“What you are looking for is within you
Fall silent a moment and contemplate what that means…
You lack nothing.”
~Prem Rawat
I know, it’s hard sometimes. Things get you down, and you can’t seem to find your way out. Life seems blah, and you’re thinking there’s got to be a better way.
Well, there is. And one way to access it is to “act as if.” Whatever you want for yourself, you act as if it’s already the case. You can act as if you’re confident, completely fulfilled, or free of attachments to painful emotions.
“Acting As If” Transforms
Acting as if might sound like a superficial technique that couldn’t possibly help you. But I’m not into superficial, and acting as if can be profound and transformative.
We so easily get in our own way. Our attachments to distorted thought patterns and unhappy feelings sabotage our ability to fully express ourselves in life. It’s so pervasive that we might not even realize these habits are hijacking us. But they are.
Acting as if is a way through these habits that have never served us. It opens us to the deepest fulfillment.
Let’s take feeling inadequate as an example. If this is your reality, you repeat negative thoughts in your mind about how you’re not good enough. These thoughts cause you to conclude that you won’t be able to accomplish the goals you want before you even try.
Then you might spend your time thinking about the disappointing things that happened in your past that you blame for your inadequacy. It’s a repetitive cycle that keeps you locked into negativity.
And how do you feel if you think you’re inadequate? Anxious, downtrodden, hopeless. These thoughts and feelings inhabit your body, constricting your breathing, weighing down your posture, and silently diminishing your health. They get into your cells and distort the pathways of connections in your brain.
But what if you were to act as if you’re confident? You have to get into it, thinking the way a confident person would think, feeling the way they would feel, and letting the brain and body rearrange so you get the visceral, in-the-body experience of feeling confident.
If you were confident, how would you walk and stand? What would you say and how would you say it? What would you do when self-critical thoughts happen to appear in the mind? How would it be to go out into the world with your whole being screaming, “Confident!”
See how acting as if can be a powerful way to break through false identities?
It Accesses Your Deepest Knowing
And I’ll let you in on a little secret. Acting as if is actually a trick to get you to connect with your inner intelligence, the wisest you who already knows how to be free and happy.
If you’re feeling inadequate, how do you know how to act as if you’re confident? Where did that information come from?
What a surprise to realize that something in you already knows how to let go of inadequacy and be your full confident self. The prompt to act as if is a bit of a sneaky way to guide you into sanity and clear seeing. It takes you out of your limited, programmed ways of being and delivers you right into the vast potential that is always available to you.
If you’ve been sitting around waiting for life to bring you what you’re hoping for, you might want to experiment with acting as if. Rather than wishful thinking, investigate to see if what you want might already be more of a possiblity than you ever imagined.
Your Turn to Act As If
Here are some suggestions. Choose one or more of these, or come up with your own. Reflect on what it would take to act as if and experience it deeply in your mind, heart, body, and spirit.
Get out of your chair, and make it like you’re auditioning for the role of your life. Because you are. When you act as if, you’re shedding ideas about yourself that aren’t true and inhabiting the expansive potential of you.
Act as if: you’re wise.
- If you were wise, what would your thought process be like?
- How would you make decisions?
- What would you do when things don’t go as planned?
Act as if: you care about yourself.
- How would caring about yourself play out in your thoughts, actions, choices, and emotions?
- What would you do if you were in a situation you knew wasn’t right for you?
- What would your daily life look like?
Act as if: you’re ready for healthy relationships.
- Who would you choose for your partner and your friends?
- Which of your relationships would need to end?
- How would you show up with others?
- What would you think about?
- What would you do when you feel scared or angry?
Act as if: you’re free of the pain from your past.
- Without being held back by your past, what would you do differently in your life?
- What would you stop doing?
- How would you relate to strong feelings that arise in you?
Act as if: you’re so much bigger than your imagined limits.
- How would you feel in your body?
- What would you do with limiting thoughts?
- How would you know what actions to take?
- How would you relate to other people?
Back to Basics
You may be an expert at acting as if you’re miserable, disappointed, and ungrateful. But what if you made a different choice? I love acting as if because it immediately busts the false identities that hold you back.
Maybe you can entertain the possibility that you’re already whole, healed, and totally fabulous. Maybe you are way more knowledgeable about being fully alive in your life than you ever imagined.
Act as if the light of universal presence shines through you—because it does. Act as if you’re capable of making wise choices—because you are if you’re willing to be honest with yourself. Act as if you don’t let fear get in your way—because who you really are is way bigger than fear.
What happens to all those self-imposed limits you thought you were stuck with? They miraculously dissolve, and here you are, with a sweet, knowing smile on your face.
What About You?
Try acting as if. In the comments, tell us what quality you’re acting as if you had. How did the experiment go? I’d love to hear… If you’re reading this by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.
MyPeaceOfFood says
Hi, Gail!
This is beautiful! I have a board on Pinterest called “Living as if.” This is like “Surprise!” to me — that you can only pretend what you already know, as with the confidence example you used. One I’ve gotten stuck on in the past is living from the abundant/flourishing mindset. But I think I was focusing too much (of course) on the “doing” of trying to feel that feeling, and it’s so easy to pull up examples of lack and scarcity instead. Acting as if you’re so much bigger than your imagined limits…it’s like carrying around a little secret for me and me alone. The question about knowing what actions to take reminds me of something you said in our interview: “I have given up the idea that ‘I know.’ So I surrender all my personal needs and desires. I listen and let myself be led.” I think of this often 🙂
Gail Brenner says
I love that one, too, Peace – acting as if you’re so much bigger than you’re imagined limits. When you get stuck, maybe bring the “acting as if” into your body more. To get the experience and have it feel real, it must happen at the physical, even cellular, level.
