“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
~Albert Einstein
There is always a way out of your personal suffering. Always. In any moment, you can stop, investigate your experience to see what’s false and what’s true, and live the truth that you are. This is what’s always available to you.
We’re experts at living the lies that we tell ourselves―that we’re limited and inadequate, that we need a relationship to be happy, that our judgments of ourselves and others are true.
But what about living the truth? Do you need to wait for divine intervention to live fully? Are happiness and joy not in the cards for you?
Your true nature, who you really are, is infinitely loving, overflowing with possibility, impossible to contain. You are the brilliance that lights up everything.
- Do you melt when you hold a baby? It’s not the baby; it’s the transparency of love that’s so incredibly sweet.
- Are you in awe of a beautiful sunset (like the ones we’ve been having in Santa Barbara lately)? It’s not the sunset; the beauty that is naturally you is right here to be seen in the outside world, with no separation.
I was in Starbuck’s this morning with tears in my eyes at the kindness all around me. It was the one heart seen everywhere.
For most of us, this awareness of the truth of things is hidden. We get distracted by our worries and dramas. We’re stuck chewing on thoughts in our minds, while we’re missing the full-on, juicy humanity and presence of the moment.
So here are some reminders. Living the truth of the way things really are, the way of happiness and peace, is not “spiritual.” It’s practical, tangible, and available to you right now. Align yourself with the essence of life with these heartfelt practices for a spiritually connected life.
Have no personal agenda
If you have an axe to grind, if you’re waiting for your needs to be fulfilled by others, you’re standing squarely in your personal self, and you’re suffering. Rather than pushing your agenda, switch your perspective entirely.
Be humble. Stop the fight with what’s happening and be a welcoming host for whatever appears.
Receive things as they are, as though they were gifts being offered to you, because they are.
For me, my mantra is, “Oh, this.” I’m no longer concerned about what should be happening or how I should be feeling. The reality of the moment is perfection. Who am I to argue with it?
See everything as yourself
In truth, there is only universal consciousness, which means that nothing is separate from anything else. See a tree? The essence of it is the same as the essence of you. Encounter another person? At the source, there aren’t two people, just life unfolding.
If this isn’t known to you in your direct experience, no worries. Just try out some experiments to see what it’s like:
- Imagine being with a familiar person, deleting any history, then seeing them freshly as yourself.
- Now take this new perspective into an interaction with them. What do you say or do?
- How would you walk in the world if everything is you?
If you’re like me, the heart starts overflowing with tenderness and compassion. How can you hurt others when they’re you? This doesn’t mean you don’t intelligently say, “No!” when that’s called for. It makes you even more aware of how suffering moves people and brings clarity about what to do.
Let the one heart be illuminated, and live there.
Befriend the unknown
You can’t know anything beyond what is happening in this present moment. Worried about the future? You’re wasting your time.
We so easily project negative outcomes onto the future―when in truth we know nothing about what’s going to happen. How will that date go? What will that event be like? Really, you have no idea.
When you know that you don’t know, you’re totally receptive to what is. You live in wonder because anything can happen. You’re no longer limited by beliefs you hold about yourself, others, and the world.
Don’t be driven by fear
Fear divides, separates, and gets your mind spinning. Fear can be present in your experience, but you don’t need to listen to its advice. In fact, if you do, you’re out of alignment with the truth of universal consciousness.
There is a natural intelligence to life that guides you perfectly. To access it, you can ask, “What would love do?” or, “What would wisdom do?”
You already know what fear would do. It limits your expression in life and keeps you falsely entangled in confusion. Try out another way―to be aligned with fullness of life that is clear, open, boundless, and wise.
*******************
When you meet life with deep openness and receptivity, it will feel odd at first. After all, you’re stepping outside your self-imposed prison of false beliefs, and you don’t know what it’s like out here in the land of freedom. Let the cells of your body rearrange, be fully in not knowing and openness to what is.
Sure you can suffer, if that’s your choice. But if you’d like to know another way, consciously align your experience with what’s true. You’ll make the amazing discovery that the end of suffering is so close, less than a nanosecond away.
Try out these experiments in your own experience. What is it like for you? I’d love to hear… And if you’re reading this by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.
Always in love,
Gail
David Litterello says
Your article really hit home today. It resonated with me and helped me move out of the rut I’ve been in.
Keep up the good work!
Thank you!
David L
Gail Brenner says
I’m so glad this article was helpful, David!
