one more second trying to stem the flow of thoughts. Why? Because you can’t.
And more good news: There is one very important action you can take that will open the doorway to greater peace.
You can make a commitment to yourself to not get involved with the content of your thinking.
What to Do With Thoughts
If your mind has gone wild and you are disturbed by your thoughts, it’s time to get intelligent. Be wise, be practical, and see through to the truth of your experience.
Let’s start by recognizing that when you are troubled by thoughts, there are two things going on. First, a thought arises in your mind. And, second, you pay attention to it.
This understanding offers a very interesting possibility. Remember that your attention is like food. What you give it to is what will thrive. What if thoughts could appear without being fed by your attention.
Many thoughts pass through your mind in the course of the day that don’t trouble you. Why? Because you aren’t interested in them. They come…they go…no problem.
But some thoughts are sticky, as you well know. They beg for your attention, and you comply. They are alive in you precisely because you have given them attention. You think them over and over. You embellish them with:
- Fears – “Oh, no!”
- What if…
- Why me
- She should have or shouldn’t have
- If only…
Well, it’s time for you to take back control. And the control that you have available to you is to get uninterested in your thoughts.
How to do this? You must – in your mind, heart, body, and soul – be finished with the suffering that your mind brings to your life. With every cell of your being, say, “No more!”
Useful or Not?
When a thought appears, first, ask yourself: Is this thought useful? This, in itself, can be a powerful practice. Because you recognize how useless the vast majority of your thinking is.
Do the stressful thoughts help? The worrying ones? The regretful ones? The ones that criticize, judge, and divide?
Feel the effects of thinking these thoughts. How does your body feel? Are you happy?
When you tell the truth about the futility of most of your thinking, losing interest in it becomes the obvious, sane choice.
Losing Interest
If a thought isn’t useful, doesn’t bring you happiness, and disturbs your peace of mind, then lose interest in it. Here are some ways to do that:
- Turn away
- Throw it in the imaginary trash
- Just say no
- Drop it – like a hot potato
- Let it go
- Remind yourself that it isn’t helping you
- See that it is just sound in your head
- Take it in like it is speaking in a language that you don’t understand
- Hear it say, “Blah, blah, blah…”
- “I need to tune out my thoughts like my kids tune out my nagging” – the “aha” moment of our friend who wrote the email I mentioned above.
In fact, aren’t we all masters at tuning out exactly what we don’t want to hear? I know my mother would say I was very good at it when I was a teenager. Apply this strategy to troublesome thoughts and see what happens.
“I tried it, but the thoughts keep coming.”
It’s essential to remember that the goal is not to get rid of thoughts.
The goal is to not be disturbed by thoughts in any given moment.
Your thinking, especially the highly conditioned kind, may continue for a very long time. Trying to stop it saps your energy and leaves you right where you started – struggling with your thoughts.
If you commit to turning away from thoughts with every fiber of your being, they lose their power over you.
A rush of thoughts? No problem. Recurring stories from your past? No problem. Thought whirlwinds about what should or shouldn’t have happened? No problem.
Keep the fire for happiness brightly lit, and your focus remains right here in the now. Thoughts don’t pull you away, so you can be at peace in this moment, and the next and the next…endlessly.
The mind might say, “But it’s not working!” This is just another thought trying to grab your attention – it has no meaning unless you make it real. Let all your thoughts be, and you will discover the timeless presence of now that is eternally peaceful.
Where Does Attention Go?
Now that you aren’t interested in your thoughts, where does your attention go? This is the lovely part, where you discover peace, contentment, and the problem-free continuous flow of experience. Yes, it’s possible for you.
You can’t think your way here; it is discovered once thought has lost its domination over you. And this is what you discover – the simple fact that you are aware.
What is this awareness? It is aware, alive, and pure. It has no personality, gender, nationality, or even history. It contains no content itself, but it is not at odds with anything that arises in it.
Dive in, and see for yourself.
Turn away from focusing on any objects – thoughts, feelings, people, situations. What is left is being aware.
You are aware and always have been, and this awareness is You.
If you want to bathe in the river of peace, happiness, and love, see what is standing in your way. Lose interest in your thinking – all of it, and your self, pure and luminous, will be revealed.
Any questions or insights? Sharing is most welcome…
Clara Boza says
Very good advice. I’m one of those whose mind never seems to stop. Years ago, when I was going through a very difficult period in my life, I began going to yoga classes. Those sessions were the only time that my mind seemed to stop its destructive chatter. I didn’t know then that there were other tools at my disposal.
