“Happiness is simply to allow everything to be exactly as it is from moment to moment.”
~Rupert Spira
In the last post, we saw that fear is at the root of your conditioned habits. We get so caught up in playing out these habits, that we don’t stop to recognize that fear is what underlies them.
Take people pleasing as an example. Why do you need to please others? You’re afraid of rejection or abandonment or being alone. And what about any addiction or compulsive behavior? Behind it is a a fear of meeting your own tender feelings.
If fear remains unexamined, these habits will continue to rule your life. Make friends with fear, and you’re getting to the source of the problem. It’s like emptying the gas tank. Take away the fuel for the habits, and they lose their power.
But seeing through the fear that drives automatic habits is not just about making you feel better. When you’re willing to face what’s true, you’ve opened to a higher level of consciousness. You’re authentic and real with what is.
It’s a sacred practice to recognize the grip of familiar thoughts and feelings and be who you are without them.
In this post, you’ll get to know fear. It shows up in two ways: in your thoughts and in the body.
The Inner Voice of Fear
Fear isn’t obvious at first, so you have to look for it. It rarely appears in your face screaming, “I’m afraid!” It has other more indirect ways of expressing itself.
The voice of fear is all about no. It tells how you won’t be successful, how you’re going to screw up, and it points out every negative outcome imaginable.
Its intention is to protect you and keep you safe. And it does this by making you terrified of going one millimeter outside your comfort zone.
Here is how fear speaks:
- It tells you what you should and shouldn’t do.
- It catches you in doubt, going back and forth in your mind so you can’t move forward.
- It keeps your mind spinning in an ongoing flood of thoughts.
- It imagines the worst about the future.
- It questions your brilliance and creativity.
- It wants you to stay with what’s familiar to you, even if that is painful and damaging.
- It doesn’t want you to change.
Its voice is contracted and edgy, and it keeps you feeling flat and unalive.
If these thoughts are in charge, first recognize that they’re present. You may have to look carefully to the core of the thought pattern, as they’re not always obvious.
Then, don’t take them as truth. Fearful thoughts are all about limiting you and making you believe things about yourself that are patently untrue.
Don’t negotiate with these thoughts. Don’t let them define you. Instead, press pause, take a breath, and turn your attention away from them.
You’re still here in your full magnificence. It’s a moment of feeling fresh and alive.
Dip your toe into this space that is not inhabited by fearful thoughts. Get familiar with not being limited. You’re opening to the full, lovely, boundless potential of you.
The Fear Body
The other aspect of fear to recognize is how it shows up in your body. The experience of fear is very physical. You’ll notice contractions, tightness, an energetic sense of unease.
Getting to know this physical expression of fear is essential if you don’t want fear to drive you. Ignore these sensations, and fear will be running in the background. Bring the light of awareness to them, and the pattern of fear won’t be able to gel.
After all, they’re only physical sensations. But left unseen, they create all kinds of trouble in your mind and behavior, which I’m sure you know well.
Simply let these sensations be in the field of awareness, and fear won’t trap you. Hiding from them keeps you stuck; being present with them is what sets you free.
Take a moment to sit quietly, then bring your attention away from your mind and into the sensations in your body. Don’t do anything with them—simply notice them and allow them to be present.
And here’s an important caveat: Don’t welcome these sensations with the expectation that they will disappear.
The human body is built for survival, and physical sensations of fear are ingrained to help you stay vigilant so you can protect yourself. As long as you’re inhabiting your human body, you will feel sensations you identify as fear.
But if you are a welcoming presence for these sensations—whenever they appear—you’re derailing the pattern of fear. Honor the gift of your experience by meeting it rather than wishing it were different.
The Takeaway
Unawareness keeps challenging habits firmly in place. And awareness heals.
Every moment when you recognize fear, but you don’t believe it or act on it, is a moment of grace. You’ve aligned with truth. You’ve connected with your natural, unconditioned state.
Get to know how fear speaks to you in your thoughts. Feel how it shows up in your body. You’re welcoming in the possibility of your essential wholeness.
Spend some time every day reflecting on your experience. What are you learning about how fear speaks and feels? Please share in the comments. And if you’re reading by email, click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.
Always in love,
Dear Gail your post on fear is so timely for my life at the moment. I find myself on the cusp of some life changing decisions and the signs you identified are so visible — one of my biggest “fearways” is to 2nd guess myself 🙂 I like the idea of welcoming the sensation as an experience and will keep you posted….the significance for me is how subtle it all is and that one has to grow one’s awareness to understand the physical sensation
Thank you – I find your posts profoundly useful
Thanks for commenting, Leela!
When we welcome the sensations and our attention is on them, we can’t also keep thinking the content of the thought. The physical sensation is your direct experience of fear, and the thought is a fantasy. It loses its strength when you ignore it.
