“Where the heart is willing, it will find a thousand ways. Where it is unwilling, it will find a thousand excuses.”
~Arlen Price
I haven’t experienced stress for quite a long timeāuntil recently. All of a sudden, I found myself anxious, pressured, and ruled by my to-do list which contains way too many things to accomplish.
I know how it happenedāit’s the way any habit takes hold. In a moment of unconsciousness, a thought seems to be meaningful and important. It feeds a story about things to do and not enough time to do them. It shows up as tension in the body. And a veil of stress descends as pleasure and enjoyment in the doing melt away.
Sure, I can apply some techniques to reduce stress. I can take deep breaths, exercise, and get massages, all of which I do. But these are temporary fixes. I don’t want to live under the shadow of impending stress, hoping I can find some relief.
I want to get to the source of the problem so I can be free of it. I want true, abiding peace. Why? Because it’s possible.
What I know to be absolutely true is that my essential nature is not capable of stress. There has to be a way to return to peace. And there is.
So let’s explore what we call stress because I’m far from the only one on the planet who experiences it. In the spirit of clear seeing, let’s bring out the laser to investigate:
- What exactly is the direct experience of stress?
- What does it take to shift from peace to stress?
An Opportunity for Exploration
It’s not wrong to feel stress, or anything for that matter. I know it’s a platitude to say that every experience is your teacher, but it’s true. Every single thing that occurs is either about fear or love.
If it comes from love, there’s nothing to do but enjoy and celebrate. But if it’s about fear, there is an opportunity for an empowering insight that can set you free. So let’s see what stress has to offer.
Stressful Mind
Events and happenings in the world aren’t inherently stressful. They just occur. What makes them stressful is the thoughts you have about them.
Stressful thoughts evaluate, compare, and make the present seem like it’s inadequate. They create a story of urgency. Things have to get done, they’re so important, and something terrible will happen if the list doesn’t get accomplished.
When stressful thoughts are in control, who’s the victim? You. Your whole reality centers around doing what they require of you in hopes that they will just stop. If only you push yourself to do the impossible, then maybe you will feel a smidgeon of peace. It’s a setup for…more stress.
And where are wisdom, intelligence, and clarity? Hidden behind the fog of thought. In order to access them, you need to look outside of your thoughts.
When you are feeling stressed:
- Take a moment to become aware of the way you are thinking about the situation.
- Recognize that these are distorted thoughts that don’t serve peace and happiness.
- Find those lovely, transcendent qualities of wisdom, intelligence, and clarity, and establish yourself in them.
- You have returned home. Now go forth from here.
Take away the urgency, and see everything with fresh eyes. Stress is replaced by wise choosing and efficient action.
Stressful Body
You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to know that stress has a physical component. Tightness in the chest and shoulders, a stomach in knotsāthese are hallmarks of a body in stress. Let these go unchecked, and the body may start trying to get your attention with all sorts of physical problems.
You are unlikely to see through to the truth of what stress actually is without attention to the physical sensations. You can shift your attention away from stressful thoughts, but until you acknowledge the physical sensations, you are primed for more stress. Because unseen physical sensations are the seed for a slew of troublesome habits.
I know these sensations can be very uncomfortable. But running from them leaves the pattern of stress locked into place. So they are asking you to turn your loving attention toward them. It’s very simple.
- Rest your attention in welcoming presence.
- Notice whatever is appearing in your body.
- Let the sensations be. They will do what they will doāchange, intensify, decrease, disappear.
- Be very accepting of whatever happens without any preference.
That’s it. You are so beautifully embracing your experience. You aren’t attached to what happens. You are simply being with what is, effortlessly present.
And remember this: the goal is not to make the sensations go away. This is resistance, and it won’t work anyway. You are not making anything happen; you are simply ignoring the mental noise and being with what is.
You experience the sensations without acting on them.
Freedom
Stressful thoughts and physical sensations come together to create the experience of stress. And both are a doorway to knowing your true nature as free of stress and fundamentally at peace.
Recognize the distorted stressful thoughts and live only in what is true. Welcome physical sensations with full awareness, and they are less likely to trigger stressful thinking. Be honest about what habits originate from stress. Intelligent exploration of thoughts and sensations creates the space for them to unwind.
Then question the one who experiences stress. Let the sense of you as separate from the world fall away, and see yourself as the all. The undivided universe is powered by love.
And stress is no match whatsoever for the power of love.
What About You?
Are you stuck in stress? Can you find your way back to peace? Sharing is most welcome…
Note for Santa Barbara locals: I’m hosting a meeting called Living in Truth. Please go to the Events page for information.
Sharon Greenlee says
You seemed to be writing a ‘personal’ letter to me this a.m.! š I woke up with ‘the pit’ in the belly thinking of ALL that needs to be done before Friday. After sitting down with a cup of coffee and changing how I had been talking to myself, I made a Do-Able list for TODAY. It sits in front of me as I write and as I read through it, and feel how realistic it is, the stress melts away. Thanks for all of your support…Sharon in Fort Collins, CO
Gail Brenner says
Wonderful, Sharon! I’m so glad the timing was just right.
Robert says
Hi…..
i am going throught a bad time in my life it seem
every time im down ill get one of your postings
the timing is great …..thank you…..
Rob….
Gail Brenner says
You are most welcome, Robert. Sending love and support…
Michael Gallaher says
As always you lift me up. I sometimes think that I don’t do enough for you in return.