Of course, this is some of the wonderful advice that is simple, but not easy. It’s a continual practice (which, as I remind myself, is why it’s called ‘practice’), but so worth it.
Gail Brenner says
I appreciate hearing about your journey, Clara, and your recognition that dealing with an active mind is simple, but not always easy.
Really, this is all about happiness. When the choice becomes super clear, why wouldn’t we want to continually practice being our true selves – not the mind-driven self. Yes, it takes commitment, but the commitment is about peace that is deeper than the deepest peace imaginable. This is the understanding that can keep the fire burning.
Seth Mullins says
Hi Gail,
This is some wise insight – finding ways to re-direct attention and imagination rather than trying to combat detrimental thoughts head on. Acting like negative mental forecasts are speaking a foreign language – I think I’d really like to start practicing that one!
I find that usually the thoughts I can’t lose are the ones that echo strong internal beliefs. And its funny how those beliefs can seem silly when spoken aloud or otherwise dragged out into the light of day, but when they remain in my mind they weild so much power.
Gail Brenner says
Thanks for your insights, Seth. It’s beautiful to realize that strongly held beliefs create sticky thoughts. And, yes, the investigation of these beliefs shows them to be silly – and divisive. As we tell the truth at deeper and deeper levels, the potential for freedom from suffering becomes a tangible reality.
Combating detrimental thoughts doesn’t work, ultimately, because it takes so much effort and is not sustainable. When we can lose interest in thinking, it doesn’t matter if the thoughts are present or not and they eventually lose their power. Aaahh, freedom…
Barbara says
Great advice! I’ve been practicing this for some years now and there are definitely times when it comes more easily and those times are so peaceful. As Clara states it is continual practice, but so worth it!
I also find when I am going towards the habit of unnecessary worry that turning it over to God to take care of , brings instant relief and serenity! He consistently has my back and has always taken care of me ; )
Gail Brenner says
Thanks for this addition, Barbara. When thoughts come in like a tsunami, sometimes we just can’t do it ourselves. Surrendering the thoughts, the suffering, the effort, the longing – really surrendering it all – can bring a great deal of ease. There have been times in my life when I said, “Take it all!” It’s a great release of the burden we feel we are carrying.
Ellen P says
But I think Barbara is saying there is another presence there, an enfolding one, and it’s real. I think that’s what you are saying, Barbara? I’ve been reading through the comments, and I was just thinking about that– how Gail and others deal with God : }}
Whenever I try to communicate those experiences, it’s always too corny! 😀 Oh well, at least I got a few of them!!
Something to think about >: ))
But I am all with you on the dribble drabble. I am so tired of it! It gives me a headache : )
Gail Brenner says
Welcome to you, Ellen! Being tired of the monotonous mind activity is a good place to be. Then you are ready for something new – clarity, silence, peace.
These are so available when we take a moment to look deeply.
Arlene says
Gail, loved this post. I always share with friends (who I know will benefit) your posts as they seem appropriate. This has been a huge undertaking for me. My beloved husband passed away 4 years ago very suddenly. Although my only alternative to keep from going crazy has been to stop my mind from reliving every single moment leading up to that point. I can only cry out to Holy Spirit to give me It’s strength and try to move beyond my pain and quite my mind through sheer will. Always, it’s so hard. Even now, my tears come. When I think I have finally gotten it together, out of the blue, my subconscious stabs me with memories that overwhelm me. It’s to be a rest of my life thing I suppose. But I know what I have to do – put one foot in front of the other and stay the course. I am grateful for the Teachers that cross my path, and I believe you are one.
Thank you for your commitment.
Gail Brenner says
I’m sorry for your loss, Arlene, and I appreciate the report of your suffering.
As I read your comment, it seems to me that you are stuck, and I was wondering how you can get unstuck. You are alive, and you have a choice about how you live. What do you want for your life?
It seems like you see yourself as a victim to your memories, but I know that victimhood is a choice. Is this the choice you want to be making?
If you want to fully live, when the stories and memories come, have a moment of tenderness, but don’t feed them. You say that you have peaceful times, then the memories come again. This is not a problem in itself. If the memories are there, let them be there. They are only thoughts, and all the strategies I discussed in this post are applicable. Enjoy the peaceful times, but don’t be thrown off by the memories. They have a momentum that needs to wind down. But even when they are present, You – aware, alive, not separate, full of potential – you are here, undisturbed.
Choose peace every time, and your life will open like a lotus flower.
Love to you….
Ilissa Banhazl, MFT says
Great road map for learning how to shut down ruminating thoughts and worries! Ilissa Banhazl, marriage and family therapy in Glendora, CA
Gail Brenner says
Thanks for stopping by, Illissa!