Shadi says
Right this minute I’m recovering from exhaustion. My muscles ache my heart beats faster haven’t yet fully caught my breath back. Preparing a simple pasta dish required my full attention a lot of trust and ginormous amount of stamina perseverance and might. All that to move my crippled legs from the fridge to sink to gas cooker and back again to get all the ingredients one or two at a time. I remember praying while transferring the pot of simmering pasta to the sieve inside the sink. Praying I would not drop the boiling water and all over my feet. Dodging danger is a figment of imagination these years. So darling Gail while I’m recuperating from all the ‘hard’ work, I read your blog post and sigh. Staying present is my only choice. Once I’m up from my chair that is. Where else could I possibly be? A second of forgetting has dire results. I fall and break something or at least get a bruise or a cut or a big swelling in some part of my body. Once I needed seven stitches on my head. Life for those of us living with disabling health conditions begs for more convincing words. And I’m saying this with no bitterness. My heart sings with beautiful, spiritual, inviting thoughts put out there it’s my legs and body that need miraculous healing! Well one option to remain smiling when I hear encouragement is to remain seated for a long long time.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Shadi,
Thank you so much for opening yourself to share your experience here.
I’m not physically disabled, so I can’t speak from personal experience about that specifically. And your words make clear how challenging it can be. What I do know about is the power of identification. As humans, we tend to take on identities that are limiting and are the source of psychological suffering. And I’m wondering if I’m hearing a bit of a victim identity as one who is disabled.
Suffering happens when we add on preferences and expectations to the experience that is happening. Living with a disabling health condition is your temple, your opportunity, as intense as it may be, to be at peace with what is. I imagine you haven’t chosen your circumstances – they’ve come to you. And I imagine that you’ve done all you can to get appropriate treatment. So, if you want to be free, your investigation is to discover how you suffer – what thoughts and feelings are grabbing your attention – and how you can find the aware presence that is always peaceful even when these thoughts and feelings appear.
It’s all about how we relate to our experience. And it sounds like you are beautifully vigilant to keep yourself as safe as possible. Maybe the beautiful song your heart sings can also apply to your legs and body. If they were meant for miraculous healing, that’s what would happen. But for now, they are as they are. This is your sacred opportunity – to not resist. Who you really are has never been disabled. This is the discovery that offers true freedom.
Sending love…
Pam says
Thank you Gail for your insight. I always look forward to them. I’m in a good spiritual place for the most part. I am mindful and I meditate daily. I have a stumbling block of “judgement on others” that I’m trying to cross. Not sure what causes it. The only thing I can think of is being raise with a brother with disabilities. He was born with a bone condition. He did not grow because of it and has been wheel chair bound his entire life. I found comments and people staring at him very difficult growing up since I loved him dearly and they truly did not know what he was capable of. My mother was told he had a life expectancy of 12 years. He is 65 married with a beautiful adopted daughter. So not sure if I have deep routed problems from this. I would love to get to the bottom of this and free myself up. Thank you. Looking forward to your advice. Pam. xx
Gail Brenner says
Hi Pam,
This situation from your past may have something to do with your judging others. But in a way it doesn’t matter. The judging thoughts, and your believing them and making them real, happens in the present moment. So that is your moment to investigate. When you notice yourself judging, stop, take a breath, notice the story your mind is telling you, and bring your attention into your body to see if there are some emotions present you’ve been missing. Open fully to your whole experience as it is – not judging yourself for judging.
Then you’re in a position to move from openheartedness and compassion because you’re not caught in the tunnel vision of the judgment.
Sometimes unraveling stories from the past helps, but we can get stuck there forever. Instead, open fully to your present moment and see what new options may be available.
Please let me know how it goes. Much love…
J. Venkataramanan says
The easy and excellent way it is made to understand. Thanks for the Truth itself for its reaching me.
Gail Brenner says
You are so welcome, J.V. Thank you so much for your interest.
Tristan says
This confuses me, Gail: what about moments when you’re being traumatically abused? A schoolgirl in a train confided in me, after I questioned her about the shady older man she was with, that her dad (a military man) is mostly fine, but some evenings he comes home drunk and rapes her or her younger sister. So she had found solace in this shady guy, who was also taking advantage of her…
The feeling was awful… well, I could welcome that moment as an opportunity to make things better. I certainly was not ready to welcome the next moment when they would get raped again. As for the future, I made a plan to go speak to the principal of her school, which I did and he turned out to be a wonderful man. (Well, the first time I went, I was too late — the school had just closed for the holidays, and I felt sick at my own disorganization/lack of sufficient urgency while they were going through such pain&suffering.)