Yes, please keep me posted on how it’s going!
Hi,dear Gail:
In essence,you’re saying that in order to find peace,happiness…we need to ignore the illusory and false sense of the separate self,while welcoming all that arises in our awareness,but what about people with serious or less serious psychological issues,with survival issues,or people who have to struggle daily to “earn” their daily bread under harsh circumstances?
I don’t think their priority is happiness or peace,but survival first.
Their fear of not being able to bring food to the table is real sometimes,for example,together with the stress and anxiety that go with it.
We can tell them,ok,your fears,thoughts,emotions,feelings,….on the subject are not real,but they won’t buy it,’cause their fears of not being able to “earn” their daily bread is real.
When their survival is under serious threat,they have no room for anythingelse.
When they feel hunger in their stomach,we can’t tell’m that’s just body sensation that are related to unreal fears,thoughts…Can we?
Thanks.Cheers.
Hi AZ
It’s all about what anyone wants – or needs. I don’t hold a value judgment that people should prioritize happiness above everything else. And I acknowledge the fears that you mention that someone might experience if they don’t have enough food to eat. I also know that the movement of life can be completely trusted. If we surrender our personal selves into that, there is no resistance and we’re one with unfolding.
People have been known to experience openings into their true nature in the middle of the worst of circumstances. It’s something that ultimately we can’t control because the opening itself reveals that there is no separate self that makes anything happen.
Wow,Yes.Surrender is the answer.
You rock my world,once again,dear Gail.Perfect answer.Thanks a lot.Best wishes.
Love reading your posts Gail because I learn a lot from them. In regards to fear I am going through a major change where I am leaving a marriage of 28 years and am leaving the family home. I can’t say fear hasn’t over taken me on so many occasions. Will I cope on my own? Will I cope financially? If I need help what will I do? (my family &friends no longer are there for me since announcing I was leaving my marriage) Will I be safe?
I know change is not easy and I don’t expect it to be, and I know this major transition has me questioning my life and myself as a human being. I feel I have been put in a position that because I don’t have that sense of security ahead of me, as I did in my marriage, that fear has stepped in and taken up some of my space. And must admit at times, quite a lot!
So everyday I look at fear by replacing the space it takes within me with things that I do have that are working for me. I think positive thoughts that make me feel safe and secure. And I try to release the hold it has over me through these thoughts and feelings by visualizing myself as the person I choose to be,strong,healthy and happy. The rest I leave to faith, to protect and guide me along the way.
Hi RT,
I love how you’re working so directly with fear so it doesn’t overpower you. Something else to consider: maybe some of this fear is excitement about what lies ahead for you.
Sending love…
Hi Gail,
Thanks for the reminder of how liberating life gets when we face our fears, bit by bit.
Ahh, the freedom of letting go of people pleasing. As a nurse, that was an innate characteristic but now I am willing to disappoint another to be true to myself.
So great to hear from you, Eileen! You are such a light!
Moving from being a people pleaser to one who is willing to disappoint – what a journey, but as you say, so liberating! I’m happy for your freedom!
Much love…
Thank you Gail! Breathing again as I got to the end of this post, that easy inhale. With love and gratitude, Marilee
So sweet, Marilee. That one relaxing exhale of letting go – so beautiful…
Mr. Brenner
That is a very good post. I know how to overcome fear. But, when I try, it is very difficult to take out all the fear triggers in my mind. Currently, I am eagering to seek happiness too, but all the past has bothered me from seeking the joy. I don’t want any problem, I don’t want any conflicts from the past inhaled into my mind. Is there any self treatment such as sel-hypnosis or else to treat this problem?
Thank You
Welcome to you, Figel! I love hearing about your fire for happiness!
You may not be able to remove the fear triggers from your mind, but that’s not a problem. What is important is what you do with them when they arise. As soon as you realize you’re afraid, take a breath, and shift your attention away from the thoughts and just breathe. These thoughts are distorted. They make you believe that scary things will happen, when the truth is that you don’t know what will happen.
A teacher of mine used to say, “Don’t touch it!” When the fear starts to come, don’t touch it. Instead, stay present and ground yourself in being here. The fear may come, but you have a choice over whether or not to make it your reality.
I have written a lot about fear and other emotions. Check out the archives here, and you’ll find some direction.
You’re on a wonderful path. Keep looking for the right answers for you, and you will feel the results.
Do not let fear overcome your life. Do not let fear be the one to create who and what you are. Have the strength to overcome it and that fear will be powerless. It is important to recognize what you are afraid to in order for you to know what part of your life you need to change. If you are still trying you can’t consider yourself as a failure because you’re still in the process of success.
Very helpful words, Carol. Thanks!