Amy says
I feel that this makes a lot of sense. I am currently dealing with a great deal of anxiety, racing thoughts, feeling overwhelmed, fearful, etc. So the idea of turning away from the negative thoughts and focusing on the present and on positive things does seem key. I have heard so many things along these lines such as “what you think about, you bring about.” So here is my question/thought: What do you think of the school of thought that says until you deal with (heal) problems, for example a traumatic experience from your childhood, it’s just going to continue to resurface? This also seems to make sense, yet it’s the opposite approach in some ways. I can’t change what happened to me, I don’t want to dwell on it, yet “stuffing it down” and ignoring it don’t seem to work either.
Thanks for an interesting and inspiring article.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Amy,
You have asked a very important question, and I would like to write a post to give a thorough answer. I’m sure others have the same question as you. Stay tuned…
Love, Gail
Chris Akins says
Gail,
As usual, a very insightful and thought provoking (no pun intended) article. In my experience one of the keys to letting go of thoughts is taking a welcoming and accepting attitude towards them. What I mean by this is that it seems to me that when the harder I struggle to let go of a thought (or emotion for that matter), the harder it is to actually let it go. But when I welcome that thought or emotion in an accepting way, it is easier to for me to move on.
This, I think, is the notion of radical acceptance, and the notion that change comes easier through accepting than through fighting.
Gail Brenner says
There is so much intelligence in your comment, Chris. All this talk about fighting thoughts, getting rid of them, etc. It just doesn’t work.
Can we please all have a little more compassion for ourselves? When we stop the fight, we can just be, with ease and peace.
Radical acceptance includes ending resistance with everything. Then it is seen that thoughts have no substance whatsoever. When we separate out a thought and our thinking about it, we realize that thinking only energizes the thought. But when we can see that thoughts are nothing at all without our attention – they are simply appearances that have no meaning (until we give them meaning), the doorway is opened to an endless well of peace.
Maria says
Hi Gail,
Whenever I feel anxiety, I have a hard time to let go of thoughts. I feel like I really have to think them over and over as if they are very important. Not sure how to let go at that moment. I would really appreciate some advice..
Thanks,
Maria
Gail Brenner says
Welcome to you, Maria, and thank you for your question.
I have a feeling you may be farther along than you think. You already have some distance from your thoughts if you recognize that you think them as if they are very important. You realize that you are aware of the thoughts – they are not you. Take the perspective of that which is aware – the awareness. You might call it the witness or that which notices. See if, more and more, you can keep your attention there. Move attention away from the thoughts and keep it on the awareness. The more you make this shift, the easier it will eventually get.
Also, realize that there are physical sensations appearing. Recognize that they are there also, and let them be. Dwell in expanded awareness that includes everything as much as you can. This is where peace lies.
Sending much love and support…
Maria says
Hi Gail,
Thanks for the advice. Could you please elaborate some on how to keep attention on awareness? Even if I am aware, I am not able to let go of anxiety producing negative thoughts.
Gail Brenner says
It might take some practice, Maria, but that’s not a problem at all if your intention is clear and sustained. Know that in every single moment you have a choice, and the choice you make creates your life circumstances. You can choose to focus on thoughts or you can stay with awareness.
See the thoughts just like chatter that has no meaning – words in another language you don’t understand. They are just mental noise that do not speak the truth. The goal is not to silence your thoughts – you don’t have the power to make that happen. But when they come, don’t believe them or give them the time of day. Put them aside and stand in the truth of who you are that is silent, clear, open, and completely at peace. Live here, and the thoughts are no longer a problem.
David Stevens says
Hi Gail,
My mind goes crazy with thoughts quite often actually. You really need to filter what’s useful than what’s not though it takes a lot of practise. Id rather have many thoughts than none at all…thankyou for your informative viewpoint
be good to yourself
David
Gail Brenner says
It sounds like you are enjoying your thoughts, David – at least the useful ones! I trust that you, too, are being good to yourself.
Evelyn Lim says
Hello Gail,
I enjoyed reading your post. I absolutely agree that the more we try to stop thinking, the more we will have them. Instead, learning to make peace helps a lot more. We recognize the unwanted thoughts and allow ourselves to shift our attention away. We also try not to judge ourselves when having thoughts that are not helpful.
I like what you said about letting thoughts be. Great post!
Gail Brenner says
And I like what you say also, Evelyn, about letting thoughts be. You have stopped the fight with thoughts – good for you!