When I look around and see everything as me/us, my genuine response is, “Why are we such a bloody mess?” (awe-inspiring and beautiful and utterly f***ed up all at the same time)
Gail Brenner says
Hi Tristan,
From the perspective of pure awareness, all moments are the same. They just are – none are worse or better than any others. Having preferences for things to be one way and not another is in the province of the human mind, of believing the thoughts that judge and evaluate what we experience, the forms that emerge as life unfolds.
If we believe the mind, and we believe ourselves and others to be separate individuals, I totally understand your point of view. This is how the world works when the mind is in charge – division into good and bad, right and wrong, OK and not OK. This is normal in a sense and understandable, but not the deepest truth. If there is belief in division, there will be psychological suffering.
All forms rely on conscious awareness to exist. Nothing in form exists independently from awareness – forms arise from awareness. And these forms seem very real from the perspective of the mind. But if you turn off the mind, don’t believe the content of any thought, there is just This, the Isness of life. It’s formless, nonseparate. Add in the mind, and we get separation, forms, evaluation, and emotional reactions to these evaluations.
“Why are we such a bloody mess?” is an emotional reaction that comes from separation. Seeing others as yourself doesn’t mean that everything in form is supposed to look OK. It means that at the core, the essence, all forms – the victim, perpetrator, helper, etc. – are the same – the vibration of life that just is prior to form, prior to the mind. This is where peace is, infinitely. And from here, if you feel moved to help, which you were, it’s beautiful. This may be hard to hear, but there are no mistakes. It’s impossible. At the truest level of reality, there’s only the arising and passing on of experience in timeless presence.
Deb says
Gail, is this how you’ve always felt about existence, or did you learn this from spiritual teachings?…or did being exposed to the teachings solidify what already was there in the core of your being?
Gail Brenner says
I love this question, Deb! It’s not how I always felt about existence. I was blessed to be a bit of a rebel. I never accepted what other people said and had to figure it out in my own experience.
I was stuck in emotional pain and patterns of relating to others that weren’t working for many years. Somehow I just knew this couldn’t be “it.” Then I started reading about Buddhism and how the Buddha said that an end to suffering is possible. I didn’t know how, but something in me absolutely knew that was true. So that was the beginning of my quest for true happiness. And I kept going, with teachers and teachings, until I fully understood in the depths of my being.
Clare says
I was listening to NPR this morning and there was a story about a young man who was curious about what he discovered to be his fear of rejection. He challenged himself to deliberately get rejected every day; he did silly things like ask for a discount before purchasing something or ask a stranger for a piece of gum or a ride or strike up a conversation with a stranger. He purposefully made a game out if it and ended up selling these game cards online. He said he learned to challenge the things we tell ourselves, that voice in our in his head, and to look forward to each opportunity of being rejected (facing his fear). I thought it was a brave and unique way of living more authentically and truthfully. Here is the link: http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2015/01/16/377239011/by-making-a-game-out-of-rejection-a-man-conquers-fear
Gail Brenner says
I love this, Clare. Instead of being ruled by the story of fear, he challenged it. I especially like that he welcomed the opportunities to be rejected, no longer scared of this fear. An interesting way to push ourselves out of our confining identities. Thanks for sharing it.
Bill says
What a beautiful perspective. How wonderful it would be to forever let go of regrets for the past and worries for the future and be caught up in the beauty of the world.
I cannot imagine it. There is plenty of Beauty and wonder in the world to make it a happy place. As a naturalist I should know this but I forget and get caught up in judgement of myself and my failures.
Gail Brenner says
Welcome to you, Bill. We all get caught up in judgments and failures. And yes, there is forgetting. But every moment of remembering, of choosing not to judge oneself, is a moment of freedom. So maybe focus more on the joy of remembering than the frustration of forgetting. You can’t remember if you don’t forget. So honor the forgetting as an opportunity to remember.
Breeda says
Hi Gail, my father was diagnosed with glioblastoma on December 30th 2014 and passed away March 6th 2015. I have been heartbroken throughout this period–shocked and paralysed by crippling fear, then terrified and helpless by the way he died, which was absolutely awful (brain tumour destroys all bodily functions while annihilating consciousness). Now, on top of my grief I am anxious of the randomness and unpredictability of terminal illness. As the single mother by choice to my 4 year old child I am feeling especially vulnerable. How can your approach help me come to terms with my grief and sense of radical vulnerability?
Gail Brenner says
Hi Breeda,
I’m so sorry for the loss of your father. First of all, let yourself grieve as it comes. I hear you’re on top of it, but sometimes it comes in waves – and sometimes not.