Catherine says
I will stop trying to relate to my mother because at a very deep level she has already rejected me.
Gail Brenner says
This is wisdom, Catherine. I’m sure you’ve tried so much that by now you know the trying won’t get what you want from her. As you stop trying to relate to her, there’s more space within you. Enjoy it!
Pam says
I love this Gail! Truly works. A year ago I put this to work. What did I truly want? I wanted to be a “free spirit” full of love joy peace and compassion. I am know typing this letter from my cottage on a lake, boat access only. I do not work. I quit my job, my husband quit his also. Sold everything. We are here “now”. Lots of love Pam. XX
Gail Brenner says
I’m so happy for you, Pam! I love that you’re a free spirit!
Rosalyn says
Oh Thank you! Just what I neeced. I had a summer of people just leaving my life, giving me lame excuses and dropping out of sight…this really hit my abandonment issues and I took it really hard. Then I started thinking about how this frees me up to create without distractions. And then the other day the thought came to me “what if I created an energy field so wide and so strong that it would pull in the most perfect people in my life. People who respected me and honored me and wanted to have sharing and caring relationships….so here I go!
Gail Brenner says
Wonderful, Rosalyn! Now you see you don’t have to live in the identity of the one who was abandoned. Being freed up to create sounds so much more fun!
David Stevens says
Thanks Gail,
Nice work here. There’s definite value in acting “As if”
Be good to yourself
David
Gail Brenner says
Thank you, David!
Merelyn says
Hi Gail, I have thoroughly enjoyed your column, but have a question. Is “acting as if” the same as being in denial? Pretending something doesn’t exist? I am coming from a context of physical pain that results in fear, rather than emotional pain.
For example, if I have had a bad night, with bouts of pain, do I pretend it didn’t happen, acting as if I can get through my day at full throttle? I am only just starting to accept that I have days where my condition means I have to contract and practice some heavy self care – it has taken me a year to learn that I can’t power through anymore. Acting as if would put me back into the old powering through Type A person I used to be. I would love to hear your thoughts. Thanks!
Gail Brenner says
I’m grateful for your question, Merelyn, and was hoping it would come up.
In “acting as if,” the starting point is confusion, stuckness, or lack of clarity. And it is a trick that triggers the shift into what is actually true about ourselves and reality. But if we’re starting in wisdom, there’s no need to act as if.
If you really need to take better care of yourself, and you’re living in a mindset that pushes you to do more, you can act as if you’re wise, which would mean better self-care. But if you’re already aligned with what’s true and appropriate, knowing you need to take care of yourself, there’s no need to act as if – you’re already there!
It reminds me of the saying – if it’s not broken, don’t fix it. If you look inside and just know what needs to happen, simply live that. But if you’re fear-driven, stressed, and spinning in your mind, you might want to consider acting as if.
Vance Kennedy says
I’ve had the pleasure and privilege of teaching human relations for 32 years at the College of San Mateo. I’m now retired and was brought back to an important point through your blog on “living as if.” I first heard this idea in a tape called “The Magic Word” by Earl Nightingale, part of a series he called “Lead the Field,” published by the Nightingale-Conant Corporation. The best line on this tape was: “Actions trigger feelings just as feelings trigger actions.” I found this to be a useful and powerful reminder. Taking positive actions (“acting as if”) triggers the emotions which supports those actions. I am delighted to see you putting out this idea for all. It really is an important and effective key for living into and creating our best self. Thank you for all you are doing with your wonderful blog!
Gail Brenner says
Hello, Vance!
Your students are fortunate to have had you as their teacher, and what an essential topic for life – human relations.
Yes, it works both ways, and you probably know there is research-based evidence for this. For example, Ekman found that when we smile, the action feeds back to the brain and makes us think we’re happy. We can choose an upward, or downward, spiral, and any place is the best starting point. It’s wonderful to know that this choice is available!
Clare says
I actually wrote down answers to all of the questions that you posed. It was a great exercise and very revealing. You are so right about the clarity of it all. I found that “acting as if” is actually the way you define how you would act if you were acting out of your “best self” and who wouldn’t want to at least attempt to act out of our best selves? I was uncomfortable with the “as if” component too, but I found t is not fake at all; rather it is a way to help you to connect with your inner wisdom and toward clear seeing, so that your intentions can match your actions as much as possible. If you really pay attention (or are mindful), it is a path toward identifying the ways we get stuck and get in our own way. With loving kindness and compassion, the path toward overcoming our own habits of suffering is within us all. The true inner witness and guide, when earnestly, consciously and habitually connected to, will help us to be our best selves.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Clare,
I love your love of what’s really important. Beautiful! xx
Amit says
Hello Gail,
This simple experiment with profound result is indeed worth implementing. It is nothing but before reacting in our habitual way we take a pause and look at more interesting alternative of “acting as if”. This will help us from wasting energy on undesired thoughts. Beauty is in leaving our such negative thought and start living and enjoying this god’s gift of this wonderful life.
Thank you!
Gail Brenner says
Your words make my heart sing, Amit! Love to you…