yes is a world
& in this world of
yes live
(skillfully curled)
all worlds
~e.e. Cummings
Not accepting things as they are is a fight against reality. It’s kind of crazy, really. Say that someone said something hurtful to you. You can wish they hadn’t said it forever, but the fact remains the same—they said what they said.
Say you did something you regret. You can wish you hadn’t done it, which could keep you stuck for a long time, but here’s the truth—you did what you did.
The problem with wishful thinking, wanting things to be different than they are, is that it’s agitating. It resists what’s real and keeps you ruminating and analyzing to try to make sense of it so that you feel better. But it doesn’t work, and it won’t bring you happiness.
It’s liberating to know that there’s another way: accepting things as they are.
What Is Acceptance?
Acceptance isn’t passive. It doesn’t mean that you’re resigned to a life of unhappiness, just putting up with things. Yes, you may accept that you feel anxious or eat too much junk food or you’re in a relationship that’s not working. But it doesn’t mean you’re stuck in these situations forever.
Accepting things as they are is a beautiful starting point that opens up possibilities you may have never considered.
- It lets you build a foundation for your choices and actions based on truth.
- You’re authentic and real rather than pretending or living in a fantasy about how you wish things were.
- It offers clear seeing and insight that you’ve overlooked by turning a blind eye or keeping your head in the sand.
- It empowers you.
- It’s the path to a deep understanding that can guide you to the part of you that is whole, free, and untroubled.
Acceptance is the opposite of avoidance or denial. It’s a full-hearted, all-encompassing, enthusiastic and curious “Yes” to things as they are. It is open, welcoming, and ultimately freeing—like a breath of fresh air.
Are you resisting life? Then consider dipping your toe into the ocean of acceptance. It’s a beautiful place to be.
How to Accept
Acceptance is taking an honest look at things as they are right now. You let go of judging or interpreting. You don’t need to add the layer of feeling like a failure or victim because of the situation. Rather than turning away from what is, you turn toward it and receive what’s here with great compassion and understanding.
Here are some examples:
- You can live forever waiting for an apology, or you can accept that it probably won’t happen.
- You can continue with a habit that doesn’t serve you, say you drink too much, or you can accept that this is the reality and explore the underlying feelings.
- You can keep procrastinating, or you can admit that you’re scared.
- You can wish you had made different choices, or you can accept that you’re in the situation you’re in.
The Sacred Shift to Accepting
I invite you to feel into the profound shift that acceptance brings. Let’s use the first example to illustrate: you feel someone has wronged you and you’re waiting for an apology that’s not coming.
If this is you’re mindset, you’ve given up your power to the other. You’ve decided that the only way you can let go of the situation is to receive an apology, which is something you can’t control. And what is your inner experience? Bitter, sad, and resentful. You’re caught in thinking about the past a lot, and you’re fully missing everything that’s available to you now—the beauty and wonder of this now moment.
Shifting into acceptance, here’s what changes:
You acknowledge what happened in the past and you realize you’re keeping the past alive in your thoughts and feelings. So what’s true right now are your thoughts and feelings about the past, not what actually happened.
New possibility: Instead of repeating the same story over and over in your mind, can you welcome these feelings, lovingly, just as they are? Can you see that, in their pure form, they are just the energy of physical sensation and let them move through?
You accept that the other person has not apologized. No one knows if that will change in the future, but for now, the apology isn’t happening.
New possibility: You thought you needed this apology to feel at peace, but now you’re open to exploring other ways that you can control.
You realize you can be present with your reactions.
New possibility: You change how you relate to this whole problem by finding the deepest space of acceptance within to let your present moment experience be as it is. You notice that your experience comes and goes, but this space is always here, deeply accepting, your sanctuary.
No longer stuck on this problem, you’re available to the rest of life. It’s been here all along!
New possibility: You realize you can enjoy yourself, and you’re receptive to what’s here, seeing yourself, situations, and other people with fresh eyes.
When you decide to accept, you enter the world of authentic living. You see things as they are. You consider your options and choose wisely. You’re no longer willing to stay stuck.
And acceptance brings with it some secret, surprising side effects. Make it a practice to accept what is, and effortlessly, you’ll feel relief. What used to bother you is dealt with immediately. You’re spacious, peaceful, open to others, kind to yourself. And you find clarity in your choices moving forward.