You have said it just right – when what we want is peace, we have the option of being peaceful always. Deep acceptance, continually saying, “Yes!” to the experience of now. This is endless peace beyond even the present moment.
Ellen P says
you say many beautiful things Gail, so beautiful it stops me : ) and then I move on 😀
Nor Aziah says
Hi Gail. I fully agree with you because I have been there. When I get carried away with my thoughts, I try to be more watchful of my thinking and just ignore any useless thoughts. But then, there are times when the emotion that comes with the thoughts (the regrets, the guilt, the anger) are so strong that the thoughts become so powerful and my awareness just faded away. My awareness comes back and take over the control only after my life has been chaotic and miserable. I begin to ignore those thoughts only after I realize how damaging they are to my present life and did not improve the past neither. Those are my tough moments.
Gail Brenner says
I understand, Nor. Thanks so much for your heartfelt comment.
When you recognize that the thoughts are related to emotions, and that the emotions make the thoughts more sticky, be so kind and compassionate with yourself as you investigate the emotion. You will find stories (thoughts) and sensations in your body. Don’t feed the story, and feel the physicality of the moment – lovingly. Be gentle in these tough moments, but keep breaking your experience down until you see the truth of it. Right at the heart of it, of experiencing it directly, is the peace you long for.
Cindy Aguilera says
Gail,
This is incredibly helpful. I`m wondering if you could please give me or write a post on how to deal with the most unpleasant sensations most of which come down to be this indefinable fear. The one strategy I`ve been using is: “Allow sensations to flow freely through your body.” But that one has grown stale.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Cindy,
Here is the next step for you. Eventually, the story of “the most unpleasant sensations” has to go. There is just This. Even calling them sensations is removed from the actual experience, which cannot be stated in words. When experience is experienced just as it is, there is no separation between the experiencer and that which is experienced. There is just This. To repeat, there is no person who is experiencing anything, there is just the reality that appears now. Let all words and stories go – all of them – and you will discover that all that is here is experiencing or “aware-ing.”
So there is no “dealing with” sensations. There is only the experiencing of whatever is present. This is Life, Flow, Being – completely effortless, completely at peace. Take yourself out of it – any idea of who you are as a separate self – and you will discover that everything is already here, perfect and complete.
Kadeeja says
So you are saying that the knower and the known are the same and there is only knowing. This I experience to be true. What further?
Gail Brenner says
What further? If you’re not happy and at peace, then there is something left to investigate.
Kadeeja says
One thought does not want me to move at all. It just wants me to stay silent in the now, alert and aware. Another says I am wasting time and wants me to push myself towards my goals. Inside it feels like a lot of heaviness and denseness especially in the back below the left shoulder and headache. The ‘content’ feels lost. Yet in awareness I am at peace. This is the reality of the moment.
Gail Brenner says
Kadeeja,
Your thoughts are simply word forms with energy attached. Don’t let the content be what guides you. These thoughts are not reliable expressions of the truth. Ground yourself as awareness, and take away all stories and experience what is as it is directly. This brings a great simplicity to your in-the-moment experience.
Galen Pearl says
Oh my gosh, that photo at the top shot a dose of anxiety right into my mind. That is a stressed out person! Good thing I had the article to read right away and calm me back down. See the thoughts glide by…. Whew!
Gail Brenner says
Love this, Galen! Seems like the photo drove the point home much more than one of a calm and peaceful person.
Beth says
The thoughts that I can’t seem to shut down are worries or sadness when my teenage children are experiencing tough times. My anxiety for them is so much greater than anything I experience regarding my own life. It is difficult to understand.
Gail Brenner says
Welcome, Beth. I can understand your reactions to your children going through tough times. They are a part of you and you love them and care for their well being. I’m not surprised to hear that you feel this way.
But if these feelings – worries and sadness – interfere with your happiness, then maybe they deserve a second look. Can you care about your children and also realize that they must live their own lives? We give our children a gift when we let them fall and pick themselves up again, when we give them the space to experiment. This letting go can be tricky, I understand. You are walking a very tender and heart-filled line.
In love and support to you….
Ali says
I’m on a healing journey from cPTSD, and I find myself pondering the difference between sayings like ‘acceptance of what is”, and “what you resist persists’.
I feel caught in a bind because I’m trying to redirect my thoughts away from negative thinking/stories of the past and stay in the present, so resisting what is (my reality), but if I accept what is, then aren’t I accepting the negative thinking/stories?
Hope that makes sense???
Please help me to get these two sayings in perspective.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Ali,
Beautiful question. I’m glad you asked for clarification.
