“Whatever you have forgotten, you can remember. Whatever you have buried you can unearth. If you are willing to look deep into your own nature, if you are willing to peel away the layers of not-self you have adopted in making your way through the tribulations of life, you will find that your true self is not as far removed as you think.”
I have so much compassion for those deeply-held patterns that we find ourselves trapped by. The pattern might be a fear of not having enough or being enough, a tendency to need approval or acceptance, or an out-of-control desire for control.
We feel a basic sense of lack and are driven to complete ourselves. “If only I could find the missing link, then I would be happy.” Doesn’t this describe the human condition?
The Origin of Lack
These patterns form when we are very young in response to circumstances and relationship dynamics. The people around us meant the best, but sometimes they fell short of providing the support and attention that we really needed.
This unfortunate situation creates the fertile ground for troublesome programming to thrive. We learn survival patterns that take hold of us like a hungry tiger, and they spread their tentacles into our hearts, minds, and bodies.
And now here you are, in your 20’s or 40’s or even older, acting as if you were five again. This is what has happened: the past is very much alive in the present.
Identify Your Identities
The pull of these unresolved experiences is very strong. They infiltrate you and become who you think you are. They seem to stuff the wholeness of you into a tiny box, and they drive you with need and desperation.
I had very early experiences that gave me the message that I wasn’t safe in the world. Since my basic security felt threatened, I grew up filled with fear. Sometimes it has played out as passivity and sometimes as a sense of bravado that hid the fear that was driving me.
Either way, whenever I respond with passivity or bravado, I am keeping the past alive in the present.
Return to Sanity
You have probably heard of the metaphor of the inner child. When these experiences from the past have not gotten the loving attention they need, it is just like a child living inside you. You feel the emotions of that earlier time, and they drive you to limit yourself in so many ways.
Believe me, I know this well in my own experience.
But I know this also: Total freedom requires us to unearth these tendencies. They are not real, and they are not who we are. They drive our behavior, and they shield us from the natural life that is our birthright.
We must see them with laser-like clarity or they continue to live in us outside of conscious awareness.
Isn’t it time to heal these so-called wounds and return to natural wholeness?
Tell the truth about how you bring the past into the present. Name the tendencies that operate through you. Step back from them so you can see them as they are. Know that they have landed in you, but they are not you.
Be ruthless and compassionate. Yes, undesirable things happened, but stay rooted in your quest for freedom, for wholeness. Be willing to do whatever it takes.
Tell the story and feel the pain. Don’t hold back in experiencing the pain of these patterns. How do they make you feel? How have you betrayed yourself? What has been the effect on others? Feel the truth of the pain so you see it clearly. But don’t wallow in it.
Soothe the inner child. Let him or her feel your support and reassurance and love. And know that I love you, with all my heart.
Contemplate living without these tendencies. What would change? What would freedom feel like? This is the natural, unconditioned you. Experiment with living it.
Stay aware. These deeply-embedded patterns hold on tightly. Know them so well that they come to light in an instant. Then, over and over, relax into wholeness. Let go of all barriers and live in this open, receptive space, free of boundaries and structure.
Then one day you will notice, ah, peace and happiness…effortlessly.
This is your time. What pattern do you need to resolve? How do you stay committed to the process? We would all love to hear and support you…