This series on fear has raised some questions which I’m addressing in this video. How do we meet fear? What is the path through it to peace? I’m happy to hear your comments and questions.
You can find the previous posts for the series here:
- Are Hidden Fears Suppressing Your Happiness?
- How and Why to Get Familiar with Fear
- What’s Behind Your Mask of Fear?
And if you’ve received this post by email, or you can’t play the video, please click here to go to GailBrenner.com and to comment.
Always in love,
Gail
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Bernardo says
Hi Gail : yes, I agree, fear causes much unnecesary suffering.
Sounds a good idea to let go of the story, and keep aware of physical sensations.
A real pleasure to meet you almost in person, with such a sweet smile. You look even more beautiful than in the twitter picture.
Gail Brenner says
Thank you for your kind words, Bernardo. I love that we are kindred spirits.
Tess The Bold Life says
Gail,
A friend sent me a link to your video. I love your gentle and loving way of presenting. Very wise you and very wise advice.
Gail Brenner says
Great to hear from you, Tess. Thanks so much – especially coming from the fear expert! xo
Neela says
Hi! Gail! This was very useful. I have a feeling of freedom inside of me and that’s great. What I like the best is that we may not yield every time so better not to expect fear to go away completely.
Living in the moment! Great!
Neela
RT says
I so loved watching your video Gail and meeting you in person. I must say I can’t believe how it just came at the right time. I would like to address two questions I have in regards to fear. In your video you mention that fear is something that is not true or real and to ignore the story that is bringing these thoughts. But how about if the story is true. I am going through a separation (am 53yo) and am doing it completely alone. Family and friends made the choice to not be there for me but I have accepted it. I have thoughts of fear that continuously play in my head,that are real. “Am I going to cope alone?”, Will there be enough money to support myself”. I have no one I can depend on for support, so the story is true and real. How can I stop the story when I feel the fear?
If this fear appears during the day I try to re-focus on what is working so it doesn’t take over. I try to look at what choices I have and what changes I can make that will support me. But it’s hard to not feel fearful when I’ve only got myself to depend on.
Also, this fear appears in my dreams at times,as it did last night. And the story is again about coping alone,no support. I try to re-focus by focusing on my breathing but it’s hard when the story is true. How does one cope with the sensations when the story their mind keeps playing is true.
Even more so because I know the story is true. I know going through a divorce alone and being on my own isn’t going to be easy. But every day I try hard to stay positive and strong that things will all work out. The choice to separate was mine and one I will stand by no matter what.
Gail Brenner says
Hi RT,
Still the story must be questioned. You say: I have no one I can depend on for support. Yes, that’s true. But isn’t this statement also true: I get to support myself and not have to rely on anyone else. The first way conjures up fear, the second is more freeing. And the other statements are clearly fear speaking. Are you going to cope alone? That’s about the future that actually never comes. It’s an unanswerable question that only triggers the experience of fear right now. The true, answerable question is: Are you coping alone now? And: Is there anything that needs to be done now for me to cope better and be happier and more at ease? You can go through this same inquiry with: Will there be enough money to support yourself? Again, not a useful, answerable question, but you can re-focus on now.
It sounds like you have a goal of not feeling fear. Better to learn to live with the sensations of fear. You feel them, fine. There are fearful thoughts, fine. But you can still put them aside and inhabit your intelligence. This is not about getting rid of anything – it’s about living intelligently with exactly what is present in any moment.
A technique for scary dreams: As soon as you realize you’ve had a fear dream, consciously finish the story in a positive, uplifting way. You can get very creative: somehow loads of money shower down on you and you’re able to celebrate freely, angels start walking with you and you’re totally protected. Make it your own and make it extreme. Then feel the feeling in your body that comes as a result of your new story.
I hear a mantra in your posts: I’m doing this alone. I know it isn’t going to be easy. No one is supporting me. Statements like these seem to be on a recurring tape in your mind. Tear up the tape because these aren’t serving. If you’d like, come up with other statements that are just as true: I’m making good decisions for myself. I’m taking care of myself. I’m opening up to new adventures.
Then go forth and enjoy this exciting time in your life. xoxo
Gail Brenner says
Hi RT,
I was thinking more about my response to you and want to add something, which is acknowledging the reality of your situation with fear as a normal response. I love how you’re interested in navigating through fear with great awareness and the intention to understand it fully. This can only serve your freedom. At the same time, you’re in a new situation with inherent challenges – you’ve jumped squarely into the unknown which is bound to bring up fear.
In addition to everything I said in my last comment, please also be kind to yourself. Spend time in quiet, take walks and rests, let yourself enjoy the reconnection with you and your truth, be with supportive others as you can. It’s a tender time, and a full range of feelings is likely to emerge. Allow them all with a great open heart. Fear may be present, but love is always greater than fear. Ground yourself in love and see if you can move from there.
RT says
Hello Gail, I read your reply a couple of days ago and had so many questions going around in my head that I decided to become grounded first and then ask. I must say I found your second reply actually expressed exactly how I should perceive my issue. “To acknowledge the reality of my situation with fear as a normal response”but it’s been really hard to accept.
I focus a lot on reading self books or blogs (so grateful for yours) to help me cope and get through. And as you mention it sounds like “I have a goal not to feel fear”. But I thought that when you focus on what you don’t want, it gives it more energy and the Universe gives you more of it. So when “fear” rises I try to do or think other things to not allow it to control my emotions. Or have a hold over me. But by your professional advice, it sounds like I’m not doing the right thing to help myself when I am in this situation.