If you look closely, you will see that there are different appearances in any given moment. You will experience thoughts, physical sensations, perceptions, feelings. If you pay attention only to the negative thoughts, you are not really accepting them, you are in a sense resisting the rest of your experience – or at least distracting from it.
If you let your attention move away from your mind and into your body, you will probably notice sensations and energies moving. If you keep thinking the negative thoughts, the body energy stays stuck. It gets tied up with emotions and you start spinning in a constellation of experiences that is familiar, but probably not comfortable or pleasant. Take away the thinking, and you are available to your direct experience. You are giving space for the emotions and sensations to be there or not – they are not being reinforced by attending to the story repeating in your mind. When you hear “what you resist persists,” it usually doesn’t refer to thinking. What we resist most are the more juicy and direct experiences of feeling and sensation. And we usually resist because we are frightened of them.
Same goes with accepting what is. It’s not necessarily just accepting the story of what happened. You are probably already beyond that point. But can you meet, welcome, and accept your experiences in the moment, even if they are challenging. Can you let the feelings and sensations simply be, without the story. In thinking there is often a doing – it is a way to avoid the rest of your experience. Being with sensations is just that – being. It is not fighting or avoiding, just being with.
Reality is what is stable, always here, and doesn’t come and go. If an experience is temporary, like a thought or sensation, it is not real. It appears and disappears. It is not reliable or abiding. It is simply an appearance. Reality is awareness. Are you aware? You will see that the commonality to every experience you’ve ever had – pleasant or unpleasant or neutral – is that you are aware. Keep your attention on awareness, and let all the experiences come and go. You, as awareness, are not resistant to or in conflict with any of them. Rest here, and you are at peace no matter what arises.
Hope this is helpful. Wishing you much love and support on your journey…
Kadeeja says
In deep sleep, there is nothing to be known and there is no knower. What happens to knowing then?
Gail Brenner says
Knowing is always happening with our without the conscious awareness of it by the mind. It’s the source of everything. In deep sleep, we’re not usually consciously thinking. Can knowing still be the fundamental source, the ground of being? Does life stop because you go to sleep?
Kadeeja says
What is this pulsating vibrating flow of energy, the awareness of which rises with the rise of the witness? How is it related to knowing?
Gail Brenner says
This vibrating energy, and all forms, appear in pure knowing, but are not separate from it. Ground yourself in what doesn’t come and go. This is timeless being. It takes time for forms to arise and for you to label and think about them. Pure knowing is silence, formless reality, unspeakable peace… But it is not “spiritual.” It is the living reality of now.
Sandee says
Such clear and wonderful advice – another important step in my journey towards healing and wholeness. Thank you so much for your insight.
Sandee says
I’ve been practicing these skills today in dealing with obsessive worrying and critical thoughts. They really are helping. Thanks so much for your insight.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Sandee,
I’m so glad to hear that you have been applying what you are reading to your own experience. This is what is going to be most helpful. It’s not just about reading and hoping. You are discovering that when you begin to work intelligently with your inner experience, you can see that happiness is here and available now.
Patri says
This is very nice. It reminds me of Emmet Fox in many ways. Loosing interest in your thoughts is not easy if there is no gap between the “I” and the thinking mind. Working on this awareness is key! Well worth it; like giving sight to the blind. Because when we believe to be our thoughts we are simply blind to who we are.
Nice also to see Seth in the comments above 🙂
Gail Brenner says
Hi Patri,
A warm welcome to you – thank you so much for stopping by.
Thought patterns are often highly conditioned, so losing interest in them is not easy. But little by little, it is possible. For me, it started after the fact, when I could see that I had been lost in a thought pattern. Gradually, I became aware of being lost closer and closer to when it occurred.
Yes, that detaching of “I” from the thinking mind. A question that has helped me is, “Are you aware?” Continuing to return to aware presence helps to decondition thinking. Ultimately, as I suspect you know, it’s not about getting rid of thought, but rather remaining as the presence that is never disturbed, no matter what arises.
Brandy says
I have always struggled with a racing mind. So many times my thoughts have led me to act impulsively which led to more discourse. I have become more reliant on prayer and will continue to do so, but this gives me an added perspective. Thank you!
Gail Brenner says
So glad you found this post helpful, Brandy. Appreciate your comment and your commitment to not letting thoughts take you away from where you want to be.
arjun says
Hi,
THis article is very useful.But I have question which I am not able to implement.
How to lose interest in some in ward thoughts. I want to lose interest, But My brain shows interest. it does not listen. Is there any scientific way to not to show interest.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Arjun,
I appreciate your question, and I’m sure many other people have the same one.