I hear your strong emotions, which are so understandable in this situation, and the anxiety you’re left with. In truth, we are all in this radical vulnerability that you are experiencing – it’s just not conscious to us. What happened to your father could happen to anyone any time, and as you know, these things do happen. So you have gotten a sudden and heavy dose of the reality that’s always true anyway, and I’m wondering how to receive this as a gift, an offering for your awakening, which everything is. And here are some thoughts:
Meet the fear and vulnerability, and there is much I’ve written on this site about meeting emotions. gailbrenner.com/archives. An emotion is a story with physical sensations. When we live in the story, we perpetuate the experience of the emotion, and we’re resisting the direct experience of the sensations. No matter how often the fear comes – and it may be present a lot – see if you can let the sensations arise in the field of just being aware. This is a process with no end – it’s simply being fully with what is.
And as you know, when you look around at everything, it all could and will go at some point. You, your daughter, all your possessions, all your loved ones. This is the nature of life in physical form. Living in fear about this is about the future and misses what’s hear right now. And what’s here? The moments you have with your daughter. Open your heart to appreciate them fully as they occur without taking away from them by spinning about the future. Simply said, be present now with things as they are and not caught by stories in the mind that aren’t true right now.
Finally, you are being asked to investigate the nature of identity. These are essential spiritual questions. Who are you? Who dies? Your father in form died, but does life die? It animates the body for a while, but life, awareness, the formless, timeless, infinite substance of everything doesn’t come and go. It’s here, now and always. And it’s pure love. Maybe that’s who you are? And from this “place,” there’s full receptivity to the unfolding, pure presence, and stories about the future along with their fears melt as soon as they arise. What remains is heart-opening, love, and celebration.
Love and support to you….
Ankush Chauhan says
Nice article. Once we connect to our spiritual source of bliss, we find all the answers.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom Gail
Love.
Gail Brenner says
Beautiful to hear from you, Ankush. So much love back to you…
Aaron Henderson says
That was awesome! I’ve bookmarked this and will come back and read it over and over. Thank you for giving me something to think about and consider as a life tool.
Gail Brenner says
Welcome to you, Aaron! I’m really glad to hear this post is so helpful to you.
Love to you…
Jesse brown says
Hello Gail, you beautiful soul. My stepmothers name is Gail just FYI 🙂 . So I’m finding myself afraid/lazy to motivate myself and think conciously about staying spiritual. This is my second time around 100% diving in. Having faith about whatever happens and listening to my true self instead of repetitively ignoring it . But I’m afraid I’m going to slowly fall back into ignorance of my true self, without conciously realizing it. I’m 20 years of age and it’s hard to relate with anyone because rarely anybody near my age understands what I’m saying and I feel I’m going to be judged . The only person who understands as I do, fully, is my ex girlfriend . But it’s unhealthy to keep contact because we’re a couple hours drive away and I can’t commit to that and I don’t want to hurt her; which also makes my heart hurt . So I guess what I’m asking is, how can I stay motivated along this lovely path that is my true self ? What exersizes can I do to keep my mind clear and free. I meditate from time to time but 2/5 times it bores me so it’s hard to stay focussed . I love my spiritual true self but I also love this physical universe and am so blessed and appreciative to have the friends and family that I have. But they don’t comprehend my spirituality and I can’t give up either my spirituality or them so how can I keep a balance ? Thank you and wish you the best . 🙂
Gail Brenner says
You are overflowing with grace, Jesse! Lucky you being 20 and having this understanding.
I have a feeling that you are in love enough with truth that you won’t be able to forget it. Eventually, it grabs hold and never again lets go. So go ahead and enjoy the love of friends and family and the rest of the physical universe. You don’t need to choose the material realm vs. the spiritual realm. In the end, you know that everything is touched by the hand of God, so you can’t denial spiritual truths even if you want to. This means you don’t need to balance things. How you are in the world expresses your true nature, so there aren’t two things to deal with – it’s seamless.
There are no “should’s” in this path. If you enjoy meditating, then do it. If not, do it less. It does support to spend time in stillness now and then or more often, but you get to choose. Read books, watch videos on youtube that resonate with you. Do whatever supports. Be very clear about what is most important to you and let that speak in your life.
I understand being 20 and feeling like you’re walking this path alone. You might go to retreats to find like-minded people and definitely connect with online communities for support.
Wishing you well on this amazing journey of love…
Jesse brown says
Thank you very much for your reply much appreciated, sometimes hearing what you already know is all you need to hear. You were 100% dead on with being in love with the truth that I will never be able to forget it. Saying that it eventually holds on and never lets go puts plenty of ease to my mind and I can’t thank you enough. Keep doing what you are doing its beautiful too see! Take care 🙂