You can spend your energy denying, defending, and avoiding, or you can accept. The choice is in your hands…
What About You?
Have you been denying and avoiding? What have you discovered when you shift to accepting? Please share in the comments—it helps everyone… And if you’re reading by email, please click here to comment.
Note: Please click here for information on our next live meeting in Santa Barbara.
MyPeaceOfFood says
Hi Gail,
I especially love this part: “New possibility: You change how you relate to this whole problem by finding the deepest space of acceptance within to let your present moment experience be as it is. You notice that your experience comes and goes, but this space is always here, deeply accepting, your sanctuary.”
Finding that deep space is so important in any moment, accepting the chaos of trying to get the kids ready and out of the house or accepting a failed relationship for what it is without trying to change it. We are a culture of change and self improvement, and I live there, perpetually in that state. But I think you only know you’ve fully accepted something once you stop trying to change it. Another mechanism of resistance to that is when I know OTHERS think I need to change something, so I can’t show them that I’ve accepted things as they are because they still expect me to change, and I immediately get defensive in my head: “Don’t you see all I’m doing? All I’m working to change? I could list my efforts to you (inserting examples here). Everything I do is for this, for you, for us.” But that is never enough for the other person.
Another clear tell for me when I haven’t fully accepted something is that it still feels or sounds like work to do the accepting. When I know that, in acceptance, there is ease and peace.
Gail Brenner says
So much wisdom here, Peace. It’s beautiful.
This perpetual perceived need to change is exhausting! And unnecessary once we understand the perfection in things being how they are. And this is not about our individual personal selves. It’s the whole that’s perfection, and, as you see, we have little control over it.
You are so right – we can’t change others. We can’t make them do what we want or stop them from telling us to change. And that asks us to accept our own defensiveness and frustration or any other reaction. Then what they say matters so much less, and we can walk our own path with grace and humility.
Satish Kandukuri says
Hi Gail,
I have been a long time reader of this blog. I should say you write most profound things in a simplistic and lucid manner. I feel like am meditating when am reading your articles.
I have been through a lot of turmoil over the course of last two years about rejection, helplessness and guilt. Initially I tried to go cold turkey and said to myself ‘these things happen in life’ and trample those feelings. But I failed fatally to come back to life and fell apart in every possible manner.
I think somewhere we all know that things will be fine if we give it some ‘time’. But to control the temptation of ‘feeling sad’ about that something that was/is important isn’t going to happen in a day or two.
Lately I have started accepting things as they are. But nevertheless I feel anxious and excited intermittently. To me personally its been a very slow process, but when I have decided to accept the reality, my vision is clear from what it was back then. Am definitely a better person now and laugh at how I reacted to certain situations. 🙂
Gail Brenner says
This is so sweet, Satish, and an inspiration to all of us. It’s beautiful to hear how you are gradually turning to meet your feelings and accept reality as it is. If feelings are here, there is no point, really, in resisting them. It only makes things more complicated.
But a simple “Yes” to feelings, situations, reactions offers the clarity to move forward with intelligence. I love that you can laugh at your old reactions!
Julianna says
As a long-time reader, I get a little boost of encouragement whenever I see that you’ve published a new post, even before I read it. Today was a little different, b/c your post went to the heart of my day.
I just returned from an eye doctor appointment where the discussion had been whether or not to have a fourth major eye surgery. I was slowly, not very successfully, working through accepting that this situation is going to go on for longer than I had hoped or anticipated, and that the long term prognosis was not as good as I (or the surgeon) had hoped or anticipated. I was feeling pretty sorry for myself and just plain tired. Your post helped me to realize that I could have those feelings (I need to accept them as well as the situation), but move through them instead of pitching a base camp there.
I’m not big on synchronicity, but have to admit that your post couldn’t have been more timely or accurate if we had been sitting together chatting over a cup of coffee. Thanks.
Gail Brenner says
It’s just like sitting over a cup of coffee, Julianna! I love how you aren’t fighting feeling sorry for yourself and feeling tired. There’s so much ease possible just allowing the feelings to be and not battling them. And you make a good point about not “pitching a base camp there.” We want to allow the feelings, feel them, but not contribute to the drama or embellish them. It’s the middle path that doesn’t avoid, but makes a loving space for them to be seen and move through.
Silvia says
As always, your article is a big call for conscience in a world of unconsciousness, for love in a world of hatred, for acceptance in a world of resistance and rejection…
Thank you! It’s always important to be reminded…!