I suspect that there are already times when your attention is not directed toward your thoughts. You might be engrossed in an activity or simply joyful and happy for some moments. So begin to consciously recognize those spaces between thinking that happen naturally. There may be thoughts appearing, but you aren’t interested in them.
If you understand the suffering that attaching to thoughts brings, every time you find your attention in thinking, which will definitely happen, reconnect with this understanding. Instead of being frustrated that you were thinking once again, have that be a moment of celebration when you “wake up” and realize that freedom from thought is possible. More of these moment starts to break the conditioned attachment to thinking.
The mind/brain is highly conditioned to think, but there is way more to you than thinking. Notice the moments of peace and effortless well being. Be very patient with yourself, keep the fire for awakening burning, and orient your whole life toward what you really want. The power of this alignment with reality will eventually wear down the habit of thinking. How do you know? You feel happy and joyful.
Feel free to let me know how it goes.
arjun says
Hi,
Thank you somuch for the quick response.
It is nice of you.
Sorry for prolonging my question and reply to your response.
Here is my question:
The practise of detachment of toughts and accepting the thoughts is powerful way. It helped me a lot to reduce the rumenations and also inward thoughts some what.
Now I am at a stage where I get inward thoughts and show interest. ( I know that inward thoughts does not have power, the interest in inward thoughts make them powerful).
Option 1) If I try to practise to interupt the inward thoughts is a forceful way and mindful way , this requires our constant attention through out the day.
Do I need to go by this approach
OR
Option 2 ) Do I need to consider following way .Interest in inward thoughts is my problem. I have created it.Let it show interest but be mindful and don’t do any thing. slowly and slwoly it will loose interest. But it may require lot of patience and mindfulness that and accept that My mind will show interest.
This is where I get confused always. ( approach to not show interest in inward thoughts) . Please advice either option 1 or option 2.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Arjun,
Applying effort to lose interest in thoughts is to tiring, as you might already know. I might suggest an approach in the middle of options 1 and 2. It’s useful to remember throughout the day to be aware that you are thinking and shift your attention to presence. But be light about it and very kind to yourself. Make it a simple shift with no drama or personal criticism.
Interest in thoughts is not a problem you created, so blame isn’t helpful. It is only a product of conditioning. Until we stop and reflect on what is actually going on, thinking is just what we do. But when you bring consciousness to the process of thinking, as you are doing, you can see how thinking doesn’t serve. It’s a matter then of letting go of the doing of thinking and connecting with the place of being and allowing. When you notice your attention has gone into thoughts unconsciously, simply let go and allow things to be as they are. Shift your attention to presence, the now, the awareness of this moment. Here is no trying and no doing. Simply be the aliveness that you are.
arjun says
Hi
Thank you so much for taking interest to reply to message.
Your advice is valuble. Especially the last paragraph.
arjun
Pat says
“What is cannot be what is not”
What is done cannot be undone, like Humpty Dumpty. This being said ,
why the should-haves persist I attribute to not having found solutions. The chatter is so persistent that I’ve grouped my thoughts into categories- Long / short term tenants and squatters. The long and short terms are respectively goals that are yet to be achieved and those forever lost, the squatters, feelings of guilt and regret are the hardest to be rid of always screaming their right to be there after such long occupancy.
I’ve not yet found my path and constantly berate myself for being blind and deaf to opportunities Spirit has given me yet I see my experiences as necessary, though for what, I’m still awaiting the unfolding. I feel that seeing my experiences as necessary is a cop-out yet deep down I cannot believe that the Universe is ignorant of my intention of being able to discern i.e. be aware.
It’s said that in every experience there’s a lesson and I feel stupid that I still have not learnt; this thought of denseness is one of my squatters. How to rid myself of this unwanted has been my burden for quite a while.
I know,without a doubt, I am Blessed and being guided (coming up on your blog was not an accident) many revelatory answers to other questions I’ve had, epiphanies they’d probably be called yet my directions are like the wind I cannot see.
I’ve been daily practicing awareness but the physical world always seem to intrude on the spiritual, again, I seem to dwell on that which cannot be changed or what my next move should be. Forgiving myself is the hardest act of forgiveness I’ve encountered.
I feel guilty for having wasted so much time, this because I think at this stage of my life my path would and should have been defined if I was more aware. Your post mentioning “Opening to Life” made me teary it resonanted so much in my being. I am or should say have been (I intend to practice acceptance) one of those people who questionand resented my disappointments .
Your post and the accompanying comments are so insightful I gives me hope.