I appreciate you.
Michael
Gail Brenner says
Nothing is needed in return, Michael. I heard a quote once, not sure who said it: There is no giving or receiving, only the universe moving itself around. You are welcome to drink as deeply as you like to be completely filled up and overflowing.
Bles Dones says
I like how you refer to stress ā ādistorted thoughts that donāt serve peace and happinessā ā¦and that, your essential nature is not capable of stress. There has to be a way to return to peace. And there is. I find these very helpful. We had a huge snow storm and I stressed about how to start shoveling mountains of snow so I canāt get out! Well, hereās the real truth āitās winter, it snows and itās a fact! I canāt change it! What I can change is my reactions and bring awareness my thoughts and feelings and they are simply experiences. And you know what? I looked at the white, fine snow around.. and it is beautiful! Suddenly, shoveling no longer mattersā¦. Good day, Gail!
Gail Brenner says
This is such a beautiful insight, Bles: “What I can change is my reactions and bring awareness my thoughts and feelings and they are simply experiences.” This is wisdom that reveals the end of suffering.
Lisa Kuzak says
Hi Gayle,
Do you think that it is normal for a person to want to be alone 90% of the time? I find that my spirit is calling me to live in this kind of solitude. People are supposed to be sociable creatures, but I find that I am authentic and present only if I can recharge in solitude for a long time.
Gail Brenner says
Hi Lisa,
There are no rules about how you are supposed to be – none at all. Not all people are supposed to be sociable creatures. I trust how your spirit calls you. If you doubt it, check in to see if you are avoiding anything, if fear is motivating you in some way. If not, trust the way that presence is guiding you.
True freedom is not dependent on any circumstances. It is knowing and living as impersonal consciousness no matter what happens. You may have preferences to not be social, but if you are around people, this peace is not disturbed. Again, you may want to check more deeply into this urge to be alone. What is behind it, if anything? Are you managing and strategizing or simply following what is true for you?
Use this as an opportunity for clarity. Then, simply let go of all of it and enjoy yourself, however that looks.
Marie says
Hi Gail,
In your portion above about physical sensations you say:
“Be very accepting of whatever happens without any preference.”
Can you explain how to do this?
Recently I was experiencing anxiety with a nervous, unsettled sensation in my upper chest and throat for a long period.
As an experiment, I would play with the thought, “How can have no preference as to whether I have or don’t have this sensation?” “How could I even say I don’t have a preference to whether I will live with this physical sensation for the rest of my life?”
In the end though, I don’t think we can choose some preferences or desires, or try to convince ourselves to have different preferences. The truth is, I have a preference that at some point the hyperactivity sensation in my upper chest will go away.
Any thoughts?
Great thanks for the time, effort and love you put into your blog.
Marie
Gail Brenner says
Hi Marie,
It depends on “who” is having the preference. We take our thoughts and feelings, and other things about ourselves such as gender, age, nationality, personality characteristics, and these congeal into a belief that this is who we are. This limited sense of self does have preferences and will never be completely satisfied. So if that’s the one you are asking, that’s where you are finding the preferences to not feel anxious.
But there is a whole other aspect to your being. It’s the place (not really a place) where creativity rises from, joy comes for no reason, the rush of love for a lover, pet, or child. These experiences don’t come from the limited separate self that you think you are. They come through you in a sense, but they don’t originate with you. They come from something greater – expansive being, stillness, pure life before anything forms in it.
Sit quietly and see if you can find this place – it’s definitely there! But don’t try too hard. Just imagine you’re lying on a lawn chair relaxing in the sun on the most beautiful day without a care in the world. You’re simply at peace. This is being. Settle in here and let whatever arises be. The sensations of anxiety are simply there in this peaceful aware presence. Then you may even notice that a preference also arises, e.g. a thought, “I don’t want this.” Simply let that be without making a story about it and bring your attention back to being and the physical sensations.
The idea here is to find a way within yourself to not resist anything. When you resist these sensations by not wanting them, they will persist. Keep saying, “Yes.” “This too.” “You can be here.” Just try it. Welcome everything in like it will be there forever. As you stop resisting your own experience, it completely loses its power. This is absolutely possible. The sensations don’t stop, but your way of being with them is completely different, so they end up not mattering.
Here’s a metaphor that might help. Think of the sensations like a wave and you are the ocean. Does the ocean have a problem with a wave? Let them return into the ocean of you.
Gail Brenner says
I want to add a clarification, Marie. It’s not about making yourself have no preference. Rather, you find the place in you that is already welcoming of everything as it is and rest there.
Love…xx
Marie says
Thank you very much. This is an excellent and very helpful explanation. I have many important things I will try this with. Big Thanks.
Gail Brenner says
You’re welcome, Marie. Let me know how it goes!
Nilanjana says
Thank you, for such posts. I have read a lot of them. I happen to be too strssed, too emotional and I know I shouldn’t but I keep seeking happiness from someone else. I try controlling these thoughts but they seem to engulf me
Gail Brenner says
You can’t control them, Nilanjana, as you are finding out. That takes way too much effort. You may be feeling a sense of lack within, which is why you’re seeking happiness from someone else. Maybe the next step for you it so openly take a look at that inner lack. That may be driving your thoughts and behavior. It’s about getting honest with yourself about what’s present within you and learning to relate in a healthy way with your own thoughts and feelings. Not changing them, but changing how you relate to them.
In love and support to you…