Gail Brenner says
Hi Silvia,
There may be a tendency for the world to be unconscious and rejecting, but it’s up to each of us to commit to living with truth and authenticity. This is what makes everything matter – we are all part of the whole, so if each one of us deeply accepts and lives in loving receptivity, it affects the whole.
Grace says
I really like this “The Beauty and Ease of Accepting Things as They Are” so much that I can’t believe myself posting a comment. I’ve been stuck for a long time in blaming myself, things that I should have not said but I said it, what if’s questions, waiting for the person to apologize. Honestly, I just tried accepting things yesterday, the way things are, and yes you can feel the empowerment within you, it is tough, but I’ll keep on trying and this is very helpful! It just confirmed that I’m doing the right thing. Looking forward to a peace of mind.
Gail Brenner says
This is wonderful, Grace. You can get stuck wallowing in self-blame, or you can accept the truth, and as it says in the Bible, the truth will set you free. It allows you to move past the past and live fully now. This is empowering and can only lead to peace of mind. I’m very happy for your insight.
artemis says
Hi Gail, I find when I have feelings of feeling stuck your email comes along to help me.
I do believe “accepting” plays a bit part in coping,making the issue a lot less of a struggle and helps you look at other options.
Accepting my marriage was over and that I would be going through the separation alone was not easy but I have accepted it. I built myself into a stronger person and see a bright and happy future ahead for me.
But how can one maintain being strong during “acceptance” when things still haven’t changed or until things change .
Like two and half years.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Artemis,
I’m happy to hear that you have truly accepted the end of your marriage and that it has allowed you to be stronger.
If there is something you can change, then change it. If not move toward acceptance so you can be at peace. I wonder what changes you’re waiting for – sounds like things you can’t control. If there’s nothing you can do, maybe you can let go of waiting, and instead allow things to be as they are. Then if there are any changes to be made, it will become clear.
artemis says
So beautifully said Gail, let go and allow what I can’t change and make changes when there are.
Wonderful advice,thank you.
Bles says
On Friday, August 1, 2014, my mother died after a long illness. It’s difficult to think she died and my reactions were as expected when you lose a loved one — sadness and pain, but relieved because she was no longer suffering and in pain. Memories of her rushed into my head and my heart, those happy moments and my struggles with her. I will miss mom terribly but what eased my pain is accepting the “it is.” Accepting that we all die, that your loved will be in a better place and there is no place for “if I only…..” I cried my eyes out, after which I felt weakness in my entire body, as if my heart exploded, so much tension. There was no denial, no resistance, no going back. My mom’s happy memoroes were only those I remembered and treasured. I am sending my mom off with my wishes of eternal love in her safe journey to where she will be peaceful and happy. She will be buried on Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Gail Brenner says
This is true acceptance, Bles. It doesn’t mean that you won’t have feelings or that things aren’t difficult. But it does mean you don’t fight with reality. “No denial, no resistance, no going back.”
Thank you so much for writing here at this tender time. I’m very sorry for your loss and hold you and your family in my heart.
Sunny says
Dear Gail
Lately I have come to realize that there is little I fear more than succes or the feeling of acomplishment, there is so much safety in being a screw up that if I succed in one area I deliberatly fail in another, this is probably because I connect succes and acomplishment to feeling happy, and unfortunatly feeling happy rings a bell in my mind that says death is close. Now, normally no one is less afraid of death than me, I have no doubt that it is the sweet reward after life, I work for people at the end of their lifetime and deal with it all the time, but, my beloved mother, who lived wishing she never was born due to a horrific childhood,having depression and anxiety close to her all her life, then got the chance to die due to serious illness, but chose to fight and live, barely got over that and finaly found joy in her life, and then the illness attacked full force and took her away in under three weeks from first symptom occurred. From this something in me interpreted that happiness, being a natural state of success, is lethal, and yes, I know the interpretation is stupid, never the less it is stuck in me. Knowing depression and anxiety well myself, I suppose I feel safe closer to their land rather than happiness. I do despise the world for not letting my mother have a longer life after she found happiness, and I find myself putting life aside to avoid having the same destiny. I do not mind death itself, but I have a few life around me that I would like to stay with for as long as possible. So to avoid feeling that I risk being taken from them I do none of the things that are my dreams and skills, I hide 90% of who I am, and when I try to fight it and succed in one area I deliberatly fail in another, or generally choose procrastination as my number one skill….now its not the only reason naturally for making me keep my self back, but it is the most emotional one. So when it comes to acceptance, do you have any advise Gail, I never had the time to mourn and dont even feel like I can due to most of her life spent wishing for death….I do have a lot of experience in feeling the fear and do it anyway, but it only solves small areas of my life as I will soon find another area to sabbotage to keep safe. It is so stupid and exhausting, what do I accept so that I can live the way I want, creative and caring? Any thoughts Gail?