A thank you for your posts seems inadequate but as it’ s said there are some things that language cannot express.
Gail Brenner says
You have a very active mind, Pat, like so many of us! It has drawn your attention into sad and frustrating stories and these have become your reality. This realization that you seem to seek has nothing to do with any thoughts that might appear in the mind. It is about the direct knowing of who you are – and who you are not. You are not your belief systems or identifications or past history. They appear as congealed energy in the totality of you.
Shift your attention to awareness, that which is aware of these thoughts and feelings. Don’t focus on these objects and try to make them real. Instead, let go of all mind activity – don’t stop it, just don’t engage with it. Be the awareness that all arises in, and realize that you are the brilliance that shines everywhere. It is impossible for the physical world to intrude here because it is the truth of you that is eternally undisturbed.
Don’t spend another moment on guilt. Instead focus your good heart on what you really want.
ZAHRA ABD says
This was Life changing !!! Thank you so much. All I believed was there would definitely be something that could cure those stupid meaningless thoughts and I was right.Thanks again for taking time out and writing this…. Although I still want to contact you through e-mail or any other means available. Can you please state your e-mail address so I can contact you.
Thank you so much for this !!
Gail Brenner says
Welcome, Zahra! I’m glad you found what you were looking for in this article. You can reach me at [email protected]
Love to you…
Ganesh Biswal says
I diverted myself from the bad thoughts from the past and engaged myself in a religious meditation center where I get peace that I was always dreaming of.
Thankyou. You have certainly changed my life.
Gail Brenner says
You are welcome, Ganesh. It’s beautiful to realize peace.
Gautham Kumar says
This is an useful article. But some insults anger mistakes occurred in past repeatedly affects my studies daily. I can’t overcome this and could not concentrate. Please help me.
Gail Brenner says
There is a lot of help in this site for a problem like this. Please check out the archives. Keep reading the articles, as the message is consistent. Lovingly meet your direct experience. Expand your awareness beyond the troublesome thoughts and feelings. Fill your life with things and people you enjoy. Have as your highest intention the possibility for peace.
You are on a journey that is not always easy. Others have walked this path and have come to peace (I am one of them.) Commit to investigating your direct experience so you can find out what is false and what is true. Then you begin to find peace within.
In love, support, and service…
Fatin says
Thank you for this. Every point you said just made me go “Yes, do this now.” I needed this and so, thank you very much. (‘:
Gail Brenner says
You are so very welcome, Fatin!
Daniel says
Forgive me if I am being obtuse, but here goes:
I read your article for help out of my own mental hell, and I think I almost get the idea, except taken literally it almost seems to say, “Just stop thinking. Not thinking helps you be at peace. When you think, you invite mental strife. So just don’t think.” And I imagine the stereotype of a person who achieves and understands little in life, just happily going along without a care in the world despite the dangers around them, all because they choose to not think. When someone tells them of a problem they need to solve that is actually their responsibility, they block it out because it brings strife, and choose ‘not thinking’ instead.
But I don’t believe that’s what you really meant.
So can you address the converse? In other words, when is it okay to think? To use thought? This is coming from an engineer: I think for a living.
Gail Brenner says
I love these questions, Daniel, so here goes. I’ll try to break it down for an engineer’s mind.
Stopping thoughts and thinking is next to impossible and takes herculean efforts to even try to make it happen. So my suggestion is not to stop thoughts, but to lose interest in them. To understand this, do some experiments with your attention, and notice that you can choose what you pay attention to. So if you’re thinking a lot, and I say, “Put your attention on your breath,” you will pay attention to the sensations of the inhales and exhales and for those moments you have withdrawn your attention from thinking. So that’s the first principle: to move your attention away from thoughts and toward something more affirming – your breath, the objects around you, any physical sensations in your body. Doing this a lot softens the grip of paying attention to your thoughts.
Second, and this is related, thoughts consist of an energy form appearing in your mind with content attached. The only way the content of thoughts has meaning is through language. We take the meaning of thoughts to be so important and true. We take them for granted and assume they’re telling the truth. But many thoughts are random or they come from old conditioning, and they don’t accurately describe you, others, or the situation. For example, fearful thoughts always project a negative future. And the truth? These thoughts don’t know what will happen in the future. So when we believe them and take them as real, we’re buying into false ideas and making them real – and we’re suffering. This needs to be investigated, call it a micro-investigation into thoughts.
