âIn my experience, we donât make thoughts appear, they just appear. One day, I noticed that their appearance just wasnât personal.â
~Byron Katie
As you probably realize, we humans are highly conditioned to believe what our minds tell us about ourselves and everyone else.
Without even being aware of it, we believe the content of thoughts as our unquestioned reality.
- If your thoughts tell you about all the things that could go wrong, you say, âIâm anxious,â or âIâm a control freak.â
- If your thoughts judge, compare, and criticizeâyourself or othersâyou live in that negativity and separation as if it were true.
- You believe your opinions are facts. When you say, âI amâŠâ or âI feelâŠâ (fill in whatever the thought is saying), youâre identifying with the thought and taking it to be true.
Hereâs an interesting truth: identifying with our thoughts will always bring suffering to our lives. Why? Because most thoughts are limiting, driven by fear, and almost always negative. Do you want to suffer? Believe what your thoughts tell you.
How We Speak to Ourselves
For most of us, it takes time to untangle ourselves from the content of our thinking, and a skillful practice along the way is to be accurate in the language we use.
Itâs common to say something like,âIâm unlovable.â Whatâs more accurate is: âThoughts are arising in me telling me Iâm unlovable.â
You might say, âIâm worried.â But a more accurate way to describe whatâs actually happening is to say, âWorrying thoughts are arising in me.â
When you say, âIâm worried,âor âIâm unlovable,â you believe youâre the one who is worried or unlovable along with all the implications about yourself and the world that go with that identity.
But âworrying thoughts are arising in me,â or âthoughts are arising in me telling me Iâm unlovable,â changes everything. Youâre no longer identifying with what the thoughts are telling youâŠand immediately  thereâs a sense of spaciousness and relaxationâŠ
Now letâs apply this practice to feelings. Instead of saying, âIâm feeling anxious,â you might say, âThe feeling of anxiety is arising in me,â or, âSensations are appearing in me that feel like anxiety.â
Can you feel how powerful it is to separate yourself from your thinking?
Your Thoughts Donât Describe You AccuratelyâWho Are You?
What Iâm suggesting may sound like an awkward way to describe your experience, but itâs much closer to the truth than identifying with your thoughts. Here are some benefits to this practice.
First, itâs a quick and obvious reminder that you are not your thoughts. It helps you to break the identification with your thoughts so youâre not taking them personally.
Yes, thatâs what I mean. As the quote above from Byron Katie says, your thoughts arenât personal to youâthey just appear in the space we call the mind.
Once youâre less attached to the contents of your mind (which are mostly negative), you become aware of the possibility of being hereâŠpresent in the moment freshlyâŠwith openness, curiosity, and wonder.
Second, it invites you to question who you are and who youâre not. If anxiety or a judging thought arises in you, then who is the you that the thought arises in? Feel yourself settle into wide open space thatâs simply aware, free of content.
Whatâs true about you if you are not what your thoughts tell you what you are?
Your Turn
Not itâs your turn to try out this practice. Close your eyes and notice the thoughts or feelings that are arising right now. Say, âThese thoughts and feelings are arising in me.â
Now shift your attention to the âmeâ that these forms are arising in. Youâll become aware of open space, ease, and well-being, undefined by thinking.
What a discovery! Now you know you are not your thoughts! Don’t connect yourself with the content of your thinking, and you’ll touch the open secret of peace beyond peace…
Nancy says
Lovely, lovely, and so helpful.
Please, though, just change ‘You’re thoughts don’t describe you (in blue)’ to ‘Your thoughts…’
Thank you so much for everything you are. You have often been the rock I return to and lean against just to breathe a moment .
Gail Brenner says
Thank you for pointing out the error, Nancy! So glad to hear of our resonance. Feel free to lean in any time…
Much love…