Love Sunny
Gail Brenner says
Accept all of it, Sunny. To be able to write with so much insight, you know exactly what’s going on. Your deeper wisdom lives right in the part of you that has this insight – not in the fear of happiness or in the need to sabotage success. It sounds to me like you are living in, and believing, some distorted perspectives that are taking away from your happiness.
There’s no magic here. Procrastination ends in every moment that you choose fulfillment over fear. You live in your aliveness when you shift from the story-telling about what has happened to choosing happiness/success/ease now. Who knows how long any of us will be here on earth? Instead of thinking of the big picture, can you make the choice to make every moment worth living? Instead of ruminating about death (which I understand from your history), inhabit what’s fully alive.
Sunny says
Thats brilliant, because the big picture causes me nothing but stress, the fact that I cannot bring myself to succes in all key areas in life actually makes me think very low of myself, and if I do anything good I can never enjoy that since there are so many other problems awaiting to be fixed, but that just keeps my mind away from the present, I will do my very best to choose every moment and think of life as a painting, forever growing with every pencel coat. But one other thought got me with the words big picture, my mom could have lived her entire life without joy and wanting to be alive, and I tell you nobody made it easy for her to find it, I suppose I should see it as the ultimate achivement for her to find life joyful! Amazing what sharing with you can turn around, tomorrow I will start with a pencel coat and give no attension to what it will bring to the picture, I will just enjoy to paint, thank you Gail, you are an angel : ) Love Sunny
Gail Brenner says
I’m happy for you that you got this point, Sunny. The only thing that’s real is now. That’s where choice is. Everything else is distraction.
Love to you…
Lora says
Dear Gail,
I’ve been following your blog for a while and i must say it’s so helpful. Thank you for all your beautiful work.
I have something to tell or ask i’m not sure but i’m a little stuck and need help. I’m stuck with my boyfriend’s ex girlfriend. I know this sounds stupid but it’s been here for 10 months maybe more. It all started with the loss of my mother-in-law which we were really close. After her death i felt lost, alone and kinda forsaken. Then i started to supress my feelings and change their way towards ex girlfriend. They had a very long relationship and nearly got married. I can’t stop thinking about her, what they’ve done together, how much he loved her and cared for her, how he hold her hands and look at her and say ”you’re beautiful” like now he says to me. He doesn’t see her anymore, he has never seen her after the relationship ended and it’s been 3 years from now actually. He doesn’t even remember her but i keep judging her, i keep compare myself with her and so on. This thoughts are really hurting me and our relationship. I love him so much, i don’t wanna lose him this way. But because of these thoughts i always feel depressed and angry, actually i don’t feel like myself anymore. How can i overcome this? I read all of your accept the past writings, when i read them they are very meaningful however i can’t practice them in daily life. Please show me a way.
Thank you.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Lora,
I hear the story of why you are stuck. I don’t mean to be dismissive, but the truth is that it doesn’t matter what the story is, why you’re triggered. Here’s the truth, you have a frequent emotional reaction that causes you to be stuck. That is your starting point that simplifies things. The problem isn’t the story about the ex, so, really, you don’t need to give that any more of your attention. But what does deserve your attention is the way this shows up in you – in your thoughts, emotions, and sensations in your body.
You say, “I read all of your accept the past writings, when i read them they are very meaningful however i can’t practice them in daily life.” Then you want to be shown the way. This IS the way. If you want another way, then you might be able to find it elsewhere. But I’m consistent in what I talk about here, and it’s about meeting your direct experience with love and acceptance. It’s about recognizing that you don’t have to identify with your thoughts and feelings and have them be your whole reality.
There’s no easy fix to happiness, but it is a simple choice. In the moment, choose peace. Decide to stop resisting. Read relevant teachings and apply them to the moments of your life. If you read through the comments to various posts, you will find beautiful, amazing reports from people, just like you, who have done just that—and now they’re happy and free.