As one who doesn’t put a lot of stock in thoughts, I can tell you it’s partly about merrily going through life without a care because thoughts bring a lot of unnecessary trouble. But when something happens that needs my attention, I have so much more space to see it clearly quite quickly and respond because my mental space is not taken up by ruminative thinking. And as I flow with life without thinking about it too much, there’s something natural that’s present and alert and available to respond, and I have come to trust this implicitly. It’s also a more open and loving way to be, as my attention is not caught up in thinking about myself and irrelevant things. I’m actually IN my life actually experiencing what’s happening – be that joy or grief or the movement to help. So not using thinking too much as a tool to live doesn’t at all mean you block out what’s happening. In a way, thinking is a defense, it withdraws you away from what is here. By not relying on thinking, you’re actually here with what is – and I find that joyful and interesting no matter what it is.
And what about the usefulness of thought? Big yes on this. Thought as a tool is wonderful! It makes so many amazing things in our world and helps us navigate. But best for thought to have its rightful place – as a practical tool. But not as the benchmark for what is real and true.
Happy to hear your “thoughts” about this!!
Eugenie says
Hi Gail, love your articles and your books. I need your advice on this issue.
Whenever I hear bad stories about relationships- people breaking up, cheating etc. it makes me feel very anxious and worried.
Even though I have no reason to be, then I worry if I think about it, it might happen to me (from my reading of the law of attraction he secret), then im fighting with my mind trying to not think bad thoughts for fear I will cause it to happen..silly I know:(
Any suggestions how to not let bad stories from others affect me?
Thank you
Gail Brenner says
Hi Eugenie!
Thank you for your question. My answer is pretty much covered in this post. We can’t stop our minds from thinking thoughts, so you can give up that fight. The true and lasting solution is to lose interest in the content of these thoughts. If the thoughts are bothering you, your attention is intertwined with their meaning and you are believing them. Losing interest means shifting your attention away from these thoughts. Take a breath, look around you, and/or do any of the things mentioned in the post. Also, keep coming back to the body to welcome the physical sensations that come with anxiety.
Thoughts, as you know, take you away to the regretful past and scary future (what if’s). Living according to what they tell you will never bring you peace. Only here, in the space of presence in which everything arises, is peace. When your attention rests here, the content of the thought doesn’t affect you.
This is a radically different way of thinking because it’s not about fixing the problem of thoughts. It’s about shifting your attention in the moment so the thoughts lose importance. Thoughts are the clouds passing through, and you stay open and clear like the sky.
Eugenie says
Thank you Gail
Mark says
A very well written piece that I would recommend to everyone.
In my own experience of ‘fighting’ anxiety the simple act of moving ones attention has proven to be extremely powerful.
Throughout the day I regulary attend to where I am – the ground beneth my feet, the chair under my backside, the mouse in my hand, the breath in my nostrils. It requires very little effort and can be done without the fatigue that plagued me early on when I thought I should be fighting my thoughts constantly.
Something useful I’ve discovered is that you can litererally take the emotional energy of any unwelcome thinking and use it to change the subject – my mind seems quite happy to go from some imagined lecturing anger directed at some imaginary person and use that energy to give a lecture on ‘the best way to peel a potato’ instead.
I can stand back and watch it saying ‘No! no, hold it in your left hand, Your left hand dammit! Look at me – you don’t need to wash it! peeling it will remove the dirt!!! You idiot…blah blah….’
Becasue there is now a gap and what it’s saying is ridiculous I can let it go without doing anything. It doesn’t cascade into new thoughts and new anxieties. It just fades away (because it’s not worth attending to).
Many thanks for the article.
Gail Brenner says
And many thanks to you, Mark, for your clear description of the practical living of this deep peace. This is exactly what I mean when I say that freedom is always here and available.
Anastasia says
The thoughts that I can’t seem to shut down are that i was adopted and my real mom got hit by a drunk driver and i don’t know my real father because he left when i was born .
Gail Brenner says
Hi Anastasia,
Thank you so much for sharing the story that keeps catching you. What I have learned from experience is that shutting thoughts down doesn’t work. We try to do that, but they keep coming back.
So instead of trying to get rid of thoughts, think about making friends with what you’re experiencing. I suspect that what comes with these thoughts are strong feelings/emotions. One way of pulling your attention away from these thoughts is to bring loving attention to your feelings – feeling them, breathing with them, and letting them be present. Here is an article that may help you with this: https://gailbrenner.com/2016/05/loving-your-emotions/
You might also bring your attention to your present moment experience, naming the things around you in your environment: Seeing a tree, a table, hearing sounds, etc.
The idea is to disconnect your attention from the story. This way you don’t have to get rid of the thoughts or shut them down. They can be there, you are just not showing them interest with your attention. I hope you find this helpful.