What I have learnt is, by questioning this fear it made me realize the underlying thoughts were about “having no support”,physically,emotionally or financially. And that’s why I put forward when asking for advice or guidance, on how to cope with. And I totally love when you mention to reword my words to give me power and not be fear based,which I could not see,thank you.
I have gone through a lot the last 8 years,having to go through a burn out with many health issues and also having marriage problems (now separating) which I had to cope and get through on my own. And that’s why I believe I am trying to avoid allowing “fear” to step in while I am trying to move forward confidently.
I totally agree when you say “you’re in a new situation,which will inherent challenges”. But because I have gone through so much to get my life back, (and today I am standing) I can honestly say I want a break! As much as that sounds unrealistic!
I can say when look at my future I see myself happy,strong and healthy. But when I think of where I am now and need to get to, it’s when the fear steps in and I try to refocus. I do believe and feel I have grown a lot as person.
I also wanted to say I really love your suggestions for when I have fearful dreams. Just reading them brought me so much positive energy and a feeling of being safe and supported ,thank you.
I thank you so much for all your advice Gail and apologize for the long reply.
RT says
I just realized Gail that I am not accepting” fear” as being part of me. There will always be situations that will cause it but the reason I am struggling with it,is because I don’t want to feel it or want it in my life.I don’t want it to stop or control me. But fear is part of life.
I think I need to learn that it will be there and I need to learn to live with it and not avoid or ignore it!
By not giving it my attention and by keep moving through it, I don’t allow it to control me. Which is why I feel I am trying to avoid happen.
I need to learn to accept it!
Gail Brenner says
RT:
“I think I need to learn that it will be there and I need to learn to live with it and not avoid or ignore it!” Yes!
Accept fear, and in the true acceptance you can make the choice to not have it rule your reality. And if it does at times, no problem. Take a breath and find yourself again. You’re always here!
Brenda Price says
Gail, thank-you for this lovely video. It was a great reminder to me, to let go of the story! I have been working at doing this over the past couple of years. For all you do, thank-you.
Gail Brenner says
You are so welcome, Brenda. Thank you for writing.
Silvia says
Right on target, Gail.
Thank you very much!
It is so true that fear doesn’t go away… But it is also true that we can welcome it as part of life, know it, make peace with it, if we know, believe, and feel that we are much more than that… By the way, I think that this the most difficult part to realize: we can “know” that we are much more than that, we can “know” what we really are, but that “knowing” is frequently only intellectual and doesn’t reach the feelings and emotions, which belong to a dimension that doesn’t communicate very well with the intellect. It is like “knowing” intellectually how to ride a bike, but when you really do it, you keep falling down… So, you need to do it again, and again, and again, in order to really learn, in order to make that knowledge real and alive. Sometimes it gets really frustrating, because even when you have done all your work, even when you have taken a good ride around, you can and you will fall again!
:O)
Gail Brenner says
That’s true, Silvia, which is why I write a lot about meeting the feelings underneath thoughts and integrating emotional experience into our understanding. Otherwise, it’s just intellectual, as you say, and bypasses an essential aspect of the human experience. An intellectual understanding is a good starting point, but it’s not the true understanding – which is visceral, palpable, and undeniable.
Nick says
This has been so helpful to me. Thank you very much!
Gail Brenner says
I’m so glad, Nick! Thanks for letting me know.
RT says
Dear Gail, I would like to express sincere gratitude for the knowledge and lessons I have learned from these posts and the guidance and support you have given me. It has had a huge impact on how I am coping and I am so grateful for ,thank you. xo
Gail Brenner says
I’m very happy that you’re finding your way through this, RT. You are open and willing, which is serving you well.
Love to you….
Sheila says
I’m just getting to this video now and it is perfectly timed. I work in a freelance profession and every time I am out of work or “in between” work as we say, I experience extreme fear. I’ve never understood the phrase “let go of the story” so I thank you for explaining it in a way I could finally understand – that the story is the thoughts about self-doubt, failure etc. and that they just aren’t true when I really investigate them. Sure I’ve failed and made mistakes – some of them irreparable – but I’ve also had great successes. So thanks for this and thanks for all the love that clearly shines through you and almost miraculously, straight through my screen. Sheila
Gail Brenner says
Hi Sheila,
I understand from my own experience what it’s like to be self-employed. But the worry about the next client or having enough doesn’t do anything except add to your suffering. In fact, it may even detract from your presence with the clients and with the work you are doing. That part is extra, and that’s the story to not pay attention to – and/or to investigate to see if it’s a story worth believing or not, that is, is it true?
I’m happy to hear your insights, and I’m glad you found the video helpful.
Dianna says
Hi Gail:
I just stumbled upon your site and I am so happy to have found you! I have been struggling with fear, paralyzed by it to be honest, and am so excited to have this as a resource. I love your clarity and the fact that you offer tools. Thank you! xo
Gail Brenner says
Welcome to you, Dianna! Yes, I’ve written a lot about fear because you’re far from alone in dealing with it. Glad to hear you’ve found some resources here. xx
Ella says
Dear Gail,
I am grateful to stumble upon your website as I am determined to let go of fear and unworthiness issues which are not serving me in any way, just bringing me down and keeping me from true happiness and joys of life. Keeping me away from my truth.
As much as I studied and learned I see fear and unworthiness issue as the biggest problem for me and i can see it all around me (my friends and colleagues as well) so I wish to thank you for your wonderful work. We need more people like you 🙂
Gail Brenner says
Thank you, Ella, and a warm welcome to you. The key to fear is not to get rid of it, but to see it, acknowledge it, but don’t give it any power. There’s a lot about fear on this site. Learn to notice its voice, which can be very sneaky, so that you can step away from it with your attention and settle in to your own true clarity and wisdom.
Sending love…