This post isĀ a chapter from my book, At the Core of Every Heart: Reflections, Insights, and Practices for Waking Up and Living Free.
This little book is perfect to pick up for a burst of inspiration whenever you need it. It includes 52 short essays, each with a practice to help the content of the chapter come alive to you in your own experience.
The book is available to purchase on Amazon. Maybe it will be the perfect gift for you or someone you love.Ā ā¤ļø
Living the Yes! to Life
Iāve spent a lot of time investigating how to not suffer, and hereās what Iāve discovered. We canāt control what thoughts appear, and we donāt have much to say about the events that happen in our lives.
But we do have control over how we relate to what arises. We can resist, blame others, ignore and avoid. We can put our heads in the sand or get passive and give up. We can hate whatās happening.
Or we can say, āYes!ā Yes, this is whatās happening. This is the reality of right now, and how am I going to move forward from here? How can I relate to this precious moment with ease, grace, and intelligence? Can I meet my emotions about whatever is happening with love and understanding?
I recently corresponded with a friend who was reeling after her partner ended their relationship. She told me how much she had invested in their time together and went on about his fears of intimacy. She was in a great deal of emotional pain, wanting desperately for the situation to be different.
She was being very nice about it, but still she blamed him for not dealing with his fears and allowing the relationship to be all she thought it could be. And she was stuck in heartache, not wanting to accept the facts of the situation.
I suggested that she begin to take in what he said at face valueāthat he didnāt want the relationship to continue. Yes, itās painful, but that is what is true.
And once she says, āYes!ā to the truth, her healing truly begins. The blame stops and she can turn toward her own experience, welcome in her feelings of sadness and loss, and reflect on how and why she wasnāt always honest with herself. Yes! is the path to getting unstuck, the path to freedom from suffering, and the way to allow what happens to break through our attachments.
Saying ānoā to our experience feeds the anxious, ruminating mind and shuts us down to life. We sleepwalk through on automatic with our heads in a fog, endlessly chewing on ideas about what is wrong with things as they are and how they should be different.
Saying ānoā leaves us feeling alone and separate, wondering if this is the best that life can offer.
Instead, consider migrating into the land of Yes. With our hearts wide open, we say a full-bodied, unapologetic, thoroughly honest āYes!ā to things just as they are. We might have to meet challenge and difficulty, but itās the only way to find relief from suffering.
Then we get to live! We feel the juiciness of the human experience and at the same time know that we are free. No longer resisting the facts, weāre finally open to flowing with the timeless natural unfolding of life.
PRACTICE:
Become an expert in how and when you say āNoā to life. What do you resist? How does it feel in your body? What are the effects of resisting?
Now tiptoe into the land of Yes. With all blinders off, say, āYes!ā to the situation as it is. Meet your direct experience with the most loving heart. Use the truth of things as they are right now as your starting point for moving forward.
What About You?
How do you say “no” and “Yes!” to life? I’d love to hear…
Lori says
Just ended a relationship I was afraid of sinking it’s the last thing I needed or wanted. I travelled across Canada in my SUV with my dog this past summer & recalled the feelings of strength adventure. I was going to be ok. I feel free for the first time, now I believe this is when all my hopes & dreams will start for me. YES TO LIFE thank you Gail
Gail Brenner says
Love how you’re listening, Lori! xoxo
kuldeep says
Are you writing it down from your own experiemce…i mean do u have the natural acceptance of everything going around you or u try adjusting to whats happening.
Are you already transformed or still in the process…
I have experienced several times what u r talking about buy it never stays permanent.
Gail Brenner says
I always write and speak from my own experience, Kuldeep. For me, there is an undeniable background of full acceptance. I don’t react very much at all to the comings and goings of life. There is great surrender. Sometimes I’ll experience anxiety or my mind will start chewing on something. But none of these is a problem. I know that my attention has gotten stuck on an object, and that is all, and the shift to openness and relaxation happens naturally with this awareness.
What I might suggest is to not look for something permanent, and don’t think you’ve failed if you can’t find it. Every time you become aware of your present moment experience, let go of any thinking and surrender into the space. Don’t give any attention to the content of your thoughts. Ultimately, you will discover that there is no personal self. The awareness that is the source of everything is undivided. Always surrender beyond anything personal and into the timeless field of presence.
Aneta says
There’s real aliveness in there. Gail the way you describe everything is so clear that it’s enough to follow your words and change them into experience to live what you are writing about. The speciousness, the openness… Wow it’s real. It’s like the life expands and suddenly one realizes what it means to live. Thank You very much.
I keep following what you say in your articles, videos, keep writing down the ways you describe openness, the ‘yes’ to life, the loving kindness…as fellas the way you describe the ‘crazy’ working of our minds, just like I would make notes at school to understand and experience. Although the understanding is much more organic than only in the brain… It’s vey much like reminding oneself about who we are really and grasping the ill reality of our thinking, harmful not only for us but also for everybody else. So many ‘teachers’ do it nowadays…in different ways. I learn from many people, putting the pieces together, as my story and my family story was huge and very ‘hypnotizing’ and possessed me for many years.
It’s simply beautiful to expand into life after all that suffering, crazy-making thinking…. and thanks to what I’ve experienced before, the sheer contraction into my small neurotic world, full of destructive feelings, know and sense the difference what it really means to live!
So many of us undergoing this sacred process now…
Amazing times!
Gail thank You very much for your generous sharing, time and dedication to spread freely your beautiful discoveries!
What an adventure life is!
Love to all.
A
Gail Brenner says
So beautiful, Aneta! Thank you for sharing these words that are so alive!