Want peace more than anything, and that’s what will begin to show up. Be inspired and committed to your happiness, and you will discover that the way is right here, so available, in this very moment. You are already whole and free. You’re magnificent beyond measure. Shift your attention to what’s really true, and you’ll find everything you want.
With so much love and support for true happiness….
amit says
the picture , the guy with dog, the waves n soft sun rays speaks all, no need of words.
Vickie says
I see a mirror of Byron Katie’s teachings here. Difference is, you make more sense out of it! Thank you!
Gail Brenner says
You are so welcome, Vickie!
lhen says
Hi Gail,,,i just randomly searching some topics and im happy to see read all blogs in here ,,i learned a lot from your very warm advice…it open my mind to the reality of our life,, how accept everything that goes in our daily lives and not to stuck in the past…it was really amaze me now i starting to learn to move on for all the sad things happen in my life and relation.. thanks Gail for this knowledge you share for us…God bless u more…. 😉
Gail Brenner says
I’m so glad you found your way here, Ihen! A heart full of love to you…
Abeeha says
Hi Gail,
First of all I would like to say millions of thanks for sharing such amazingly helpful articles. I also have a suggestion and request if you could put some videos demonstrating exercises on relaxation. I have listened to your audios and they are truly amazing.
Gail Brenner says
Thank you, Abeeha. I’m happy to meet you! I do have a plan to offer some short videos, so stay tuned…
Abeeha says
You’re welcome! That is great to know.
Phumzile says
Hi Gail:)
Thank you once again such a beautiful article.
I love how you explain this “Acceptance is taking an honest look at things as they are right now. You let go of judging or interpreting. You don’t need to add the layer of feeling like a failure or victim because of the situation. Rather than turning away from what is, you turn toward it and receive what’s here with great compassion and understanding.” -Very powerful!
I’ve realised that frustration often comes when we try to control things for which we have no control over. Like you say for example waiting for someone to apologise before we can move on, and that is really giving up our own power and freedom.
I would like to share some insight from Iyanla Vanzant on surrendering.
“In a state of surrender without attachment to how or when things must occur, we become receptive and obedient to the inner voice which may offer opportunities and possibilities which were not considered.The greatest demonstration of surrender is in the choice not to indulge toxic emotions (e.g., anger, guilt, shame, etc.). To surrender a negative emotion requires acknowledgment that it exists and the choice not to allow it to control thought or behaviour…”
Much love
mary therese says
It a challenge to not add that layer of judgment/evaluation/commentary to the situation but to shift the perception and recognize it for the choices that are available. Wishing that things were different IS agitating and digs me into a deeper and deeper rut of negative self-definition. Thanks for the validation and the push to make a change.
Gail Brenner says
I’m glad you posted this, Mary Therese. Some of these thinking patterns are strong, and it’s not so easy to let go of them. Seeing that wishful thinking is agitating and breeds more negativity helps you to raise your awareness of it. When these thoughts about wanting things to be different enter your mind, you can take a breath, then make the wisest choice you can in the moment.
João says
Lovely Gail,
How wondering is that I encounter this article now. I just came from a pilgrimage of 450 km, and went through several states of mind (mostly very low…). Finally, after many km, I looked for the first time at a painful situation from my past, without avoiding it, and miracle, I accepted it!! Now I can remember it without pain!.
Since then the word “acceptance” is constantly in my mind! It feels like a true pandora’s box to me! Amazing!
Thank you very much for your post, it helped me to create a stronger base for it!
Gail Brenner says
Wonderful, Joao. I’m guessing you walked the Camino, and I’m happy to hear you let it move deeply in you.
Loving acceptance will always take you to peace…
stephane says
Hi Gail I have had a life suffering with mental illness. Now I have difficulty accepting my state of being and have not felt inner peace for ages. As I go along I noticed I do not have control over anything. How do you surrender to what is.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Stephane, and thanks for writing and for your question. Take it one moment at a time, as this is the only way to be at peace. In this moment, take a breath, don’t believe the thoughts and stories running through your mind, and see that everything is OK. Then go on to the next moment. Keep it very simple. You don’t have control over most things, but you can take a breath, breathe out the tension, and notice that right now, things are OK. Bring your focus to what you can control, which is how you relate to what’s happening right now.
Stephane says
Thank you
Tiffany Sanborn says
so amazing.. I am the single mom of twin girls who are entering their senior year in high school. I have been having a really hard time with this realizing that a year from now things are going to change for ever.. looking back at time I wasted with regret.. (should have spent more time with them etc).
Last night as I was driving home from work I realized that no matter how much I cry, kick, scream or stare at the past .. it is not going to bring it back for a do over! They will never be 3,5, or 8 again.. no matter what I wish or hope. I realized that if I tried accepting this as fact.. I could be more at peace in the moment and spend time and enjoy them NOW.. as they are still here! I also need to remember this when I get all freaky about next year and trying to stop it from coming.. That I am future tripping . It is not here yet.. today is here.. and that is where I need to be!
This article completely reaffirmed what I realized yesterday! So glad I found this site!
Gail Brenner says
Beautiful to hear from you, Tiffany. I love your insights. Yes, enjoy your time with your daughters NOW! Sending love…
Tiffany says
I love that when you comment on these articles it appears in my in box.. I just reread this article and it reminded me of all the good in accepting.. the change I wrote about above is now weeks away, and reading my comment from last year I am much further along than I was!.. However, still slip here and there so this is a great reminder:)
Gail Brenner says
We all benefit from reminders that happiness and peace are so close, Tiffany! It’s the brilliance of life tapping us on the shoulder and reminding us that we are already free….
Niranjan Shukla says
Thank you for such a nice article. I am a self described creative person. Creativity at work comes by habit of seeing things differently and criticism of status-quo has been one the triggers to seeing things differently.
However, criticism of status quo is a barrier in enjoying the moment and life in general. How do I accept things the way they are, yet be as creative at work?
Gail Brenner says
Can you be different without criticizing, Niranjan? Can you confidently walk your own path as it opens to you without worrying about other points of view? Criticism comes from the mind, and creativity arises from the space of no-mind. Don’t give your mind much attention, and have space for creativity to flow.
Subbanna R says
Really nice article with great insight towards life
Thank you..
Gail Brenner says
So glad you liked it!
Erin L says
I have recently stopped resisting life as it is and started to embrace accepting life as it is.. and, the changes are felt so much. It’s truly life changing. I’ve struggled 20+ years with anxiety, and when i finally felt and understood how much I was resisting and how much it was adding to my suffering – it’s like I put down the weights and it’s been so easy to move through my day. it almost feels like i’m shocked at how much i was fighting before and how different life feels in such a short period of time. i hope not to forget it but, when i do, i’ll remind myself again. Thank you for this post.
Gail Brenner says
Thank you so much for posting here, Erin. What you describe is always possible for all of us. It’s a bit mysterious, isn’t it, how this letting go happens. For you, you deeply understood the suffering that comes from resisting – and you didn’t want that anymore.
I’m very happy for your ease and freedom!
Emmy says
This article really spoke to me! I have a pattern of going out of my way to please a guy the more poorly he treats me. Once I feel a man pulling away or being rude to me/using me/taking me for granted, I want to fix it/change it – will do almost anything to keep him. But how different it all becomes if I simply accept that the man may indeed leave me. Its an odd shift in thinking that somehow gives me the power back. I don’t feel the need to do backflips for a guy and, as such, my self respect and self worth remain intact.
I’m in the midst of being ghosted (new term for me but essentially I’m being ignored). It is hard because it was a pretty serious relationship, I don’t understand why this is happening, and I still love him very much. BUT I’m going to try right now to accept that I may never hear from this man again (& also accept for reasons I may never know). Accepting this gives me strength. My brain feels more calm & at ease. Thank you. 🙂
Gail Brenner says
Maybe even consider celebrating that he left you. Clearly, he is not the man for you. Now you’re open to finding someone better matched for you.
anne hooper says
My 3 siblings rejected me for various reasons. I had been unable to accept their abusive / neglectful/criminal behaviour towards their children. I reported them to the authorities after repeated attempts to improve the situations. For 20years the pain has been awful to be alone. For some reason i don’t fully understand i finally am able to accept what has happened. The relief is like floating and peaceful. I put myself in a prison of despair loss grief and confusion i feel that i just got the key to let myself out of the cage i built of hurt and resentment. I do not know if anyone will ever read this.If you do take heart and i send much love if you have had a similar time.xx